MACHINE DOT GIRLTRON DOT BLOGTHINGWHATIWROTE

Adventure Fantasy Day

2009-11-04T12:04:00.005-05:00

Every so often I like to query my friends about how they'd spend a dream day. Time travel, teleportation and magic all exist in this fantasy realm. Usually I get a bevy of diverse responses to this semi-annual CFE, but this round was marked by low turnout and strikingly similar fantasy scenarios by 50% of participants.

SAM
wake up with the dawn in a woodsy lodge, full of energy. do yoga and enjoy it, then eat a light, oatmeal breakfast. then it's hiking time, and i hike in the brisk air up a hill in a woods:

upon my return, i have a business lunch (croque monsieur) with a surprise guest: an editor who wants me to write a book for money.

then it's pool/spa time. it's raining cats and dogs, but it makes the pool (pictured here) that much cozier!

after that, i get a call from someone who wants me to make and star in a movie. so i've got that going for me too. then it's time for dinner outside at dumont with my best girlz--burgers, ladies, am i right?--then we jam the night away, dancing, loving and whatnotting!

ERIN
I would time travel back to November 25th, 1976 to the Winter Ballroom in San Francisco and play tambourine in The Band's final farewell concert and then use my sexual mind control powers to bang Levon Helm & Rick Danko immediately after. Then I'd teleport every single person who participated in the concert (with the exception of Van Morrison and Michael McClure) to Mexico where we'd party for three consecutive days on the beach. Over those three days I'd become Eric Clapton's number one girl and we'd get hitched and live a life of wealth, excess and sexual healing together forever. I'd also become Emmylou Harris's best friend. Joan Baez would feel left out, but, you know, that's how it goes. I can't be best friends with EVERYONE. This game is kind of depressing.

LINDSAY
It's 1972 Los Angeles. I am 25 years old, a size 4, and working on the McGovern campaign. I go to a campaign event, some fancy dinner, and meet Warren Beatty. He asks me if I want to see his mansion. We go back to his place, get high, and bang each other.

NAOMI
I wake up in my pied-à-terre in Paris. My boyfriend Javier Bardem and I decided to fly out last night to go a party.

There are croissants and great coffee waiting for us when we rise. Before we get out of bed Javier insists on giving me head. Who can say no? That happens, then we eat the croissants in bathrobes on the balcony. With every bite of croissant, I lose a pound. I eat two croissants and at ten bites each I am at my goal weight. Looking fabulous, I leave the apartment and Javier to hang out with my best pals in mid 1980s New York. We go shopping and buy everything we want. I see a cheap townhouse in the West Village for sale and buy it. It's a great price and I have a feeling the value will appreciate.

We meet up with my other friends Jeff Koons, Jenny Holzer, Karen Finley, Dara Birnbaum and Nan Goldin to go to a performance at The Kitchen. Then it's contemporary times again and, thanks to my intimate involvement with the art scene in the 80s (what was really mere minutes ago), I am a famous artist. I head to my opening at Gagosian. The work looks great and the turnout is spectacular. My best friends and I head to my West Village townhouse to have dinner. Tom Colicchio is hard at work cooking. I tell him to take a break and come upstairs for a minute. We fuck. Back downstairs, dinner is being served when there's a knock on the door. It's Javier come to surprise me! What a sweetie. We finish dinner and then head to a party that's playing all the best music. We dance all night and do a few drugs nothing major. Then we sleep deeply.

Hangover Prevention & More Encounters With Terrible People

2009-09-15T10:49:00.006-05:00

Last night I had too many drinks and I got home and was like shiiiiiiiiiz I have work in like 8 hours. Has the same thing ever happened to you? I bet it has! Here is my fool-proof Hangover Prevention Method (HPM). First you can do your normal nightly routine if you are able. If you aren't able, skip it! Then take two Excedrin Migraine and two 4 hour Sudafed with a full glass of water. You should sleep sitting upright as much as possible (this is mostly only if it's allergy season or if you have a cold, but sometimes it's good to do regardless). You will wake up in the middle of the night, say like 2am, and have a really bad headache. You take one or two more Excedrin Migraine. Then go back to sleep. You will wake up again at about 5:30am and you'll say, 'please no headache' and luckily you won't have one. Then you can just slumber until 7:30 and you will be mostly ok!

When you head to work after this, you'll be functioning at about 85%. A smooth ride with no dramatically terrible people will help you relax and get back to "neutral." Unfortunately this morning Lady Luck was mad at me. This guy was leaning on the doors next to me and listening to his headphones loudly. Every time we were between stations, he would turn to face the door, look at his reflection and start playing air upright bass! EVERY SINGLE TIME. Like, dude get a fucking life and stop grazing my arm with yours b/c you want to admire yourself and practice strumming an air instrument. You are lame at life.

Listen Up, Ladies

2009-09-14T08:52:00.002-05:00

If you see a Curves bar, you should eat it.

Definitely don't buy one, but if you have one lying around at work or on the street it is not a bad idea to, well, eat it! They contain almost no nutritional value, but also only 100 cals. No guilt! Chow down sistahs!

Brush With Death

2009-07-16T14:25:00.002-05:00

I know I haven't posted in a while which makes what I'm about to write even more lame as the most exciting blog-worthy thing that's happened to me recently. Last night at dinner I was just rubbing my leg a little (just in a normal way one rubs a body part here and there) and I felt a bump. It was a hard, discrete little bump. And I thought, well this is it. I finally got the cancer I've been so sure is coming my way all these years. I made everyone at the table feel the bump. They said, it's nothing, but maybe get it checked out anyway. When we left the restaurant, my thoughts naturally drifted to what kind of invasive treatments I'd endure before my body finally succumbed to the disease and who would sob hardest and loudest at my funeral. Then we arrived at a light street corner. I looked down to inspect the nodule only to find that it was a tiny mosquito bite. A great wave of relief washed over me. It was the most timely and conclusive resolution to a bout of disease related anxiety I've ever had. So despite how ridiculous it was to mistake a mosquito bite for stage 1, I felt comforted that my anxiety can be quelled in a matter of moments if I have sufficient evidence to discount cancer as a culprit.

Million Dollar Synergy Idea

2009-03-30T15:01:00.002-05:00

Hershey's/Nestle/Godiva team up with Midol. Every box of Midol comes with a bar of chocolate. I think it's genius. Who wants in on the ground level?

Medical

2009-03-20T21:35:00.003-05:00

Sometimes you have a minor health issue, but the symptom makes you think that it is or could be a major health problem. Here is my list of scary symptomed minor health problems (my jump-to-conclusions diagnosis is in parentheses):

Clogged Sweat Gland (lymph(?) cancer)
Bad Headache (brain tumor)

Heartburn (heart attack)
General Pain in Left Arm (heart attack)

There are more but I think this is all I'm willing to admit/discuss on the blog.

Unrelated, everyone see "I Love You, Man."

Rachel's Tasty Travels: Mexico!

2009-03-15T21:34:00.005-05:00

No, not THAT Rachel. My real life friend Rachel! She went to Mexico for two weeks and I asked her to tell me everything she ate. She went to Chiapas and Oaxaca, both places I've never been. I looked up some pictures so I could better picture her experience.

(Alex in) Chiapas

Oaxaca

Here is her thorough report.

while in Chiapas and Oaxaca for 10 days last month, I ate:

Chicken in salsa roja with refried black beans, guacamole, rice, handmade tortillas, quesillo, and queso fresco with herbs and chile. To drink: limonada, beer, mezcal
This was made by my friend's roommate who hosts a community lunch on their roof every Friday to make money. It was one of the best meals of my life.

Vegetarian Tlayuda. To drink: Cafe de olla

Tlayudas are sort of like a giant quesidillas but that description really doesn't do them justice. They are about a foot long and folded in half and crunchy on the outside. They are made from fresh masa and cooked over a charcoal fire, which gives them their smoky flavor. This one was filled with quesillo, black beans, tomatoes and cilantro, and was made by Diego's mom and served to me as breakfast in bed. It was heavenly!

Tejate, served in a hollowed out gourd:
Tejate is a pre hispanic drink made from flor de cacao, mamey seed, toasted corn meal and probably other things as well. Honestly, I don't even know. All I can tell you that it's heavenly. It's a little nutty and chocolatey and corn-y tasting, and forms an odd sort of froth on the top. This particular tejate was drunk in an organic weekend market in the shade of a giant flowering tree.

Mangoes. Many

Over the course of my trip I ate mangoes sliced with chile and limon, peeled and stuck on a stick like a popsicle, mashed up with limonada and mezcal for the best cocktail ever, and at least four mango pinas, the best type of mango of all.

Rajas con Queso:
Nopales, pepers, corn, cheese and cream, cooked together into a delicious sticky mess. Again, cooked by Diego's mom, and served to me in bed by Diego, who may be my favorite person on earth.

Black Bean Soup:
The Caldero, one of the best restaurants in San Cristobal, makes their black bean soup with three kinds of pork. The enormous bowl has pieces of chorizo and bacon floating among the beans and epazote. The plate of garnishes on the side comes with lime, cubes of cheese, and chicharones. It will kill you, it is that good.

Molletes:
Molletes are one of those foods that are so obvious you can't believe you didn't think of them yourself. They are toasted pieces of french bread covered in refried beans and melted cheese. They are deeply satisfying.

Falafel:
You might think it's dumb to eat falafel in Chiapas, but honestly there is better Mexican food in Chicago than there is in San Cristobal. This falafel came in home made pita, with thick garlicy hummus, raw cabbage, tomatoes, onions, and radishes. It was pretty great falafel.

Here's a picture of Rachel just to break up the text.

Juices, assorted:
The standouts include mandarin and carrot, and carrot, orange and beet.

Assorted foods on toast:
There's a new wine bar in San Cris that offers you tapas with every order of wine. The tapas are all crustini based, and all slightly disappointing. Think tuna salad, or a slice of deli ham on toast.

Things cooked in pots, accompanied by cafe del campo:
For my two days building a cistern in Comitan, we were served giant pots of deliciousness with every meal. Think delicious beans that have been boiling all day, or mole de olla- a country stew of beef, corn, squash, yucca, chayote and potato. With every meal there was coffee served as they drink it in the communities: sweet enough to put you into a diabetic coma.

Nieves:
Nieves are the official frozen treat of Oaxaca. Fresh fruit ices served in tall sundae glasses at charming wraught iron tables in a church courtyard. Mine was guyabana, a mystery fruit that looks a little like a giant, spiny, mishapen avocado and tastes slightly like guava but better.

Mezcal, Assorted:
Among the various kinds of mezcal I drank, there was the certified organic mezcal, and the mezcal sold in liter water bottles out of the back of a bodega. There was also a cocktail I invented out of everything in Diana's kitchen: Squeeze the juice out of one half mango-pina, then mash up the pulp in the bottom of the glass. Add a shot of mezcal, a spoonfull of sugar, and top off with limonada. Then celebrate international women's day by getting drunk in the living room.

Memelas:
Two hand made tortillas, one with potatoes and chorizo, shredded quesillo, guacamole, and salsa. The other with sauteed fresh mushrooms, quesillo, guacamole and salsa.

Comida at Viznaga's, accompanied by mojitos, margaritas, a pitcher of agua de jamaica, and a cranky baby:
For our last lunch in Oaxaca, we ate at Viznaga's, one of the top five restaurants I've ever been to. Our menu included fresh spears of slightly pickled carrots and jicama, dusted with sesame seeds, a salad of spinach, grapefruit, bacon and pecans, ceviche, sopes de tinga de pollo, seared tuna crusted with amaranth, served over mashed potatoes and garnished with pickled shallots, and flan covered in pecan/mezcal/caramel. It was unsane.

Terrible Breakfast:
At the airport in Mexico City, I ate breakfast at the only sit down breakfast place in my wing. I had huevos a la mexicana, a small pool of refried beans, three sad tortillas, coffee, and grapefruit juice. It cost about 2/3 as much as our entire lunch for three at Viznagas.

EMAIL FROM THE FUTURE!!!

2009-03-10T13:31:00.001-05:00

MY DAD: Technological WIZ KID!

2009-03-09T16:31:00.004-05:00

He chats. He emoticons. He reads blogs. He online banks. What can't he do?!?!

Here are some highlights from the inaugural dadChat:

Dad: The other problem is you can send messages in the middle of someone elses message. Do you need to say "over" or somethiing like that?

Dad: I'm starting to appreciate not using caps or punctuation
me: haha i know!
it's so much easier
also there are tons of great graphics on gchat
like all the emoticons are animated
put a left carrot <
Dad: Where are they
me: and a 3
next to each other
and just watch
Dad: <3
me: !!!
isn't that neat?
Dad: Awesome what are some others is there a list somewhere

Dad: i can feel my typing skills improving every minute
me: it's thrilling, isn't it?
Dad: and my grammar and spelling skills fading fast

Life Like "Art"

2009-02-23T01:09:00.003-05:00

Tonight when I drove home the song "Blinded By The Light" came on and just as it did some asshole with his brights on rounded the corner and I was, you guessed it, blinded by the light. Then "Dancing In the Moonlight" came on, but the moon was shrouded behind thick clouds, so I didn't even bother scanning the shores of Lake Michigan for possible revelers. THEN a homeless beggar woman on the side of the road pulled out a bag of cocaine after approaching each stopped car for change. In summation, my twenty minute ride home was more eventful and exciting than that 4 hour-long Oscar ceremony. Take THAT, The Academy.

I Couldn't Possibly

2009-02-12T17:14:00.003-05:00

Being unemployed affords one a lot of time to do things. In my previous life, I always found myself struggling to do things I really needed to do. I'd say to myself 'Jeez I really have to clean my room/wash dishes/pay bills, but I'm so tired from working so many hours at my tedious job I just cant' be bothered right now.' That's not a problem for someone who is unemployed.

OR IS IT?

Here's a funny thing about having endless amounts of unstructured time. IT IS PARALYZING. Today I had a list of things to accomplish. They included:

1. finishing an art project
2. working on an art project I just started
3. applying for jobs
4. submitting work to several exhibitions and festivals
5. reading some articles in the New Yorker

When I woke up this "morning", I had best intentions to do all or some of these tasks. But then I thought, 'Why do them today when I can do them tomorrow? Or the next day? Or the next day?' And the answer is, there is absolutely no reason to do things today versus tomorrow. I have the same number of unfilled hours every single day. The rub is -- and I think you can see where this is going -- you never wind up doing those things at all! So despite the copious amounts of time with which to FINALLY achieve the tedious tasks of life, you wind up doing less than you would if you had a job taking up 55 hrs of your week.

Don't worry though. In the past 24 hours, I was able to do a few noteworthy things.

1. I received a gchat from Zara which contained a link to a real viral video winner. Definitely one of the best I've seen recently.

2. I made a mixtape! I was thinking it'd be cool to actually make a tape tape. And decorate it and whatever. But now that that's on my list of things to do, well, it surely won't be done. Download it HERE

3. I made bolognese sauce. It contains veal, pork AND pancetta. It's pretty good. I want to make homemade tagliatelle to go with it, but we'll see. Unfortunately pasta sauces (especially with meat) don't photograph well unless you are a professional. Despite my having received "training" as a photographer for 4 consecutive years, I succeeded in absorbing none of that information. Here is kind of what I want you to picture when you think of my bolognese:

4. I took a long walk to get Banh Mi on Tuesday. It was a very brisk walk.

Weirdly, not as good as they look.

2008-12-13T19:59:00.001-05:00

I know. I was surprised too.

I CONQUER MAGIC EYE

2008-11-19T21:52:00.003-05:00

After spending the better part of the 90s trying to master this needlessly complex trompe l'ouille, I finally "saw the hidden picture" with the help of my awesome Mom. THANK GOD I AM FINALLY FREE.

STRONG BL**K PRESIDENT

2008-11-05T23:18:00.005-05:00

I still can't believe it. I can't believe that a vast majority of people in this country voted for a man named Barack Hussein Obama. This country that we've been ashamed of for so many years just became something to be proud of again and I am overcome. This start at chipping away THE cancer that has plagued our country since its inception is incredible. All kids in this country will grow up with a black man as president. The minority voice is THE voice in America finally and it's so inspiring. I rarely feel this uncynical and wholeheartedly awed and impressed, but what we all did yesterday takes my breath away.

Here's Fidelis (far left) trying to catch a glimpse of Barack at their polling place.

Windy City Weekend

2008-11-03T11:35:00.010-05:00

I am a great planner. I organized an incredible weekend for me and Erin in Chicago. We tasted new and delicious foods. We saw exciting things. We bought makeup.

Erin arrived Thursday afternoon. We rushed home to have cocktails and snacks. Since nothing was on TV and Erin had never seen My So-Called Life (unacceptable), we popped in the first disk.

For dinner, we went to Spring, Chicago's fancy locavore spot, with Joe and Alie. I expected a lot and got very little. The service was incredibly bad (very attitudy) and the food was only ok. So you don't need to go there! You're welcome for saving you $$$$.

The next day, we headed down to Roosavelt Rd. for Manny's lunch with Mom.

We really over did it, but that's kind of what Manny's is for. Mom was upset they didn't serve warm gefilte fish anymore, but she got over it. Erin and I took a walk around downtown after lunch. Erin bought tons of makeup. Pretty!!!! Then we got pedicures. I got the razor THANK GOD b/c my feet were totally dying to be scccccraped. Then we went shopping, bought a malted milkshake, and walked home. My So-Called Life Cocktail Hour commenced. We plowed through a few more eps before picking up Jason and heading to Penny's Noodle Shop for dinner. I love Penny's. It's so good and reliable and cheap. Then we went to Goldstar to drink brews and watch Halloweeen. Scary! Erin and I got in a minor tiff about whether or not people our age listen to bands like Journey ironically or because they genuinely like that music (I said ironically and, of course, I'm right). We freaked Jason out a little, but he has to grow up sometime. Luckily the tension was diffused when we decided to get a snack at McDonalds. We ordered a few things, drove up to the window and gave the woman money. Next thing I knew, she handed me BACK the money I'd just given her along with our food. She got so flustered from all the drunks that she thought she was giving us change or something. FREE MCDONALDS YES WE FINALLY BEAT THE SYSTEM TAKE THAT THE MAN.

High from our Mickey D's coup the night before, we headed to Rick Bayless' restaurant Frontera the next morning. We drank alcohol brunch drinks and got really full on chorizo and eggs. It was so delicious. After that we got various things waxed and went to see Happy Go-Lucky which was worse than expected. Erin thought it was ok. I fell asleep. We rushed home to change for the night. We stopped by the Empty Bottle to pick up Lykke Li tickets. Thanks Peter and Robin for helping us get into the sold out show!!! We got stamped and then headed to the Skylark for dinner.

I LOVE THE SKYLARK. It's my favorite bar in Chicago because it's never that crowded, the beers are cheap, there is great food and it's in a funky location. We shared a burger with onion rings on it (God bless the Midwest), salad and tots with sauces (disappointing). We headed back to the Bottle just in time to see that Swedish songstress sing and gyrate her little Aryan heart out.

I was pretty impressed with her live set. I'm not a huge fan of her music in general, but she had a lot of energy onstage. There was a heavy drum sound in all the numbers which was unexpected. Lots of dancing and moving. It was nice to see how she modified songs that are pretty mellow on the recording. She also covered Tribe's "Can I Kick It" and one other one.

Sunday we went to an awesome new brunch place near my house. It's a fancy grocery store slash cafe. Erin and I shared the best turkey club I've ever tasted and bread pudding pancakes. SO AMAZING. We also had brunch alcohols. The nadir of the whole weekend came after brunch when we tried to go to an all ladies dance class and it wasn't in session. God. That was so depressing. We were all decked in our work-out wear and then NOTHING. Erin even brought her Danity Kane shirt. So annoying. We went shopping to make ourselves feel better. We bought dresses. Then we came home for more MSCLCH. We put on our new dresses (pretty) and went to dinner in Andersonville at a new Korean restaurant JinJu. It was super cute and sexy. Great date spot! Then we headed to the lesbian wine bar Joie De Vine. Jason met up with us and we all had a great time with Erotic Photo Hunt.

We watched more MSCL and went to bed.

Monday we went to lunch and then headed to Midway. Great trip Erin! THANKS FOR COMING I LOVE YOU!!!!

FOU et Tellement Evident

2008-10-22T10:59:00.007-05:00

Parallel parking in Hyde Park is a fucking joke. It's SO IRRITATING. People do not know how to park here! There are a million 3/4 spots. It's INFURIATING. fgjiaowefjioewajcea;wo. Today I drove around for 30 minutes. It took me 20 minutes to get down here from my house (13 miles) and thirty fucking minutes to find parking. I may try Joe's tactic of gently touching bumpers with a car and then flooring it to put them properly in ONE space instead of two.

Last night I went to see Yelle with Stephanie. The crowd was like what I imagine the Harvey Milk High School prom to be like. Lots of teenage queers dancing uninhibitedly. The show was totally fun and we left early. Yelle's English skills were lacking, but it only made the power of music all the more transcendent (who needs words when you have beats?). Also there were some nice kind of drum circle style moments which were unexpected. Her band was INSANELY HOT. Like hot as fuck. Look at that. Also they were wearing "Dance or Die" shirts (tres mignon). Too bad they're French :(

Here's the song from which Yelle got the sample for Ce Jeu.

Yesterday I also made a blueberry galette. It turned out well. Little leaky. It looks very similar to this:

Back In The New York Groove

2008-09-29T18:16:00.007-05:00

Ace Freely sang it and I DID it this weekend. I ventured back from whence I came only one fortnight ago. I flew Delta to Laguardia which was awesome. It was a small plane which freaked me out at first, but it was such a relaxing new plane with tons of leg room that I chilled right out. They came around with a tray of snacks and the flight wasn't even half full so I got to stretch out a lot. Just a super time! No lines, no waiting at the gorgeous Marine Terminal.

Sam and I caught up over sandwiches. Then we ran some errands and went to Big Bar for drinks with Lacey and Hannah. I was so excited to see more than one friend in one place after my lonely two weeks in Chicago that I got really really drunk. Sam and I went home to watch the debates. I was really proud that Obama got tough and said he'd kill Bin Laden and crush Al-Qaeda. Way to go. He should have been doing that all along. That's what people want to hear. I slept through the last 1/3. When I woke up I haz hangover. But Sam mad me go out anyway! I'm glad he did because not only did I have a fun time with Adrienne and Chapman in Williamsburg, I also found a NEW flavor of Collisions Doritos (more on this later).

Saturday was day #1 of my performance "Throwing Things That Break" (which I'm considering retitling "The Mess I Made" (please weigh in)). The first performance was under attended, but it was good to work out the kinks with minimal spectators. Between performances Sam and I shared a sandwich and went to a bookstore. The second performance of the day went well. Erin arrived just in time to capture the "happening" on video. Other attendees included Adrienne, Chapman, Gene, Barbara, Emily, Luke and Aunt Audrey. Thanks for coming everyone!!

Saturday night was Sam's bday dinner at Pacifico. Very delicious and fun. Then I met up with the Chain for a slightly disorganized but enjoyable evening out.

Sunday was day #2 of performancing. It also went well and thanks for braving the rain to come see it all! Brunch at Superfine was not actually superfine. It was more like mediocrepassable. Sam and I took a walk to Red Hook to look at bikes. On the way we saw Jonathan Franzen at a bookstore. He was working on his MacBook. So now we know he uses a Mac.

Almost immediately after seeing JF we saw a DUCK KILLING FACTORY. The door of this no-windows building was open and duck guts were strewn all over the floor and there was tons of squawking. Sam said he had to become vegetarian and I said 'grow a pair' and he said, 'you're right.'

Then I went to Greenpoint while Sam napped. Hannah and I got crazy with some Bud Lights, Gossip Girl and the new Collisions Doritos Ranch/Pizza Cravers. Honestly, I was underwhelmed. The pizza flavor had some mild Italian inspired spices, but other than that tasted pretty much like regular Nacho Cheese. The ranch was also too mild and tasted like a sub-par Cool Ranch. Taken together the sensation wasn't anything to write home about, but it was something to write blog about.

After that I headed into the city to get a drink with Adam who had just returned from a posh Hamptons wedding. Adrienne and Chapman were cooking dinner, so we headed over after taking exactly two sips of our drinks. They made a chicken/rice thing and broccoli with lemon butter sauce. Adrienne prepared an amazing chocolate mousse dessert with homemade raspberry whipped cream. It was delicious. We talked a lot about deaf culture, circumcision and graphic novels. On the subway ride home, we saw Ronnie from Bravo's 'Make Me A Supermodel.' Sam said he would missed connections him, but I don't know if he actually did.

On the runway at Laguardia AIR FORCE ONE rolled by my window.

It was kind of exciting. Big police escort. I got home yesterday afternoon and had some Jew food with Mom and Dad.

Unrelatedly, this is my favorite song and video.

Finally, here is the most recent installment of Thursd-eggs c/o Snugget and Vanessa.

Leftov-eggs

You know what I love? Cleaning out the refrigerator. I love eating that one last caper floating in the bottom of the glass jar, squeezing out that last drop of yellow mustard, chopping up the final few leaves of parley. And so this week was Leftov-eggs. I wasn't born during the Great Depression but hell if ain't ready for the Greatest Depression!

Ingredients:

4 eggs
1 tablespoon cooking oil
1/4 onion
1/2 spicy chorizo (sometimes called Spanish chorizo)
handful of whatever cooked green vegetable you have lying around your fridge. We used charred kale and it was delish
salt and pepper

Heat tablespoon of cooking oil in a heavy-bottomed pan until fragrant but not smoking. While it's heating up, finely chop the onion and whisk the eggs with salt and pepper. Add onions to pan. It's ok if they brown. After 4 or 5 minutes they should be cooked through. Chop the chorizo into half inch pieces. Add them to the pan of onions. The chorizo is already cooked so the goal here is to just brown the bits and make them crispy. Once browned add the already cooked green to the pan to warm it all up. Remove from heat. If using the same pan for your eggs take out the onion mixture and allow the pan to cool for 2 minutes. Wipe out pan. Heat on medium with some butter or oil in the pan if you are not using cast iron or a non-stick pan.

Add eggs stirring constantly. They will start to firm up. Once they are cooked to your prefered consistency pile the onion mixture on top and serve.

Changes & Guest Bloggers Snugget and Vanessa

2008-09-22T11:28:00.003-05:00

Since my last post, I've moved to Chicago for my fall semester abroad. I had a great going away party and an even better HELLO party upon arrival. Here are some pics.

I'll talk more about my big life changes later, but in the meantime, Snugget and Vanessa have graciously invited us join them in their latest culinary adventure: Thurs-deggs. Here Snugget describes how this genius idea unfolded:

This week an egg-shaped light bulb went off in my head. “We need a weekly breakfast to be excited about,” I thought. As it was Tuesday, and a day’s notice didn’t seem fair, I suggested Thurs-deggs. I like routines and plays on words, so this was eggs-actly what the doctor ordered. Plus Vanessa likes to cook and I like to eat. Egg-gain…perfect. So this Thursday we premiered Thurs-deggs, which will hopefully be a weekly egg-ccurrence featuring new and egg-citing or old and classic and all down right delicious breakfast egg-stravaganzas!

Sept 18: Breakfast Tacos

With little warning for the inaugural Thurs-deggs we had to make do with what we had in the old refrigerator. There was a jar of salsa, half an avocado and some small corn tortillas. Bingo, bango, breakfast tacos!

Vanessa hails from sunny Los Angeles, California, a city rich in Mexican heritage, so I had no doubt these would be very authentic.

Here is how she made them:

Thurs-deggs Breakfast Tacos (because burritos are too large when you're eating at 6:50 am)
Serves: 2

Ingredients:

4 corn tortillas
half an avocado, sliced
4 eggs (room temperature if possible)
Tablespoon of butter
4 tablespoons salsa
Sriracha (optional)
salt and pepper

Crack eggs in a large bowl and whisk for a minute or two until the yolks and whites are fully integrated. Place a small saucepan on medium heat and add butter. Let it slosh around. Once the butter starts to bubble but before it browns, add the eggs. Stir constantly, scraping down the sides and folding the eggs over with a wooden spoon. Before the eggs are completely cooked turn of heat. Continue to stir eggs. Now, turn on another burner on high. Place the tortillas on one at a time, flipping them over so they heat and brown evenly on both sides. Place two tortillas on each plate, evenly divide the eggs. Pile the avocado and salsa on top. Add Sriracha if you enjoy the spicy.

No Camera Can Capture It All: Alison, Jeremy and I Go To Israel

2008-08-30T14:46:00.009-05:00

These fateful words, uttered by the Israel Outdoors staff photographer while trying to squeeze everyone into the frame of our group picture, proved prophetic. Nothing could sum up the vast array of emotions we felt over this 10 day trip. Though this picture comes pretty close:

This first thing we learned was not to trust our guide. She lied to us. Repeatedly. Our schedule for the first day was an "easy" 20 minute hike and kayaking in the Jordan River which probably wouldn't contain much water (if any). What ensued was a 2 hour death march and rafting (in one of those inflatable things - see below) in a fully full river. I thought I was going to die. The hike through the Galilee mountains was beautiful. Unfortunately I was so busy looking at my feet, struggling to get over enormous rocks and maneuvering through narrow passages that the physical beauty of the landscape largely evaded me. By the end of the hike (which we actually cut short because people were struggling so much), I was on the verge of hyperventilating, sweaty beyond belief and very annoyed that we'd been deceived. Since we were told the "kayaking" wouldn't involve us getting wet (since the river would be almost entirely depleted of water), I decided to go in fully clothed. Total mistake. I got completely drenched. On our ride down the river, we ran into a group of rowdy Hasidic school boys who disobeyed every single rule the rafting guy told us. They were swimming in the river, splashing around everywhere. Fantastic. Luckily, our rafting buddies were Luke and Emily, two people with even worse attitudes than mine and Alison's. We talked smack on everyone else in the group and really bonded. Love you guys!!
PLUS

The rest of the trip was spent trying to gauge how much of what we were told was a lie and trying to adjust our attire accordingly.

Highlights:

1. All the kinds of Doritos. They weren't as good as American Doritos (of course), but it was fun to try them. They were much thinner and had less powder flavoring on them. This one tasted like curry!

2. The desert waterfall. Very pretty!!

3. All the hiking. Despite the fact that it was exactly 1000 degrees Celsius every single day we were there and I've never sweat so much and so consistently over such a long period of time, the hiking was really fun. I never get to do stuff like that at home. It felt great to actually finish the really hard hikes and see the viewpoints [sic] at the top. Hiking Masada was particularly feelgoody. Here we are, red-faced and sweaty beyond belief.

4. When I took this picture:

5. Becoming friends with Luke and Emily. AAWWWWW!!

6. Learning about bomb disposal robots! The police evacuate areas when they discover an unattended bag or package in a public place. Then they send in a robot that destroys the bomb! So cool! We heard the whole thing go down when we were at the Western Wall. They said stuff over the PA system, telling everyone that there was a suspicious package. Then there was another announcement that there would be a robot bomb noise in a few minutes. The soldiers translated this for us, but our leader didn't think it was important enough to tell us what was about to happen and kept lecturing about the Second Temple. Cool, good call Michal. No one will notice or be scared of the loud bomb noise. Anyway, it was a pretty substantial sound. Totally cool. Here's an example of a BDR:

After a while it became clear that the bus driver Yossi was stealing our water bottles so that we'd buy his instead. Every time we left water on our seats for an activity, we'd return to the bus unable to find them. Very clever Yossi. Great entrepreneurial mind.

Some things I learned:

1. Israelis love Israel. A lot. This was kind of surprising. Since the land of Israel is so significant primarily because of its religious importance, I assumed that secular Israelis (most Israelis) wouldn't feel that tied to it. Wrong! Totally wrong. They are so patriotic. It's kind of weird, but I guess it makes sense. It's strange because Israel is comprised of mostly displaced people (people who weren't born IN Israel). Lots came over after the Holocaust and in the early 20th century. So in that way, it's a lot like America, where patriotism is prevalent but maybe less based on the idea that the specific land is what's important.

2. Israelis are assholes. Not really, but like kind of. They have an incredibly brisk attitude and arrogance that is really offputting. I knew this going in, but it was pretty surprising to interact with a whole nation of jerks all at once. Our guide Michal, who ended up being great and very knowledgeable and accommodating, was so quintessentially Israeli. Whenever we were on a hike and she found herself not in the absolute front, she'd plow through the group screaming, 'Sorry, I just want to be first!' This really sums up the Israeli Weltanschauung. Sorry! They just want to be first! They're gonna take it all no matter who stands in their way. SORRY!! Sorry I just want to be first should be the state motto of Israel.

3. Israel looks like southern California. One of these is Israel and one is Griffith Park. Can you tell which one is which?!?!

4. There is a lot of America in Israel. I knew we put tons of money into the military there (one of our guard's bullet holders had U.S. on it), but I had no idea about the proliferation of American TV, products and language in Israel. So much of the signage is just English transliteration. It's not that they don't have words for things in Hebrew. They just choose not to use them. This was really weird and much more widespread than European adoption of American words.

5. Israeli soldiers are pussies. Who knew?!!? I think they get so used to having their guns with them they stop actually being tough. Two of the girls didn't make it all the way up Masada because of a headache and a fear of heights. Ohad had to have his mommy pick him up from the bus because he was feeling sick. Man, so lame. It made me feel super strong and powerful. I'm tougher than soldiers!!

6. There is a lot of garbage in Israel. Mostly in the country. The cities are pretty clean.

7. The Western Wall has a women only section that is 1/4 the size of them men's section. This was really shocking, but I guess it was naive not to expect it. Women are relegated to the periphery in all other aspects of Jewish culture, so why not here at the most holy site.

By the end of the trip everyone had gotten terrible ill and was afflicted with various intestinal and respiratory ailments. I'm still 100% sick.

Overall the trip was a nice diversion from normal life and it was great to spend time with Alie and Jeremy. Thanks to the American Jewz for sending me on the trip of a lifetime for free!!!!!! You really did yourselves a disservice because now I hate religion more than ever.

Swedish Fish Weekend

2008-08-01T10:12:00.009-05:00

This weekend I went to DC to visit Erin. I sat next to a really smelly man the whole ride. When we got there, the first thing we did was head to Virginia to get fish pedicures.

We were nervous and excited. The sanitation at the salon was questionable. They forced us to wear these skanky rubber flip flops that were definitely not cleaned after every use. The salon was also really weird. They had free buffalo wings. Like tons and tons of buffalo wings. Also free strawberries in a clear vase (not a nice way to display strawberries in summer (condensation=unappetizing)). We were brought back to the tanks and in we went! I could not stop laughing at first. One because it was extremely tickley and two because helloo there were tons of fish eating my feet! A lot of the other people were being hysterical at first too. The fish nibbled at my toes for a really long time. They just didn't stop! Finally I got out of the tank and the pedicure was finished regular style. All in all, I was not very impressed. The fish didn't make my feet incredible smooth and the sensation they provided was not pleasurable. I will not be getting another fish pedicure, but I'm not that upset I did it once.

Here is Erin's recap of the fish pedi:

To preface. I hate Virginia. I hate most people from Virginia, I hate the buildings there, I hate the way they arrange their highways and streets, I hate the way Virginian's drive, I hate the tobacco and Republicans and slavery and plantations. However, as it turns out. I do not hate the fish they have there that eat dead skin off of peoples feet.

The place was very nondescript, in a strip mall, beside a Domino's (which is relevant, just wait). This lady/boy washed our feet which felt a little biblical and weird. Naomi didn't want to put on the flip flops they provided cos she thought she'd get diseased. But like. HER feet were covered in poison ivy which I'm sure would have canceled it out.

Finally they put us on these benches side by side with our feet in these tanks of little inch long fishes. It was hard for me to put my feet in the first time, cos I do NOT like aquatic life. As soon as my feet hit the water the fish ATTACKED. It was a really weird sensation. Like tiny little sucking mouths all over your feet (not sexually, gross, they're fish).

Our first reaction was hysterical laughter. I attribute the laughter to three different things: 1. it tickles, 2. the situation is patently ridiculous, and 3. it makes you kind of nervous to have fish gnaw at your feet. Serious laughter too. Like to the point of tears. Then things settled down.

There was a really nice man (he was featured on the GMA segment I think, NAOMI: do a link) who was really proud of his little fishes and all they were doing for our feet. He told us that everyone who does the fish for the first time has a few minutes of hysterical laughter, which made me feel better about causing a scene. THEN this other lady came to get her feet eaten. She had driven down all the way from New York just for the fish treatment! She was really nuts. She cracked up and kept cracking up for a long time. And also grabbed the lady next to her (who she did not know).

Anyway. It was kind of weird but not painful or anything. Then they take you out of the tank and do your nails the regular way. They also served us buffalo wings from dominoes! Like a lot of them! Which has never happened to me before in my many years of nail maintenance.

We inspected our feet afterwards, and we both agreed that the fish were not really effective. I think they would have been if we had been in there for an hour as opposed to 15 minutes. OR if they had really gone to town on our calluses before hand. But it was fun. I wouldn't go again unless I had another out of town guest, cos I bet they would think it was fun and funny and worth the 40 bucks it cost us.

So in conclusion. The only thing coming out of Virginia that I don't HATE is fish pedicures. And the Neptunes.

After that we got some drinks and snacks with Erin's friends and saw her brother's band play. I got pretty sleepy, but I had fun.

Saturday we hung out at Faith's pool. Real relaxing. Then we got home in time for CRABFEAST. Very delicious.

Sunday we saw Mamma Mia! It was a really fun, totally bizarre movie. It also reminded me that Super Trouper is a gorgeous song.

Camera Obscura's cover of it is pretty special too. Listen here!

New Annoyance

2008-07-29T10:34:00.003-05:00

Men who clamor for seats on the subway. Nothing disgusts me more than a grown-up man who, on a crowded train, elbows and fights to get a seat. It makes me think he is the most effete, pathetic, little pussy bitch on the planet. Get a pair of balls please. All of you!

Very Itchy Situation

2008-07-10T12:41:00.002-05:00

I have poison ivy. WTF? Where did I get poison ivy? Williamsburg?! I haven't been to summer camp in like 12 years.

DO Take It Personal (Just One of Dem Days)

2008-07-08T09:28:00.002-05:00

Goddamn it's just one of them days. It started last night when the fucking bus was 10 minutes late and then didn't stop for me! I ran to catch it and, with the help of some good Samaritans, boarded at the stop light. I get on and the driver goes 'You're welcome!' NO MOTHERFUCKER YOU DIDN'T STOP.

Then this morning I walk in to hear my least favorite person at work getting his dick sucked by a high up. Really annoying. He sucks.

Then people keep telling me things that I don't give a fuck about. I don't care about your boring life! SORRY!

Getting Matrimonized

2008-07-04T17:46:00.000-05:00

I guess I'm at an age when my contemporaries will start getting married. It's a weird feeling since I am barely responsible enough to have my own debit card. So here it happens in two weeks I go to two weddings.

WEDDING 1: EMMA AND ALEX, JUNE 21, MARTHA'S VINEYARD, MA
My role: Bridesmaid

It takes a very long time to get to Martha's Vineyard from New York. Like almost 10 hours. It was pretty annoying. But then I got there and it was beautiful. It's a weird place that feels a bit out of time. A lot of places on the island are "dry" which I don't understand and is freaky and Puritanical. The actual wedding was at Alex's mom's house (I think). It is a really huge house with a pool and other houses that are part of the house, y'know? I was a very delinquent bridesmaid and arrived about 20 minutes before the ceremony started. Instead of flowers, all the bridesmaids carried HERB BOUQUETS. I got rosemary.

I felt bad for the girl who got parsley :(
The ceremony was incredibly short. Afterwards we had hors d'oeuvres like mini burgers with Big Mac sauce and smoked salmon croque monsieurs. Alex is in a band called Ambulance LTD so there were tons of rock stars there. Hi Devendra!

The rock stars also did lots of drugs at/during dinner and couldn't identify the fig in their salads ("Is that a pomegranate?") Fun time!

Then it took many hours to get back home, but luckily Emma's sister and husband drove me all the way (so nice thanks guys!) and there was a baby involved.
Congrats Emma and Alex! I hope you don't get divorced EVER!!!

WEDDING 2: SAM AND CELINA, JUNE 28, PASADENA, CA
My role: best man's date

Planets aligned this weekend. Juliette and I were both nuptially obligated and decided to do an apartment swap. She ended up not staying in my apartment because of a Norwegian intervention, so I really got the long end of the swap stick (kinky!). I rented a car so I could be a real independent woman. I got a cute little Kia. It was so cute. Its blue hue matched all my outfits and brought out my eye color. Right when I got in, I met Noah and Jeremy for brunch. Noah bought a rug for super cheap (picture TK - pls check back). I spilled the beans about Alison and Joe getting engaged (which will likely be my next marriage-themed blog post). They were mad she hadn't told them, but whatever. Not my fault!
I got to Juliette's apartment and it was so nice. It's so cute. Like my Kia.
Jeremy and I went shopping and hung out by the pool. Then Mike and Noah met up with us for dinner at Gingergrass. Boiz night out!!! We went to Red Lion to wait for a table. The waitress at Red Lion was a TOTALLY NUTSOWEIRDO and kept getting mad that we were playing games with toothpicks. Bitch.
Gingergrass was delicious. Definitely go there.
Then we went to The Roost which is like 4th Avenue Pub, but more red and seedy inside. The Roost also plays better music. Really they're only similar because they both have free popcorn. The boiz and I had a heated Rock/Paper/Scissors contest. I came out victorious! All the boiz think it's a skill game. They were all figuring out odds and junk like 3!. Whatever. I have decided that it's more of a people-reading game than a skill game. Anyway, I'm the best in the world. Here Mike and Jeremy think about their next move.

After Mike won a round he'd yell I KNEW IT I KNEW IT. Very fun time.
After that we went to the Smog Cutter where we ran into Sam Solomon who we all knew from different places. So weird! Noah sang 'Family Affair' and a stranger did 'Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)' so I was happy.

Friday Mike and I got an early breakfast before he went to work. Then Ken and I went to LACMA to see the new Broad wing (BCAM) and the Chicano exhibit. Julio Cesar Morales' work was some of my favorite in the show.

The new wing was pretty beautiful. It reminded me of the Centre Pompidou because the stairs are on the outside.

The elevator was enormous and slow. The elevator shaft is Barbara Krueger decorated.

Every floor featured a Broad bio which was pretty tasteless. Also some of the work was a little cramped up. Like they put too much big stuff in all the smallish galleries. Overall I liked it, but I can understand why someone wouldn't.

Then Ken and I comparison tasted Peet's Coffee and Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. CBTL won. We also ate some sub par macaroons.

That night I met Noah in Pasadena for the rehearsal dinner. It was outside and lovely. Good food and great music (co-curated by me and Noah). I got a parking ticket though which was totally lame.

Saturday I met Priya for brunch. My new best gf!! Then Mike and I went to his secret laundry/hot tub/tennis spot and jammed by the pool. We saw the Indian guy from Heroes. I don't watch Heroes.

The ceremony was at Town Hall in Pasadena which is idyllic and beautiful. There were cocktails AT the ceremony. Totally awesome. There was a mariachi band. The ceremony was incredibly short (pattern?). No one could hear anything. But I just guessed what they were saying. Then Sam stomped the glass and the party got CRUNKED. We hung around and ate some apps and drank some drinks. I had two Coronas and a Miller light. Then we went to the reception at the Westin. I got to sit at the head table! I ordered a dirty martini. Celina's dad Jose gave the first speech. Now, I don't want to be racial, but it was a little bit sick. He talked all about her dresses and how beautiful she looked in the dresses she'd worn throughout her life. The whole thing was about the wedding dress and what a symbolic item that was for a woman, but it was kind of creepy. And then the father daughter dance. Yich I don't know. Maybe it's cultural. Anyway, Jose is very nice and I'm sure he's never done anything inappropriate with his daughter. That's what matters! Then I drank some champagne. Then we ate salad. Then Noah gave his speech. He was so nervous but it was really excellent. Kind of went for the funny-but-mostly-sincere-and-sweet style. Great job Noah!!

After that we danced a lot. The band was great and played hip hop covers (including Usher's 'Yeah') which is always an impressive and entertaining feat. I drank a glass of white wine. I ate halibut (very tasty!). The grandma danced so much that she fell down and broke her wrist. Uh ohs! Then I drank whiskey. I got a crush on this 16 yr old cousin from Mexico. She was the best dancer ever! She was wearing the cutest patterned dress. She had the same wig as me but a cooler cut with bangs and little curl tendrils around the face. I was totally jamazed. I thought of myself at 16. I could barely move my body enough to get from my house to school and here this coolgrrrl was moving around with total confidence and style. I love her. At 10 I got sleepy, but there was still 3 hours of party left. Noah suggested a Red Bull and vodka. That shit WORK. Who knew?! It tasted like jell-o, but it woke me the fuck up. We danced more and then went to sleep. It was a great great wedding. Everyone was so friendly. The band was awesome. I got to dance a lot. I barely had to talk to any strangers. Thanks for inviting me Noah! Congrats Sam and Celina. I also hope you never get divorced!

Sunday Mike and I took a drive to Malibu and then to Los Feliz for pie.

I had a late dinner with Ken and headed to the airport at an ungodly hour. I slept the entire flight home, but was still able to be disgusted by the bible reader sitting next to me. Between making notes in the margins of her Book, she took bites of her full french toast breakfast and full egg breakfast. Yes, two breakfasts in separate containers which she continued to devour during the course of the 6 hour flight.

I got back to a very unpleasant cab ride and work and humidity.

Bingo!

2008-06-13T06:49:00.002-05:00

BIRTHDAY: The Happiest Fortnight of the Year

2008-06-03T22:06:00.011-05:00

After three parties, lots of decadent food, some singing and dancing, I am finally done with this year's birthday extravaganza.

This was an eventful two weeks full of birthday and non-birthday activities.

It started with mom's arrival in New York. She came out for Zoe's graduation and to hang out with her blessed children. The first night I took her to Hope and Anchor. I didn't realize it was karaoke night! Awks! We were both very impressed with vocal range and hair volume of the towering drag queen hostess. The next few days were spent eating and resting, running errands and walking. We also went to PS1. Mike joined our little group a few days later, wearied from a Preakness bender with Erin.

Mike was most excited to go to the Condé caf which I don't think lived up to expectation.

Then came my actual birthday day!!! Despite the rainy weather, I had a fun time that day. Since it's Nadine's birthday too, there were three cakes at work. They were all delicious! After work I headed to Fette Sau where all my friends (and Mom and Mike) were waiting! It was such a warm fuzzy feeling to see everyone there! We ate lots of awesome things including, pork belly, brisket, pork ribs and beer. Hannah made the most awesome lemon curd and coconut cake. It was delicious. Surprise guest of the night: EZRA KINGDOM!!

Friday was Zoe's graduation. Mike and I went up to Bronxville in the morning. It was a really nice day to sit outside.

In the middle of the ceremony, this cool guy with Ray Bans walked down the aisle with his hand over his mouth, clearly about to throw up. This white foam spurt out from between his fingers. He still tried to keep it cool in front of all the parents. Pretty amazing. 4/5 of the family went out to lunch after the graduation. Congrats Zoe!!! We're so proud that you're a strong sexy independent woman!!

Then Mike and I headed back to the city. That night Paul, Mike Jess and I went to the new beer garden in Crown Heights. It is so nice!!! I'm going to go there all summer. Then we had a late dinner at Bar Tano. Very delicious.

Saturday night was my 2nd birthday party at Big Bar. Sam spilled a drink on me, but luckily I'm a really forgiving person so we're still friends.

People brought lots of treats like goat cheese cheesecake from the dessert truck (thanks Jeff and Jess) and beef horseradish chips (thanks Gretch!) I forgot to take pictures cause I was having too much fun! Thanks for coming everyone!

Sunday was Mike's last day here, so we took some long walks with Sam and just enjoyed Brooklyn. For dinner we tried to go to Bogota which is always fucking closed! It's ridiculous. So we went to Brooklyn Fish Camp instead where I had the most disgusting shrimp tacos ever. The beer and mussels were good, so not a total loss. Then I met up with Ken and some friends, one of whom is a writer at Allure. We had fun gossiping about coworkers.

Monday was the 2nd Annual Adam/Zara/Vanessa/Snugget Memorial Day BBQ. With temperatures in the low 80s (a vast improvement from last year's scorching temps and high humidity), it was a perfect day to lounge, eat and drink outside. There was tons of delicious food, most of which I can't remember. I just know I had fun! Thanks AVZS!!!

Wednesday I went to dinner with Adam in Chinatown. We got free squid balls in our soup! The woman making the soup was really insistent we get them because they'd just come in that day. They were pretty good. Questionable texture.

Then we went to Winnie's for karaoke with Ken and his friend/twin Alex. Sam jumped in on all my songs, but we're still friends. We did a dynamite "I've Never Been To Me" and sang "Movin' Out" with some rowdy Hawaiian teens. Adam's an incredible singer. Who knew?!?! Ken and Alex were good too of course.

Friday Laila, Sam and I saw the Sex and the City movie. I can't even begin to enumerate the myriad ways this movie is FUCKED UP AND BAD because I'll get very upset. I'll just say it was abysmal and that no concealed weapons is a good law because if I ever saw any responsible party I'm not sure what would happen. GOD IT WAS SO AWFUL AND OFFENSIVE. Ok I'm going to take a minute.
.
.
.
.
Aaaaaaand I'm back. I took a little walk. I'm calm and collected.

Saturday was my THIRD BIRTHDAY PARTY canyoubelieveitiknowright?1?!!? Jess Park (the most beautiful woman in the world) organized a Korea Town extravaganza. She sent out an incredibly detailed itinerary. Very impressive and so cute I'm going to paste it here for posterity.

Subject: NAOMI HAS YELLOW FEVER
YO BITCHES,
Here is the rundown for Naomi's birthday dinner fiasco. we will traverse boroughs and eat meat and sing and DRINK.

SATURDAY, MAY 31 (this saturday) RUN OF SCHEDULE:

* 6pm: Naomi's OPENING at GOWANUS - 7th St btwn 2nd & 3rd Aves in Brooklyn.
* 6-7 pm: drinking and watching naomi's art.
* 7:20 pm: depart for ktown.
* 8 pm: DINNER in KTOWN: Kang Suh, 1250 Broadway at 32nd St., 212-564-6845
o http://nymag.com/listings/restaurant/kang-suh/
o reservation for a room under my name: Jessica Park
* 8 - 10 pm: eating and drinking. paul yee sits near jess park to have asian domination over food.
* 10 pm: KARAOKE: Grammy Karaoke, 23 W 32nd St. NY NY 212.629.7171.
o http://newyork.metromix.com/bars-and-clubs/karaoke_bar/grammy-karaoke-midtown/56975/content
o Res for room under Jessica Park.
o * This joint is cheap - $100 per hour for 15 people = under $7 an hour. Coors light $4/Heinekin Corona $5. You can do this.
o 10 pm - sunrise: renditions of Mariah Carey Hero dedicated to Naomi Leibowitz by Jess Park.

LETS DO THIS.

see you later.

KOREANS ARE BETTER THAN EVERYONE.

The opening in Gowanus was good. There was a much larger turn out than I expected. I saw Sam's friend Joe Hassett, but didn't say HI because I couldn't place him. It was very hot inside. Thanks for coming Haley! We scooped up Sam and headed to K-town to meet up with 7/9 of the Chain for a feast! We got 2 bibimbaps, 5 orders of meat for bbq-ing, a cold noodle thing, seafood jeon, hmmm some other stuff too, but I can't remember. Anyway, it was delicious. Great job ordering Jess.

After dinner we went to Grammy (or Grand (the establishment was suffering a pretty profound identity crisis)) Karaoke. It looked like a pediatrician's office inside. They brought us treats TOTALLY GRATIS. The only bad thing about this place was their pithy song selection. It was no problem for the Chain though!! We still had a most fun time! It all went so quickly I can't remember what songs people sang. Oh god. Ok I'm thinking. Oh! Kat and Zaq did "Zombie" which was nice. Jeff and Ben did "Semi-Charmed Life." Also good. Chain members just leave other highlights in the comments section please. Thanks! I had a great time. Thanks for coming everyone!!

Other exciting events/news in the past week(s):

1. I have perfect teeth says the dentist!

2. I went to Craft which was just fucking fantastic and everyone should go it's so delicious and Tom's sexy as fuck.
3. I kind of quit smoking! Not reeeeally, but I've only had 2 this week. So that's basically like a quit, right? No strokes for me!!
4. I had a bed bug scare, but I was just being paranoid! Mosquitoes and other critters just love my sweet blood! That or it's a mild strain of flesh eating (Adam's hypothesis).
5. My ex-boss and Chicago Sun Times rock critic Jim DeRogatis testified in the R. Kelly trial! Here's a colorful recap of what happened. So amazing!
6. I bought a really spendy bag. I love it.
7. 3 people (Jason, dlb and Adrienne) sent me mixes which are filling my ears with much needed new refreshing sounds like:
a) The Dodos - Red and Purple
b) The 1900s - When I Say Go
c) Tim Fite - Big Mistake
d) She & Him - Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?

Next post will likely be a recap of wedding season 2k8 in which I play a bridesmaid. HWAT??!!?!?!? K THX BAI.

new best song!

2008-05-22T10:49:00.003-05:00

lllllllooove ittt!!!

Some interesting items

2008-05-14T14:35:00.005-05:00

1. The new secret flavor of Doritos is Mountain Dew.

So that's weird to make a chip taste like soda, but whatever. Jeffrey and I came up with a list of ideas for the next secret flavor:

ice cream cake
rootbeer float
nutella
bologna sandwich

2. This is rivals the Austrian for top prize in the Great Freak Naomi Out Race of 2008.

3. If you double click on any word on NYTIMES.COM a reference/definition window pops up.

icanhearyourthoughtsimeanmusic

2008-04-29T23:24:00.002-05:00

Today on the train home from dinner, this dude was blasting this out of his headphonespod. He was boopbopping along and rocking out to it. Fun guy!

LAdventure

2008-04-22T13:13:00.016-05:00

A lot of exciting things happened on my most recent venture to the West. Though honestly, all of them were eclipsed by one: the moment I heard the thumping synthesized drum beat of Miley Cyrus' gesamtkunstwerk See You Again. Everything else is a faint memory. The explosion of over-produced candy pop emanating from Juliette's Prius stereo is not something I will soon forget. DOWNLOAD HERE!!!

I will try to recount some other interesting tid bits so my readers don't get bored (luv u guys ur special!!). I flew Virgin American which was pretty neat. It's just like a funky disco inside, but like a planedisco. They have neon lights shining and trip hop playing when you walk in. You can order drinks on this little screen and don't have to talk to anyone!

Mike picked me up from the airport and we went to Griddle Cafe.

We got a thing with Chicago in the name just cuz! Then I had a super secret special meeting which I can't talk about on such a public forum. Just email me separately if you want to talk about it. Then Adam - god bless his unemployed self - agreed to entertain me for the remainder of the afternoon while my other friends took care of adult responsibilities. He played a game where he pretended to be mean and bored at first, but I know he was having fun. We walked around a bit, then went to Westwood and ate Red Mango.

Then we met up with Jeremy at the Hammer Museum to see the Kara Walker exhibit. It was pretty good! I hadn't seen much of her stuff aside from the cutouts, so it was nice to put those within a larger context.

After that the boys ate sushi. I drank beer and stole a piece here and there. Thanks guys! Then Jeremy bet Adam $2 that he wouldn't drink the remainder of our tempura sauce. AND HE DID CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?!?

This photo kinda sucks cause it looks like Coke in there, but I swear that's sauce.

After that I met up with Ariel who I hadn't seen in quite a long time. She was mad hungover and I was jet lagged, but we still had a great time catching up. We shared a vegan cupcake which was not so bad. Mike met us at AKbar which was mellow and dark red (almost burgundy) inside. Only as we were exiting did we see the insane dance party going on in the other room of the bar. We were probably too tired to partake anyway.

Friday I went to work with Mike and hung out there for a few hours. His work is very relaxing and equipped with tons of free snack foods. I'd get totally way fatter than I am if I worked there. It's all free and it's cookies and junk!! Ken picked me up and we embarked on a long day of cooking and eating. Due to some combination of overplanning and underthinking, we wound up with two very heavy meals nearly back to back. We made big burgers for lunch. I drank Pimps (loves it) and Ken made an extremely refreshing drink with Mezcal and spices. Then we went to the Museum of Jurassic Technology which is as great as everyone says. I like the fake science factoids and the room of Napoleon books. For want of anything else to do, we went to Target which is always fun, if depressing. Ken got a gardening knee pad for his mom.

For the second meal, against our better judgment, we made lamb chops. With a random assortment of baking products, we were only able to make one dessert item in all of Joy Of Cooking: pecan blondies. There were a few problems, but overall it was a successful meal that left me never wanting to eat again. I was really proud of the pecan blondies. They looked perfect and tasted very good.

After dinner I borrowed Ken's car and drove to Charlie O's, taking Olympic all the way (a fact that amused my friends greatly). Whatever it didn't take that long. When I walked in Jeffrey was there!! What a treat! He told me earlier, "Maaaaaybe I'll come if my abusive boyfriend Zach can give me a ride." And then there he was!

Rachel and Rob's awesome band He's My Brother She's My Sister were playing. Great job guys!!! Mike and I have a band called I'm His Sister I'm Her Brother because we were so inspired by you.

Saturday Mike and I went to Square One. We shared a baked egg dish with chorizo and a tortilla and some other stuff. We also had a fruit salad which was exquisite because produce in California is just amazing. After that we drove around a bit and then I remembered OH SHIT TREVOR LIVES HERE NOW!!!! I called him asap and went over to his apartment to chill. He ate some meatballs in front of me.

After that I FINALLY got to see my one true toe-headed love, Juliette Clair. She'd been working on a movie with a delinquent celeb's little sister. Guess which one!!! No, not Jamie Lynn. Guess again!! Oh I don't even want to tell you because it's more fun to have secrets! We went to Urban Outfitters because that's just what we do together. Juliette got a really sexual denim dress that will be pictured later in this post. DON'T SKIP AHEAD!!!

We met up with Mike at Mozza to gorge on Vanessa's mom's most awesome creations. Thanks for the reservation hook up V! I will give you some free magazines if you want! Jeremy was 15 minutes late which was very rude. We ordered the following:

Appetizers
Plate of Speck
Meatballs al forno
Mussels al forno with Calabrian sauce
Pizzas
Egg, guanciale, radicchio, escarole & bagna cauda
Bianca with fontina, mozzarella, sottocenere & sage
Clams, garlic, oregano, parmigiano & pecorino
And another one with something that sounds like sunchoke but isn't and came with a huge mountain of a fluffy white cheese. Guesses welcome.
Desserts
Butterscotch budino
Gelato: olive oil, mint chip, blood orange

SO GOOD!!!

After dinner we went to a wine/beer bar. It was totally empty and now my new favorite place to go for drinks in LA. Real relaxing. They also had an outdoor "courtyard" which was just a chain link fenced off area in an alley. Real relaxing. Juliette and I were tired, so after a quick stop at her friend's friend's birthday, we went home.

HUGE HUGE MISTAKE

After we left the birthday, her friend Rachel went to a part at Chateau Marmont with Sienna Miller and Justin Long and Jonah Hill and all those guys. And she's "in the bizz" so I could have actually had a conversation with one or more REAL LIFE CELEBS. Also Chateau Marmont!!! Anyway, never go home when you're tired because you might get to meet Sienna Miller and see how skinny she is in real life. My brother also ended up at tons of cool parties which would have been fun, but no I have to be a big pussy whose favorite activity is sleep. Gaaahhhhhhh.

Sunday I met up with Juliette and Rachel at Le Pain Quotidien in West Hollywood which is very nice and in a house that makes you feel fancy and famous. After that we met up with Mike and went to Griffith Park to play tennis. Mike's tennis buddy flaked, so we walked around and took some glamour shots in nature.

Griffith Park is cool, but it's not really a "park" y'know? It's just a mountain. I wanted to lie down and you really can't do that there. I guess it's good for hiking and starting fires.

After the park, we ate gelato in Los Feliz. Then Mike and I went back to his house to pack and just relax before dinner. Juliette mentioned a great Vietnamese restaurant she knew of called Lemongrass. We googled it and headed over there. It was in Glendale. Weird, but ok. Then we walked in and it was just like a normal not that nice Vietnamese restaurant. So I texted her and she said that she meant to say it was called Gingergrass. THANKS IDIOT. We'd already ordered so whatevs. It was fine.

Then I got on the airplane!!

NewHOTtunz!!!

2008-03-27T16:34:00.003-05:00

Again I'm about 6 months late here, but MGMT are so good!
Please enjoy, Kids.

SCOPE NY

2008-03-26T11:35:00.004-05:00

Tasting Rachael Ray is being featured as part of SCOPY NEW YORK this weekend at Lincoln Center. Here's the press release for the whole show.

SCOPE CELEBRATES BANNER YEAR WITH LAUNCH OF '08 AT NEW YORK'S CULTURAL ICON LINCOLN CENTER

NEW YORK - Building on Miami’s overwhelming success, SCOPE launches its 2008 season with its flagship fair, SCOPE New York 08. SNY08, an invitation only edition of SCOPE art fairs, proudly returns to Manhattan’s most famous cultural icon, Lincoln Center, with a glass facade pavilion situated in Lincoln Center's Damrosch Park, at the corner of 62nd Street and 10th Avenue. SCOPE New York is just blocks from the Armory Show and serviced daily by shuttles and pedicabs.

Featuring galleries from four continents and 20 countries, including China, Mexico, Japan, Korea, Brazil, Italy, France, Belgium, the Netherlands, Norway, Switzerland, Germany, UK, Spain, and Canada, SCOPE New York 2008’s 50 invitees will uphold its unique tradition of solo and thematic group shows presented alongside museum-quality programming, collector tours, screenings, and special events. The fair opens to press and VIP’s on Wednesday, March 26, 10am-5pm. General admission is $15.

Introducing artists, curators, and cutting-edge galleries to new audiences internationally has made SCOPE the most comprehensive destination for the emerging art world available anywhere. With art fairs in Miami, Basel, New York, London, and the Hamptons, SCOPE is proud to be an influential presence in the expanding global art market.

My work is part of exhibitor PAM. Check it out if you have time! It looks pretty cool.

2008-03-18T17:03:00.002-05:00

Doesn't this make you feel a very specific, but kind of un-locatable feeling?

No Peas In The Potpie

2008-03-17T09:10:00.005-05:00

This weekend I went to a bunch of neighborhoods and places! Friday night I went to Maya's opening in Jersey City. It's so cute there! Congrats Maya. Your piece was the best one for sure.

Saturday I went up to Sarah Lawrence to drive Zoe to JFK and steal her car for two weeks while she's off enjoying her youth in far away places (Chicago and Amsterdam). After some tears and theatrics, we got the airport just as Zoe's flight was taking off. She got on a later flight for only $50 (probably the only positive thing I can say about Delta Airlines). The old Pan Am terminal which is now occupied by Delta is kind of gorgeous. It feels like you're inside the heart of the building as you wind through the series of ramps to the drop off spot. It's a lot like driving through Grand Central coming off Park Avenue.

I made my way back to Park Slope, driving past The Federation of Black Cowboys which is always fun. At home I cleaned my apartment, washed my sheets, applied for things and watched Skins.

For dinner, Sam and I went to Hope and Anchor.

There was a funny exchange between the waiter and this snobby father whose disgruntled child was dressed in a full dinosaur costume. I don't think it will translate in writing, but feel free to call me and I'll tell you over the phone. There are voices involved.
Then we drove to Greenpoint and had a drink with Hannah and Brandon.

Then this happened.

Sunday, Adrienne Sam and I got brunch and headed to Emily's Easter party. Great Easter party Emily!!

There were lots of foods including: bunny shaped cookies, Hamburger Helper, tea sandwiches (egg salad and cucumber), bagels and cream cheese, roasted potato wedges, quiche and some other things I can't remember.

Headgear was provided

The Easter egg hunt was really fun and well organized. I got the loser's discarded chocolate crucifix. Total score for me.
Then we got MINDTRAPPED

Then I got itchy from the cat and had to go home.

The rest of my weekend was spent worry about things and watching Skins which is the best show ever made.

In other news, I hate St. Patrick's Day. It makes me sick. Does that mean I'm racist?

This is pretty important too. Japanese Bug Fight

a few things

2008-02-23T12:41:00.004-05:00

1. Celeb sighting! I will be Jeanne Claude for Halloween and I need a Christo...

2. I had a dream that Heath Ledger died because he was so distraught that his wife (Natalie Portman) was a two-timing lesbian. He was confiding in me, crying, saying how upset he was by her duplicity.

3. I just started listening to Jens Lekman about a year too late. He's so good! Here's my favorite song so far.
Pocketful of Money

4. I saw Matt Pinfield at Katz's Deli on Wednesday night. He had brought in his own 1 liter bottle of ginger ale. He kept looking around to make sure no one noticed. Then he hoovered a sandwich and gave the remains of his ginger ale to Zach and Peter.

5. I just learned that he plural of court-martial is courts-martial.

5 Day Weekend

2008-02-19T17:35:00.003-05:00

THUR/14/FEB

I had my 2nd Annual Valentine's Day Waffle Party. I bought a bottle of $11.99 maple syrup. Thanks Union Market!!!!!11 Paul made some awesome potato-cheese things with home-made pesto. We went crazy adding fruit and things to the waffles. Fun time! Thanks for coming, the three of you who did.

After a quick haircut, I headed to LaGuardia. It remains the most depressing disgusting airport in the world, but also the most conveniently located, so what can you do? I forgot that flying Thursday night means tons of Yids. The plane was like 50% Yid. Particularly annoying: adolescent Yids. They are such entitled pricks. Like leaning back in their seats, asking for extra drinks, yelling down the length of the plane at their friends. It's so ridiculous since they effectively exclude themselves from society (financially, socially, geographically even) and then act like they own the place. Like, get a grip. You don't want to participate in secular society, you don't get an extra ginger ale. FFFFFFF off. One of the flight attendants looked like a cross between Tilda Swinton and Judy Greer. She was tall with long red locks and looked so upset to be there. I loved her a little.

Mommy picked me up from the airport which was so nice since it was many hours after her bedtime. The first thing she mentioned was Chicago's XTREME pothole problem. It was ridiculous! There were tons of enormous potholes around the city! For shame, Richard.

FRI/15/FEB
Mom and I went shopping and ate lunch at this new restaurant in the mall. We shared soup and a blt. The blt was stellar. Soup was gross. Then Mom bought me some new bras and underwear and also an APC skirt (on major sale). THANKS MOM UR SO NICE!!! We were going to go see Casablanca at the Music Box, but then I said, 'What if we don't see Casablanca at the Music Box?' And Mom said, 'Yeah I don't care!' So that was fun to change plans at the last minute. Made me feel powerful. Then we shopped more.

Dad made steak and baked potatoes for dinner. Very yummy.

Then I headed down to Hyde Park to Alie's house. Joe decided to go out with his friends who club (douche), so Alie and I had some girl time snuggling up on the couch. Then we went to see Step Up 2: The Streets. I realized when we were in the parking lot that I had been driving without my wallet (which I inadvertently left in my carry-on) the entire time!! So Alie paid for everything and I drove very cautiously (even more so than normal) after that. Step Up 2: The Streets was good. The protagonist was very cute and I fell in love with her sidekick, Moose. He was the best dancer by far. Goddamn. Also the finale was like an urban dance explosion in the rain with popping and locking and body rolls jfieoameoa so good.

Also it has that AWESOME Flo Rida song.
DOWNLOAD HERE!!

SAT/16/FEB

Happy birthday Lindsay and Ken!! Yaaaaaaaaaaay! Sorry I missed your party Linds. I told Maher to get you some pinot, so I felt like I was there in a removed tannic kinda way. Mom Dad and I went to see Imamura's The Eel. It was good. My favorite part was when the main character (**SPOILER!!1**) set the eel free and said, "No one knows who your father is, but you're still a fantastic eel." It was a tender moment.

We dropped dad off at home, then the ladies went to Trader Joe's which is always a treat because the one in NY is a cluster fuck. We got a bunch of frozen appetizers and a tub of Dunkers.

After dinner (comprised almost entirely of TJ items), Joe and Alie picked me up and we headed to Happy Village. We had some cocktails. I queried Joe about a number of medical topics including heart murmurs and the effects of smoking on heart murmurs. He said he was the only one in his class who was able to hear a heart murmur which led me to believe that he knew what he was talking about. He doesn't.

They were auctioning off the neon signs at Happy Village which made me wonder if they're going out of business. I hope not!!

Later we met up with Mazen and his sfoxy friends at Rainbo. Then we went to McDonalds where I ripped my coat craning to see the late-night menu.

SUN/17/FEB

I haz hang0v3r! I finally roused myself to do laundry and my taxes. Turbo Tax is really as good as everyone says. Dad said I would be "surprised and delighted" by how easy it was to use. I was surprised and delighted.

After taking care of adult responsibilities with the help of my parents, I went shopping with mommy more! THANKS FOR BUYING ME THOSE OTHER THINGS!!!

Then we went to mom's office to take picture of her wares for eBay. My mom's boss has gotten her ensconced in this crazy old person scheme. He works in real estate and because of the crisis, he's not buying or selling presently. So to make money in the meantime, he has my mom go onto liquidation.com and buy lots of various items (including pen drives and broken iPods). She then sells the stuff on eBay and Craigslist. She has like 7 pieces of home exercise equipment in her office (she sold two already).

She has all the iPods labeled with stickies detailing their specific ailment(s).

Anyway, I took lots of pictures of these things. It was weird. Like, that cannot be cost effective if you're paying someone a lot to sell these kind of cheap items. Whatever, desperate times I guess. Mom's an eBay master now, so that's a plus?

After dinner at home, I went down to Alie and Joe's to hang out. We had a list of things to do including listening to my heart murmur and talking about heart murmurs. Also playing Rock Band. Joe gave me an almost full physical (he didn't want to touch my boobs in front of Alison (gentleman)). I'm normal and healthy!! Great great news. Thanks Joe!

We watched some of Reality Bites and I headed home.

MON/18/FEB

Mom drove me to the airport (so nice!!). My flight kept getting delayed for mostly undisclosed reasons. One of the things I know slowed us down, but was worth it, was the de-icing of the wings. It was so awesome. This guy was up on a forklifty thing, first spraying a misty cloudy substance (pictured) and then just hosing the wings down with a very viscus green goo. It was way thicker than car antifreeze. Then it kind of sinisterly dripped off the wings as we waited on the funway for 30 minutes.

I got home to a balmy 60 degree day and an anti-semetic cab driver. I spent the rest of the day with Sam walking around Brooklyn listing reasons we're better than everyone (aka the usual).

JOKE(?) OF THE DAY

2008-01-30T13:23:00.000-05:00

My life is in sub-prime crisis!

WKND = :) :) :) :)

2008-01-28T15:21:00.000-05:00

This weekend was a real stand out. Erin picked me up from work Friday evening. We went out to a nice Restaurant Week dinner. We ate too much and got tummy aches, but it was fun.

Then we headed to the American Museum of Natural History for the Cool Kids/Kid Sister show. It was a fun, alternative (if impractical) venue for a show. It looked like the prom scene in She's All That.

The Cool Kids were really awesome. Kid Sister was less awesome, but then it got good again when KANYE WEST CAME OUT (onto the stage, not out of the closet lolz!! (everyone knows))!! He was wearing a floor length mink (everyone knows)!!! He short.

Anyway, it was really exciting. There was lots of dancing and screaming which was just what I needed after a long day at the office, y'know?
Here's my new fave The Cool Kids song.
Download: Gold And A Pager MP3

Saturday I just could not get up! Erin let me sleep in because she's such an awesome girlfriend. We got bagels at Terrace Bagel and then went to see How She Move. The answer? AWESOMELY! It wasn't as good as Stomp The Yard, but still enjoyable! Then Erin blew tons of $$$ at Brooklyn Industries.

We stopped by Lady Bird Bakery to get a cake from Girlfriendit'slibby. She's the nicest friend of mine who works in a bakery in history (sorry Sam)! Thanks Girlfriend!

After a little respite at my "crib," we headed to Manhattan for the long awaited THE CHAIN'S 2007 SECRET SANTA EXCHANGE. There was tons of food, expertly prepared by Jess and Jeff (who politely made himself scarce) including: goat cheese toasties, brussels sprouts, salad, and a baked rigatoni thing with cheese and chicken sausage. Delicious! Paul made pulled pork which was tasty and impressive.

There were some hold-over 2006 gifts that were finally given to their rightful owners. Jess gave Matt the sheets promised to him. Ben gave Jamaal a Madvillain figure and a hoodie with an Aquateen terrorist bomber on it.

The 2007 gifts unfolded thusly:

Matt gave me Stomp The Yard, Material Girls and some temporary eagle tattoos. There was a mystery swap gift Matt gave me the option of trading Material Girls out for. I stuck with Duff after seeing what it was.

I gave Zach a Mary Cassatt Book.
Zach gave Ben a Glengary Glen Ross pillow case and Love & Pop

Ben gave Jess three big bags of Swedish Fish, a Uniqlo t-shirt, and an animation OF HER!!!!!

Jess gave Gretchen a blue silk scarf and a knit black hat.
Gretchen gave Jamaal a signed copy of Anthony Bourdain's book The Nasty Bits and a Uniqlo t-shirt with a fuzzy felt monster on it.
Jamaal gave Matt some LED lights to put around his work station when he's up late animating. Apparently they also play music and junk.
Paul gave Erin a combo soup and sandwich plate (which was a thing they'd previously discussed).

Erin gave Paul a salad chopper device like from an infomercial and a wacky t-shirt that was born from the Internet.

GREAT WORK EVERYONE!!! Other highlights included a pack of military porn playing cards, boys singing into ersatz microphones (wooden spoons, paper towel stands, etc), Erin spilling copious amounts of wine because of her reckless gesticulating, the hilarious message I thought of to write on the cake, and Zach squeezing my head a bunch of times.

Thanks for opening your pretty apartment to us, Jess. UR SO BRAVE.

Sunday we went to brunch at Hope and Anchor. It was delicious as always. I had a lamb burger. Erin sped home with dozens of bagels for Kathy leaving me with great memories, a full heart and a blanket with a pack of wolves on it. THIS IS WHAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF!!

Sunday night I bought a ton of socks at Filene's and went to see the Romanian abortion movie. It was really great and sad, but mostly just disturbing and thought-provoking. Also I liked how it used the vernacular of new wave (like fixed cameras and zooms and stuff). Very refreshing!

I wish it was still this weekend because working sucks and I don't want to do it anymore and I just want to have fun with my friends ALL THE TIME and also give/get presents and eat food. :( :( :( :( :(

L.L. BEAN

2008-01-24T10:36:00.000-05:00

Spring catalog not as good as Fall catalog.

Travelblog: STC goes to CES, part II

2008-01-11T11:18:00.000-05:00

It's time to spin the wheel with me, the SPECIAL TRAVEL CORRESPONDENT. I was sent to Las Vegas for work to observe the Consumer Electronics Show. I stayed at the MGM Grand, a giant green hotel and casino at the sourthern end of the Strip. At the MGM, there is a slot machine everywhere a slot machine will fit and some places where it won't (awkwardly placed in the middle of busy hallways, right in front of the front desk, shoved next to the ice machine on the 14th floor). In this, the hotel wasn't any different from any other part of Vegas-- even McCarren Airport, from where I'm writing, is full of dinging, whistling machines.

Along with the slot machines, light shows, girlie shows, indoor smoking, and overpriced drinks, seems to be pretty much the same as every other casino in Vegas. But each of the big ones has a gimick-- the Flamingo is old, the Bellagio is artsy, the Venetian is, well, Venetian. The MGM has a gimick too, which seems to be some half-baked old Hollywood theme, but the only real evidence of this I saw was the giant photo of Cary Grant coyly holding a daisy above my bed. In my mind what really distinguishes the MGM is the family of lions who live in the casino. There is actually a three-story glass-caged lion habitat in between the roulette tables and the "high-end" slot machines ($100 and up only). The lions appear every day from 10 AM to 11 PM. I can't imagine this attracts guests or gamblers, but in Vegas everything that could be noble must be devalued as much as possible. I guess failing to enter the King of the Jungle in this race to the bottom would have been a major oversight.

The first day was mostly taken up by failing to get accostomed to my surroundings and playing with Juliette, who came to visit me from LA. I think I might have wandered off into the desert if she weren't there the first night. Because she was there, I got to cut out on the company party and have dinner with her at the casino. Then we went up to my hotel room, talked about relationships, did the crossword puzzle, and drank ginger ale. Vegas!

Juliette left the next morning and I spent the bulk of the day at the Consumer Electronics Show. There was a lot of walking, a giant, giant conference hall, throngs of jerks in ugly blazers, a million gadgets, and even more people saying the word "gadget." Other than this I have almost no recollection of the show. A lot of the convention was about cell phones-- cell phones that can post video directly to YouTube, cell phones that can project a photo onto a wall, cell phones with buttons that feel really good. In other words, a whole lot of nothing, most of it focused on user generated content. I hate the idea of user generated content (I know I'm blogging, but I'm pretending I'm not); it makes me feel like what's left of our culture is going to collapse and frey. Thanks to these fancy new phones, everyone will stop reading and thinking in favor of watching Internet videos of dogs running into windows. I suppose that's already happened.

Although I can't remember much about it, the conference was exhausting, but that night I had to go out with my company's delegation. We went to a party in the Four Seasons attended by DAVID CARUSO. I excitedly called the delegates attention to the fact that the star of Jade was standing directly behind them, but they promptly decided that he had a disappointing ass and wrote him off. Shortly thereafter, we moved on to the Emeril Lagasse Las Vegas Wine Bar to get smashed on their corporate cards.

So what did I take away from my trip? I learned some new things about slot machines. First, you don't have to pull the lever-- you have the option of pushing a button with a picture of a lever on it if you're too drunk, tired, depressed, or left-handed to muster up the energy reaching to the right of the machine. Second, they don't spit out money anymore; instead, you get a ticket with a bar code, which you redeem at a special ATM. In short, they've managed to identify the only two exciting things about slot machines and remove them. This didn't keep people from staying up all night playing. Seriously-- I walked passed a man at a machine near the elevator Monday night and saw that he was still there when set out for the conference on Tuesday morning. I also learned that there are new uses for cell phones. On the plane back to New York I'll figure out how this is supposed to apply to my work.

Travelblog: STC goes to CES, part I

2008-01-07T10:21:00.000-05:00

I've been begging people to guest travelblog on Machine Dot Girltron since its inception. SPECIAL TRAVEL CORRESPONDENT finally acquiesced. Here's the first of several posts to come from CES in Las Vegas.

8:18 AM
STC: first live blog entry:
           i'm in kennedy airport
STC: it's like they just remembered they had this place and decided to open it up, but forgot to clean it
STC: horrifying
           also
8:19 AM
           the internet connection barely works
STC: and star jones is appearing on the today show as an expert witness re: britney spears
me: oh wow
STC: i am one of a hundred thousand young executive assholes dicking around this airport, waiting to go to the consumer electronics show
me: i bet
STC: as always, i look the shabbiest by far.
me: aka the best!
8:20 AM
STC: but even this early, there have been pluses:
            1) they had sharffen berger chocolate at the gate
           2) the car took atlantic avenue all the way down to jfk, which was pretty interesting
8:21 AM
           2b) on the ride down, we drove past saumel underberg hardware, which is heavily featured in the fortress of solitude-- that was cool
           3) i made it here in time
           i wish i had pictures for you but i just don't
me: it's ok. i can google some stuff
STC: fun!
           yes!
           yes!
me: COLLAB
           ORA
           SHUN
STC: here's some more stuff if you're going to do an image search
           i ate a stale, chewy bagel
8:22 AM
STC: the coffee area looked like it had pretty much returned to a state of nature-- there was milk and coffee and creamer everywhere.
           awful, just awful
me: oh yikes
STC: shnikes
me: i don't live in beirut for a reason, naaahmean?
STC: I LIVE IN AMERICAN GOD DAMN IT
8:23 AM
           "you server yourself coffee," the coffee cashier said
           "I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AMERICA," i said
me: yeah that doesn't sit well with me AT ALL
STC: etc etc etc
           i leave it up to you to edit all of this
           blogster
           blogmistress
           BLOGGETTTTT
           not atall
8:24 AM
           okay
           it's time for me to go to nashvegas
           ooh
me: ok have a great fun time!
            laugh as much as you can!

Some Exciting Things

2008-01-04T10:17:00.001-05:00

1. The space heater I bought last night made my room the toastiest little hot box ever. Oh it's a little loud, but it just really warmed me up!

2. OBAMA!! It's just really exciting and he's such a fantastic dazzling orator! And he's such a futzing fox!

3. A very delicious drink is passion fruit juice and gin.

4. It's going to get warmer this weekend.

5. The holidays are over which is actually something to be :( about. Here are some highlights.
a) Snugget and Vanessa's holiday party

b) Christmas Eve dinner (Mom and Dad looking fantastic)

c) New Year's Eve

Things What Are For Holydaze

2007-12-27T22:25:00.001-05:00

Having a cold

Being cold

Ginger flavorz

Family

Shopping with all my best girlfrienz

Erin Y.: Soothsayer

2007-12-18T13:16:00.001-05:00

Erin says, "Life sucks, is unfair, and is mostly boring." That's true! What's also true is that we should be grateful that we don't have to listen to reggae all the time. Or ever if we don't want! So that's a thing what to be thankful for this holiday season. Also Airborne has 1,667% of your daily recommended dose of vitamin C which is just hilarious.

LIVEBLOG: Quartet of Doritos

2007-12-06T20:56:00.000-05:00

I'm live blogging from my living room about to consume two kinds of Collisions Doritos.

8:57pm
I just opened the bag of Hot Wings/Blue Cheese. I can tell the difference in flavors by looking at the chips (one red, one white).

8:58pm
Blue Cheese alone tastes a lot like Cool Ranch, but with that blue cheesey aftertaste.

8:59pm
Hot Wings alone tastes just like regular Doritos, but with a tiny spiced aftertaste. Not very noticable. I'm disappointed so far.

9:00pm
Taken together the flavors compliment and enhance each other a bit. I dunno. This is not as cool as I thought it would be. Ok I'm opening Zesty Taco/Chipotle Ranch. Coke is serving as my palette cleanser.

9:02pm
I think some of the Zesty Taco rubbed off on the Chipotle Ranch because it tastes kind of taco-y.

9:03pm
Zesty Taco tastes a LOT like a taco. Or it tastes like that powder taco seasoning. Which is probably exactly what they used to flavor this chip.

9:05pm
The Zesty Taco and Chipotle Ranch really go well together. The spice of the Taco comes in and then the Chipotle Ranch cooooools it down. Chipotle Ranch is a misnomer though b/c it's not spicy at all.

9:10pm
Things are getting difficult to decipher as the flavors keep building in my mouth. All that powdery seasoning is lingering too much for me to keep these taste sensations straight.

9:12pm
Ok I really can't tell what's what now.

Fall Break Part II: Chicago

2007-11-29T00:07:00.000-05:00

THURSDAY:

Since Zoë decided to have Thanksgiving with us this year (something that hasn't happened since veganism took hold of our youngest several years ago), we only got three items from Boston Market: turkey, mashed potatoes and corn bread. The rest of the meal which included dressing (or stuffing, but not so-called because it wasn't prepared inside the bird), haricot verts, sweet potatoes, salad (endive/pickled beet/walnut (I forgot the pear)), cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie were all vegan! 66%!!!!! It was delicious. We also had a turkey-shaped butter.

Dad gave thanks for antibiotics, that we aren't dead and that we all speak English (which is God's language (which we know because the Bible was written in English (obviously))). Then mom tried to finish naming all the presidents. Zoe got mad. It was a really fun family time! Here are the boys, deliriously sated after the big meal.

FRIDAY:
Dad planned every meal for the vacation. Today's breakfast was challah french toast. It was moist and delicious. After breakfast and lounging, we went to see Margot at the Wedding which wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I learned that Mom always gets the Kid's Pack at the AMC. She likes it because it comes in a tray.

After the movie, we ate salmon for dinner. Then I picked up Alison, Jeremy and Noah in Hyde Park and we went to Rainbo Club. I love it there. It's so relaxing. We drank some greyhounds and ate Mamba.

I ran into MC! Hi, coquettish cutie!!!

Then we went to Katie's party and ran into lost of people from high school which was both pleasant and unpleasant. There was a tasty cake there. I ate some of it. We also played games with a plantain.

Here's Katie on Katie's fridge twice.

SATURDAY:
Today's breakfast was buckwheat pancakes, Dad's specialty. They were good as ever. There was also bacon. After eating and lounging, Mom, Dad and I went to see No Quarto da Vanda, or In Vanda's Room at The Siskel Center. It's a documentary about a heroin addict living in a Lisbon slum, directed by Pedro Costa (who I learned later is kind of famous). The woman profiled in the film we also later learned stars in many of Costa's fictional films. I'm not sure I understand the logic of hiring a heroin addict to star films that aren't documentaries about heroin addicts, but I don't understand lots of things, soooo yeeah. The film looked like a Caravaggesque Vermeer.

See kind of?
Anyway, it was very dark obviously, but very beautiful looking, well shot and produced.
When we got home, Dad made lamb chops. Lamb taste good.

SUNDAY:
Today we ate lox and bagels in the morning. Robin picked me up and we went to Target. I got some tampons!! After that I went shopping with Mom. She bought me a dress. Thanks Mom!!!
For dinner we had turkey divan which is a casserole with some creamy dressing sauce on top and a bread item and a vegetable. I'd never had it before, but it's really the best way to use the greatest number of Thanksgiving leftovers all at once.

MONDAY:
I woke up at 3:30 am to get to the airport. Then I went immediately to work. I felt like this:

Fall Break Part I: Los Angeles

2007-11-22T21:19:00.001-05:00

SATURDAY
I arranged for Jerry to pick me up for the airport at 4:30 am on Saturday morning. He called me at 4:15 and said (in a thick Brooklyn accent), 'Look, I'm coming to pick you up in about 10 minutes. There's a guy in the car, but he's got nothing to do with you. You're going to the airport, ok? He's got nothing to do with you.' So I got in the car and there was indeed a man in the car, passed out in the front seat. 'He works at Blue Ribbon. You ever been there? Oh, it's delicious.' Jerry proceeded to talk to me the entire ride, pointing out interesting sites on the way to JFK, including the Federation of Black Cowboys located somewhere between Brooklyn and Queens. I got to the airport and slept nearly the entire flight since I had only gotten two hours of sleep the night before (and four hours of sleep the night before that). Michael picked me up and we went to brunch at Toast. Juliette met us there too for a special surprise!! I love Juliette1!!!111 After brunch, we met up with Lauren and Rachel to thrift shop in Pasadena. I got a flannel and grey cut-offs. After that Mike got his hair cut!! Finally!! I was so proud of him for going through with it. It's still in transition but I think it's a vast improvement. He looks great!

We got some Thai food for dinner in Silverlake and then went to a party with Juliette, Rachel and Max. This party was awesome because
(1) it was in a big house with a large backyard and a bonfire
(2) it was amazingly well stocked (lots of kinds of beer, hard alcohol and food (including oversized Pocky))
(3) there was a gorgeous fluffy dog there named Frannie

SUNDAY
We met up with Juliette, Rachel, Max, Jessie and Olga (aka Big Love +1) at Joan's on Third. It's like Dean and Deluca, LA-style. Very delicious and overpriced (which I think makes it taste even more delicious).

After that we went to some stores and walked around The Grove and stuff. I bought some books and a sun glasses case. I went to Ken's house for dinner. He made a delicious steak with potatoes and a salad. We had a Ritter Sport for desert and drank non-headache-inducing red wine. Then we went in search of open bars which, at midnight on Sunday, was a difficult task. We ended up at The Prince which was awesome. You can smoke inside and they play Korean pop music. They also inexplicably serve tortilla chips and salsa as a bar snack.

MONDAY
I met Juliette in the morning at Griddle Cafe. It was DELICIOUS and DECADENT! We ordered an egg dish with Big Mac sauce on it and really tender french toast. After eating, we took a magical trip to the Valley to test drive a new Prius at a kind-of-used car dealer. There were a lot of analogies about shoes made of paper to explain why the price our salesman was quoting us was about $2000 more than the price indicated on the Prius website.

I had about 6 hours to kill before Mike got off work so I went to a movie at Arclight and hung out at Borders. It was boring, but not that boring. Southland Tales is weird. It's not as good as Donnie Darko. Mike picked me up and we met Jeremy for dinner at a Mexican restaurant.

After dinner, Mike and I went to Metal Skool at The Key Club. It was the sickest scene ever. There were disgusting people there. The opening band was completely ridiculous. It was 4 'roided out dudes wearing sleeveless denim shirts (shaved armpits (vomit)) singing this really poppy 'metal.' It was hilarious.

As a warm-up before Metal Skool came on, this dude video taped the crowd and projected the video above the stage. He basically asked girls to show their tits and if they didn't he called them prude cunts and if they did he called them slutty whores. It was very disgusting -- a real Girls Gone Wild, date rape, peer pressure situation. I was extremely uncomfortable. The band finally came on and it was more of the same. Girls went on stage and the lead singer told them to get naked and if they didn't that the band wouldn't fuck them after the show. I found out later that all the people in the band are married with children and the whole thing is just a complete act. I don't know if that makes it better or worse. It was kind of shocking to see how into it everyone was. It was so sad for everyone! What's fun about it? Seeing what terrible things you can say to girls to make them feel bad enough about themselves to show their vaginas to thousands of people? Is that exciting? Like, do men really need to exercise power in such a retarded, base way? And why is it exciting for the girls who do it? Because they need attention? It was insane. Also the music wasn't even that good. It was just mediocre covers of songs I don't even like in their original form. The one funny thing was that everyone in the band represented an archetype of a 'metal' character and the 'effeminate' one was really well done. He had wind on him the whole time and kept checking himself in a hand mirror. The scene outside was kind of hilarious. This one guy was begging to get in. Like insane begging. It was just a weird thing through and through. I hope I never go somewhere like that again. It made me feel gross and sad.

TUESDAY
I did some web work for Andrew Kreps in the morning and then Ray picked me up for lunch. We went back to Joans on Third which was also delicious for lunch. We shared an iceberg salad and I had a ham and brie sandwich. We drove around listening to an English-accents-for-actors CD. Ray's accent isn't as good as mine which made him jealous. It's ok, Ray!!
We went to hang out at Mike's work, Anonymous Content. He has a fun job with free food and movies playing all the time.
We met Juliette for dinner at a noodle place in Silverlake. It was very brightly lit. We got gelato afterwards. Then I had some drinks at Ken's house to help him use the copious amounts of ice his ice maker produced over the preceding 24 hours. I <3 Jameson and Ginger Ale.

WEDNESDAY
I got to the airport insanely early, worried about the holiday rush. I got through security in about 7 minutes and would have gotten through faster but I was behind a HP salesman in line who extracted about 1010039839 laptops for x-ray. It was hilarious. Jeremy insisted on boarding the plane before me (even though we were sitting next to each other) because he was in Seating Group 2 and I was in Seating Group 3. The guy sitting in front of me immediately upon taking his seat pushed back all three seats in his row. Even though no one else was sitting in the other two. So Jeremy finally leaned over and righted the seat in front of him telling the guy, 'Sorry bro, I'm just gonna fix this since nobody's sitting here yet.' 'Well someone will be.' 'Well we're also going to take off in a minute, soo...' He was a complete dick. We spend the entire flight passive aggressively kicking the backs of their chairs while he and his girlfriend got plastered and necked inches from our faces.

Note: Jeremy is not leaning forward.
I'm never flying United again. NO LEG ROOM!!!!

When I got home, I went to Hyde Park to meet up with Alie, Joe and Jeremy to go to Jimmy's. Noah and his brother came later too.

wow

2007-11-07T11:21:00.000-05:00

yesyesyesyeyseysyeysyse

2007-11-04T19:57:00.000-05:00

i just ordered a 40 pack on amazon. YESYESYEYSYEYSYES

Most Awesome Dream

2007-10-23T12:01:00.000-05:00

I was flying to Paris and at the last minute me and Sam got on this Australian airlines (which was called Quantanas in my dream which i think is close to what it actually is, but not exact) flight. We were really amped b/c it was supposed to be the nicest airline ever. And it was. It was like an enormous ship with tons of recreation activites and areas and stuff. Like it was huge and there were no seats, it was open air. It took off normally, but since there were no seats, people were kind of flying around and bumping into each other, but it was ok b/c it was luxurious. At one point we almost hit into something in a city, but then narrowly missed it. It was pretty scary, but the fancy business people who travel Air Quantanas all the time were like, 'No that's what makes this airline the safest ever b/c they have such finesse with the large aircraft.' There were stages with performers and people milling around drinking cocktails. There was this forested area where you could take a little walk through and see some neat trees. Also we were in the water at one point in a pirate themed part of the 'plane.' There were tons of whales swimming alongside us! I think we steered into Sea World by accident and then somehow the plane mimicked the motion of the whale to make it think it was a whale too (no water came inside though). Then there was as small area with some rocks just across the water from us and Brody Jenner was there!!!! So he came aboard b/c he thought Gretchen (who was with me at that point after Sam magically disappeared) and I were smoking fine. He had a friend there too. Maybe Frankie. So we were about to go back to the main area and get drinks when we run into Johnny Knoxville with whom Brody has huge beef! So there was a skirmish and Johnny tried to tell me not to go out with Brody, but I was like, ‘Look I have to find out for myself.’ Then it seemed like the plane was going to be diverted to Tel Aviv which I wasn't clear about. Sam came back, Gretchen disappeared. End!

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!111

2007-10-15T09:37:00.000-05:00

whoa!@$@%$&^%*

2007-10-14T13:07:00.000-05:00

If you select text in ms word and click option+apple+c, it changes from all caps to all lowercase to regular (caps for prop nouns/sentence beginners) and back again!!! AMAZING!!!!

places i'd rather be / people i'd rather see

2007-09-25T11:11:00.000-05:00

(no, that's not a death cab for cutie lyric)

Three Couch Living Room

2007-09-09T19:12:00.001-05:00

This weekend was one of extreme ups and downs. After initial elation Friday morning that I might get to go to the US Open with Sam and Paul, the rest of the day was spent reeling from the missed opportunity. I was so disappointed and really shocked myself at what a baby I was being. Several extremely annoying comments from coworkers made it even more depressing to be stuck at work while friends were off doing fun things outside.

The end of the day finally came and Hannah and I decided to get a naughty after-work drink. We wound up at an extremely expensive French restaurant bar, primarily because of its proximity to MOMA (my next stop for the evening) and the E train (important for Hannah's airport route). La Grenouille looked too fancy for us from the outside, but, unfamiliar with the midtown bar scene, we decided to give it a whirl. We were the youngest people in the restaurant by at least 30 years. With wine starting from $15, I was curious what a mixed drink would set me back. I asked. $16. I said, WHY NOT I'M BEING NAUGHTY TONIGHT!! The drink was well mixed and to compensate for the exorbitant prices, there were TONS of delicious bar treats including: kettle chips, peanuts, and green olives. Hannah put her olive pits on the wrong plate at first and was reprimanded for doing so.

The owner of the restaurant must have noticed that we were ripping into the snacks, because he came over to us and said, 'Eeet lookz like you gerls are uhngry.' He presented a tray of puff pastry hors d’oeuvres and some other kind of roasted nut. We kept using the wrong plates for things and being told (very nicely) what plate was for what refuse. We were also given what I thought was a generous amount of napkins, but maybe they give everyone that many napkins. Anyway, the service was top notch and the "free" snacks were very tasty. We got the bill and were confused to find TWO lines for tip. One said waiter and one said something else. Very weird, especially considering that we didn't order any food. I wrote 'Thanks!' in one of the tip lines and left a hefty tip in the other, as the bartender was very attentive and sweet.

After that I was way late to meet Adrienne at Moma for the last days of the Serra exhibit. I breezed through (my preferred style of museum patronage) and then walked her to Hell's Kitchen. After that some annoying stuff happened for a few hours. After the annoying stuff, I got to meet up with Joe and Alison who were in town!!! YES YES YES THANK GOD. It's just so much fun to be around Joe and Alison. Just a real treat every time. We hung out at a party in Cobble Hill for a while talking to their friends (one of whom insisted on interrupting me every time I spoke) and then headed to Gowanus Yacht Club. All in all, a very interesting, minorly naughty night.

Saturday Sam Haley and I met up with Joe and Alison for brunch. Burgers and junk, very tasty, terrible service, Bar Toto why must you torture us!?! At night, we met at Kyle's really nice apartment for to drink pims cups before heading to see Tasting Rachael Ray at the NYC Food Film Festival. Joe made great pims.

There was a pretty good turnout at the Water Taxi Beach. People laughed at my film which was nice. Then we went to Surf Bar in Williamsburg where I will never go again. The plantains were fucking disgusting, the service was terrible (we never got our calamari, but it somehow wound up on the bill twice and remained there even after we instructed the waitress that we never received the item), and sand in a restaurant isn't cute.
Here's an inspiration photo of the experience.

After that, we went to a roof party. After that we went to Gingers. After that we went to Great Lakes. After that I fell asleep in my bed with all my clothes and lights on and there I stayed until 4:00 pm today.

The most fun thing about last night was the couple-themed pics we took. It's hard to tell which ones are real couples and which ones are just friends couples. See if you can figure it out! First generic, then candid.

Tonight I reluctantly watch the VMAs at Adam and Zara's. Highlights included, Chris Brown, TI's leather hoodie, and Miss Teen South Carolina.

emotivag

2007-08-27T20:32:00.000-05:00

({|})

graphemes are my play thing!

Molecular Gastronomy + Dancing

2007-08-13T23:04:00.001-05:00

This weekend was a culinary tour de force, stretching from the down-home baseball fields of Red Hook to the avant-garde kitchen of Wylie Dufresne. Erin was in town which always means good things foodwise and funwise. I really don't even want to write about anything but the INSANE meal Erin, Gretchen and I enjoyed at WD-50. Gretchen's roommate Sam works in the cold appetizer station, so we were advised about what to order. First we got wacky cocktails. My first drink was some cantaloupe thing which was only ok. For my second cocktail, I ordered the most delicious fizzy refreshing gin drink that contained egg whites and bay leaves. It was astonishingly tasty.

For an amuse-bouche (the first of two), we got some kind of raw fish with tahini, seaweed chip and apricot marmalade. It was a tasty exiting way to start of the evening and really got my excited for the rest of the meal.

For appetizers, we got three things:
Corned duck, rye crisp, purple mustard, horseradish cream

Fried quail, banana tartar, nasturtium
Grilled octopus, avocado, juniper, lychee-campari

The corned duck was fucking fantastic. The quail was also really good and crispy on the outside but rare and juice on the inside. I wasn't wild for the octopus. The avocado was really dense and pasty and it kind of freaked me out honestly.

We then had our second amuse which was the single weirdest thing I've ever been served at a restaurant. It was some kind of Derridean pizza, where the pepperoni had been reduced to powdery balls and the crust was made out of some kind of black chip. I have no idea. Erin rightly pointed out that it tasted like the inside of a Combo. Pretty gross. Good in theory maybe, but just really really disgusting tasting.

For our main dishes we all shared the following:
Ocean trout, fava bean, forbidden rice, rootbeer-date, lovage

Pork belly, smoked yucca, romaine, papaya
Lamb loin, potato noodles, mustard crumbs, pretzel consomme

The lamb was definitely my favorite of the main dishes. Everything worked really well together and the lamb was cooked perfectly. The yucca with the pork belly was deliciously smokey and crispy. The trout was also really tender and juice and went nicely with the crispy forbidden rice (which has a long story behind it, the gist of which is that I'm a princess now).

Desserts were a little underwhelming and also too wacky for my tame palette. We had:
Fried butterscotch pudding, mango, taro, smoked macadamia
Coconut mousse, cashew, cucumber, coriander
Local strawberries, pandan, popcorn sorbet
Having just hosted the Sweet and Savory Picnic Potluck the week prior, I was all ready to try out some exotic combinations. But my excitement was quelled when I put the first bite of popcorn sorbet in my mouth. I just. I don't know. It was gross. The fried butterscotch pudding was amazing, but it was accompanied by taro which I don't think I ever want to taste again. The coconut mousse also had some really salty component with it that did not seem to mesh at all. Maybe I'm just unfamiliar with these flavors, but for the desserts it seemed like Wylie just put a bunch of really sweet and really salty things together and hoped people wouldn't notice that they tasted terrible. The strawberries were amazingly fresh though.

After we ate, we got to go to the kitchen briefly to say hi to Gretchen's roommate Sam and meet Wylie. It was so exciting!!! He was really nice and Sam was adorable!

I'd definitely go back to WD-50. It was just a really fun dining experience. 80% of it was super tasty and the other 20% was at least interesting.

We left the restaurant to go to Adrienne and Chapman's party in Hell's Kitchen.

The first of a bevy of parties these two are throwing the coming weeks, this was a celebration of the absence of the downstairs neighbor. We danced extra hard on the floor to celebrate.

The next day we ate this and some other junk. I can't think about food anymore.

Two Steps

2007-08-10T17:35:00.001-05:00

First we watch the robots play music.

Then we fall asleep with all our clothes on.

Sweet and Savory

2007-08-06T20:38:00.000-05:00

This weekend my friends gathered for the Sweet and Savory Picnic Potluck in Prospect Park. It was extremely hot outside, but that didn't stop anyone from having a super awesome time!

I was most excited to see what sweet and savory dish combos people came up with. This time I made sweet and savory hybrid dishes illegal just to ensure we didn't end up with 10 plates of sweet and sour chicken or 18 tubs of chocolate covered pretzels. I also didn't know if anyone would show up and I thought a sweet and savory hybrid dish might deter people because it would require more thought than two separate dishes. Anyway, here's what people brought (in order of arrival):

Me: Mini Croque Monsieurs (no beschamel) + Madeleines
Sam: Bagels + Coke
Haley: Golden Beet Salad (with goat cheese and sesame seeds and junk (kind of a cheat)) + Watermelon
Snugget and Vanessa: Rotisserie Chicken + Assorted Dunking Donuts Munchkins
Gretchen: Sausage Tortellini + Sees Milk Chocolate Molasses Chips
Emily: Chocolate Creme Pie (mishap with the savory dish - no points subtracted)
Trent: Hummus and Crackers + Hint 'O Mint Newman-Os
Brian: BBQ potato chips (also kind of a cheat)
John: Camel Lights + Red Stripe
Adrienne: Onion Tarts + Fruit Tarts

The winner is Adrienne.

Her dishes were the most expertly prepared (homemade pie crust!) and also was the only one with a clear theme. I was really impressed with everyone's effort.

There was tons of activity in the park Saturday. Lots of awesome animal themed kid birthday parties and a game of hipster dodge ball. I think a guy from Blonde Redhead was there, but maybe it was Vincent Gallo. Look at this awesome homemade dinosaur piñata and monkey tent!

Find the dismembered monkey!

Thanks for coming everyone!

Later that night Sam and I made sweet and savory faces to commemorate the picnic.

Sam did this which was funny, but too reminiscent of the DMC Swiss Cake Roll Incident of October 2006 for my taste.

Then we went to Ariel's going away party. I forgot what a fun bar Daddy's is! There was lots of playing with cameras and phones.

Have a great time in brad school, Rel!!

Then this happened.

2 DREAM MEN

2007-07-24T14:24:00.000-05:00

1 PLACE!!!!!! OMGSOHOTSOWETHANSONAWKLOVEITDOYALOVEITAAAAHHHHHH!!11

Middle West = Best

2007-07-18T10:25:00.000-05:00

This weekend I had an awesome adventure time in Chicago. My vaca happened to coincide with the most hectic close in Allure history, for which I gave myself a hefty pat on the back. After my 6:10 am flight was straight up canceled, I wandered LaGuardia hoping to fly standby sometime before my 1:00 pm automatically rebooked flight departed. LaGuardia is truly the most depressing airport in America with the least appealing food options ever. I ended up eating Auntie Anne's Cinnamon Sugar Pretzel Sticks at about 6:30 am out of sheer boredom. It was fucking disgusting. Even more disturbing though was the fact that Auntie Anne's had the hot dog pretzels ready to go at that hour. Piles upon piles of pretzel wrapped hot dogs were sitting in the warming case. Who is going to eat a fucking pretzel dog at 6 in the morning? I know most people are very very beastly, but that's pushing it.

I got on an 8:30 flight and was home by 11. Dad has a new tai chi regiment. His drawn instructions have been replaced with photographed choreography. I guess that means he's moving up?

Zoe and I had lunch with mom and saw her new office (nice digs). Then we went shopping and just hung out like sisters do y'know? We went to this vegan restaurant for Zoe's bday dinner. It was fun and everyone got along.
Cute girls!

Dad and I were the only ones drinking of course.

Then we showed our teeth.

Then Mom and Zoe did tons of drugs in the bathroom. Omg jk!!!

They did them at the table.

Friday I got a much needed pedicure and less needed manicure. They scraped off so much dry skin from my heels. It was fucking insane. My pedicure took twice as long as Zoe's for this reason. After my lady was done, she was like, 'Wanna look?' There was a mound of dead skin on the newspaper. Really disgusting. But now my feet are soft as can be!! Haley arrived that evening. We rushed home for cocktail hour for which Zoe prepared some delicious apps.

We also had prosecco and some vegan spreads and shit. It was yums. Mom got drunk!

Dad got a hairs cut!

Nice bald spot, Zoe!

After apps, Haley and I went to Sweets and Savories primarily to sample their duck fat frites. We also ordered a Kobe Beef burger to share which they split into two mini burgs (too cute!). I got mine with fois gras because I'm not a huge d-bag loser who is scared of eating livers.

Everyone should go to Sweets and Savories. They are super attentive, but not overly so. They also provide complementary lavender truffles at the end of the meal. They are struggling for business. Just go there now. Bring friends.

We went to The Hideout after dinner. The outdoor area smelled like nacho cheese, but whatever. Here's Haley sippin' and lookin'.

Then we met up with Jeremy who was wearing a really gay hat. We went to The Happy Village which was incredibly packed. Adrienne, Chapman, Daniel, Ben, Alison and Noah were also there. Fun time!

Alie wearing Jeremy's faghat.

Then we went to some other bars and met up with other people etc etc.

Saturday Zoe, Haley, and I went to the salon for more beauty things. After that we went to Arturo's for Mexican food. Haley ordered what she thought was a pork burrito, but ended up being a burrito full of just pork skin. It was the nastiest thing I've ever seen. It looked like overgrown larvae rolling in rice. Eew eew eew.

Then we went to Village.

We got to Pitchfork at around 4, in time to see Battles who used to have a really dope website, but apparently abandoned it for a soulless Myspace template. Regardless, we didn't watch Battles b/c we were too busy sneaking Haley into VIP and then gorging on free Chipotle, ice cream and beer. VIP was just great. Great great great. There were tons of benches, short(er) lines, and more attractive people. Overall, I thought the festival was alright. A lot of the bands were ill-suited to the venue. Professor Murder, Clipse, Girl Talk, and even Cat Power (barf) were all totally lost in the large setting. Really I just don't like concerts that much. It makes me feel icky when I see the crowd of people attracted by music I like. I don't like what it implies about me. I like the free stuff and having an excuse to sit outside and drink lots of beer. For that, Pitchfork was perfect. It was also such a treat to see my friends from Sound Opinions. Even Barry (who I haven't seen in years) was there!

Nice Robin.

The was the best thing that happened all weekend. Aw!!

Sunday (Zoe's 21st birthday!!!!!) saw more thrifting at a different Village.
.
Haley scored me some nice boots and a sweet denim sleeveless shirt. Thanks Girlmachine! After that was beachtyme, for which Jeremy met us. I learned that the sand at Lake Michigan is NOT naturally occurring. I was shocked. Here's Haley, boobs blazing, practicing for her upcoming stint at Abu Ghraib.

Too soon?

After the beach, Haley had to hop the El and go back east. Jeremy and I proceeded to the second day of the festival which was much the same as the first. I thought New Pornographers and Of Montreal did a nice job. Prince Paul was a fun surprise at De La Soul.
To summarize:
1. I don't like concerts.
2. I do like free things (especially if 'things' means 'ice cream and beer')
3. I do like music.
4. I do like sitting outside sometimes.
5. I don't like crowds of douche bags.
6. I do like Chicago a LOT.
7. As long as S/O keeps providing me with free VIP passes to this festival, I will keep attending.

My trip home went off pretty seamlessly, save for a few terrifying encounters with an impressively facial haired and body odored woman.

Glad to be back :) Missing the middle though :(

dreamy

2007-07-08T21:26:00.000-05:00

so last night i had tons of dreams where wacky stuff kept happening and when i woke up i was like, shit all that stuff!!!! but then i said, no no no chillllll it was dreams. but then i thought, ack! what if it wasn't dreams?!? so now i don't know about any of the stuff and i can't even remember what the stuff is.

dion mcgregor's 'the flight'

My Night: Success or Failure?

2007-07-04T10:26:00.000-05:00

Please weigh in.

I drank 4 margaritas at happy hour. I smoked 1 pack of Camel Lights. I drank wine. I ate pizza and hummus and lamb. I shoplifted from Marc Jacobs (a pair of fingerless gloves and a compact shaped like a shell). I fell asleep on the train (didn't miss my stop). I fell asleep with all my clothes on for 2 hours. I woke up and watched '10 Things I Hate About You.'

Now that I'm listing the actual events of the evening I'd say it pretty squarely falls in 'success' territory, but for some reason I feel that it was a complete disaster.

Two possible reasons for this:
1. When you start drinking at 4pm, you're destined to crash early and feel like you did nothing with your night.
2. Breaking the law always makes you feel bad.

Since #2 is a lie, I'll go with #1 as the reason for the emotional pall over last night.

In other news, I wish I was at the beach with fries and iced coffee and Lindsay and Erin like last weekend.

Things I Hate

2007-06-23T17:38:00.000-05:00

Unhelpful customer service representatives
People with obnoxiously loud laughs who don't try to reign it in
People who have terrible taste in things, but tell you that you have terrible taste in things
Most people who don't live in large-ish cities
People who think they're cooler than they are
People who are jerks
Some high percentage of straight males
Some high percentage of everyone who is not a straight male
Zits
Most sports fans ('most' excludes my brother and some other people)
People who talk about politics a lot (SORRY I JUST DON'T GIVE A FUCK!)
IBS (not the Cam'ron song)
Feeling guilty
Sweating
The song 'Baby I Love Your Way' -- especially the Big Mountain version

I'll probably feel guilty for writing this really negative post and write a 'Things I Love' one in the next few days.

Math and Movies

2007-06-19T15:23:00.000-05:00

Harry > Wills

Tasting Rachael Ray played at the First Annual Food Film Festival this weekend. It was fun to see it projected and hear strangers laugh at/with it.

The water taxi ride there was extremely short and overpriced ($4.50). We got on and I was like, 'Boat! Boat! Bo-oh we're there.' It was very pretty though.

I finally got to try a Motz burger, designed by the festival organizer George Motz. It was pretty good.

Gretchen loved her Motz Burger. And that girl knows burgers.

Later Sam and Zaq did some major damage to this car with their bodies and minds.

Proof

2007-06-18T16:50:00.000-05:00

Saturday night, after attending a bevy of bad parties, I got in a Continental Car Service Towncar to go home. I noticed the driver was eating a McDonald's Sundae with a straw. I said, 'Dude are you eating a ice cream with a straw?' To which he replied, 'Yeah they forgot to give me a spoon!' I said, 'Oh shit, I could totally hit up the drive thru right now. Let's go and I'll get you a spoon too!' He said, 'OKAY!' As I munched on fries and Dr. Pepper, I wondered, 'Could this terrible night end on a higher note? The wind is blowing through my hair, I'm in beautiful Brooklyn and I'm j-j-j-jaaaming on Delicious.'

Then I got home to find the entire My So-Called Life box set in my mail box.

God exists.

FUCK YES

2007-06-11T23:14:00.001-05:00

I SHOT THAT MOTHERFUCKING BERETTA LIKE WHOA AND ATE A SHITTON OF MILKDUDS.

Making Vacation

2007-06-10T22:48:00.000-05:00

This weekend in DC/MD I got to do a few fun things. For simplicity's sake, I'm going to make a list. On my weekend getaway, I...

1. Tried on SUPER high heels at Target.

2. Learned that there is such a thing as Lego FUN Snacks and over 20 different varieties of Pop Tarts~!!!!!!@!L#p21jioa

3. Got to eat Five Guys FINALLY (and at 11:30 am).

4. Saw this depressing swing set on sale for $151.19 at the most depressing K-Mart I've ever been to.

5. Saw Erin, the most funsexytyme person I know!!!

6. Saw a terrifying, scary thing that was also fun and funny!

ZOMGPOLTERGEIST!!!

The fun doesn't stop here though. Tomorrow I get to eat Milk Duds and maybe SHOOT A GUN!!!!!!

Stay tuned...

bday2k7 part 2 (abridged) and some other junk

2007-06-02T01:54:00.000-05:00

Last week on bday2k7, there was a Mexican fiesta and 3 kinds of cake. This week, bday2k7 continued as planned. The bar party at Bar went of hitchless: both without problems and without the intended screening of Hitch. Nada, the bartendress, was super accommodating and sweet. Almost everyone who was supposed to come showed up. It was extremely hot in Bar, but that just reminded people to have a funsexytime! I had such a funsexytime that I forgot to take pictures all night! Thanks everyone!

I also had my annual birthday meal at Mumbles with Lindsay and Maher. Mumbles is like the nicest restaurant in Des Moines. It's a sports bar and 'family style' restaurant. They give you a huge bread basket and there are weird expensive things on the menu that you'd never order. If you sign up for their mailing list (which I did about 4 years ago), you get a free entree with the purchase of an entree of equal or lesser value some time during the month of your birthday. The waitress was clearly new and didn't understand this policy (despite the fact that I handed her the email detailing the special deal), so she gave us the most expensive entree for free. IDIOTBITCH!!!

bday2k7 ended on the highest possible note with the simultaneous visits of Lucy Biederman and Juliette Claire Cohen. It was like a cosmic femmexplosion with a lil residual birthday hype on top. Lucy stayed with me because Sam's floor was full of clothes and change. We had the most fun time gossiping like little girls at a slumber party. Juliette stayed with someone she's better friends with than me. Which I am totally fine with. We had a big dinner at Hope and Anchor (my new favorite hangout (see bday2k7 part 1)). Here's Lucy looking at the menu looking back at her.

Later Sam and Juliette switched outerthings. Gooftroop!

Even later, Haley's bangs did a crazy flip!

Adam and Vanessa's Memorial Day BBQ was the cap on a great week and a half of birthday festivities. I made macaroons (people raved) and Gretchen made some awesome graham-y bars. Here she is multitasking with the bars and the card, not missing a beat in some dope knock-off Wayfarers:

It was extremely hot at the bbq, but the Pim's Cups were refreshing enough to take the edge off. Vanessa's home-ground burgers were fucking amazing and Adam's lemon bars were exactly perfectly tart and sweet. I can't wait for bbq v2.0 beta the next generation sequel.

I saw Animal Collective at South Street Seaport tonight. It was mega crowded, so I couldn't even find the people I was meant to meet there. Luckily, there was a wacky assortment of all different types of hipsters to look at and judge. The highlight was when someone spilled beer on a baby in a stroller. Also Sofia Coppola was there! She was with a bunch of girlfriends and seemed totally chill. She went to get the beer for all of them and didn't even try to get backstage. The music was good I guess. I'm excited for the new album? Whatever.

Dead Animal Sexy

2007-05-25T10:06:00.000-05:00

Was this, like, a 'thing' back then? It's terrifying and HOT!

bday2k7, part 1

2007-05-23T11:31:00.000-05:00

So I've come to the understanding that birthday luck skips a year. I only have two years of evidence to support my hypothesis, but that's good enough for me. Leave the science to my dad, right?! My 22nd birthday was a total coup. I had a pizza party in my huge vacant east village apartment. I made a 4 disk birthday mix that lasted the EXACT duration of the party. Afterwards we crashed a roof party that had bowls full of every kind of Little Debbie snack cake in existence. I also had my pick of two cute boys to go home with that night. It was great great great. 23 sucked ass. No one was in town. Peeps were having major drama I had to mediate. Anyway, per my logic, 24 was slated to be fantastic. So far, IT IS!

The festivities began with Erin's visit to NYC. This become a bi-monthly occurrence and I, for one, quite enjoy it. Please don't stop, Erin. Friday we went to Brooklyn Fish Camp and waited forever for a table. It was worth the wait I guess. I've tasted more delicious things before, but the waitstaff was really nice and the food was decent. Then we raced to Cattyshack to beat the cover -- which we achieved with 50% success (long story).

Saturday we brunched and movied. I wouldn't see Waitress if I were you. I mean, you can if you want. I just think you probably shouldn't. It won't improve your life in any immediate or profound way. Keri Russell is pretty cute. You will get sad through the whole thing when you see that director/actress who was killed by her plumber.

After the movie, we went to No. 1 Chinese for the first of 3 birthday celebrations. This was The Chain Birthday Dinner. As usual, all of The Chain wasn't able to attend b/c of some sad things and some happy things. I won't get into the sad things, but the happies was that Jamaal and Jess were in LA for some music video awards show for which Jamaal was a nominee! He didn't win, but he met some porn stars which is just as good. Congrats Jamaal!

Erin made us get another bottle of wine. BAD IDEA!!!!!1

After dinner, we went to MSG to see GEREVAIS!!!!! Honestly, I was really drunk and I don't much remember what he said. I do remember thinking it wasn't that funny. The real reason Gervais is funny is because of his fat, ugly face and crazy teeth and wonky facial expressions. As you can see from the image below, all of this was lost in the stand-up setting. Also we missed Bowie introducing him because the boys were wrong about there being an opener. THANKS GUYS!!1 Anyway, like Brooklyn Fish Camp and Waitress, I guess I'm glad I went, but, like, whatever.

Following Gervais was a trip to Ace Bar which is douchy and terrible, but it was ok because I was with my friends! Also they have Big Buck Hunter which is always fun -- especially when you're surrounded by yuppies whose faces you can imagine on the bucks right before you NAIL' EM WITH DA GUN.

Sunday Erin went home after a leisurely brunch. Then I took a long Sunday walk with Sam. For dinner we went to this totally awesome place in Red Hook that's straight out of the 90s. It's called Hope and Anchor.

It's like one of those 'fancy' diners with good wine and modified diner staples. For example, Sam and I shared a pork burger with apple chutney and a chicken sandwich with fig compote and blue cheese. YUM!

Coincidentally, my new boss at Allure and I share a birthday. Monday she bought me a piece of cake (chocolate layer), but then the freelancers bought us both a whole cake (chocolate with vanilla creme and cherries). So there was TONS of cake! Then I went to my birthday dinner at Alma and had even more cake (tres leches)! Anyway, it was really fun that everyone came out. Even Adam came all the way to Red Hook just to say he couldn't stay. We had to wait for a table on the roof so we played pool and made hats out of things to pass the time.

POOL!

HAT!

We finally sat down.

For my birthday present Daniel gave me a tongue kiss!!!

He also gave me a mix cd.
Look how dope my friends are! Totally tough!

After Sam dropped me off, Cody and I smoked a juicy joint, I listened to Willa Ford's 'I Wanna Be Bad' and then passed out while watching The Last Waltz which my brother sent to arrive on exactly my birthday. Basically, it was a perfect night. Thanks to everyone who came and to everyone who read this really boring, self-indulgent post. Stay tuned for a full report on the MEGA BLOW OUT portion of bday2k7, bday2k7 part 2!

OH! Also, Daniel LB sent me the best birthday mix ever. I don't want to insult other people who made me birthday mixes, but his is reeeeeeeaaallly good. Here are some people on it (feel free to weigh in and tell me I'm gay for liking them):

The National
Death Vessel
The Game
Monster Movie
3OH!3
Lil Weavah

T.I. Then And Now

2007-05-16T20:44:00.000-05:00

THEN:

NOW:

WWWW.JUSTSALAD.COM

2007-05-15T21:18:00.000-05:00

I'm about to take a bite. Hang on. Damn, that's a salad.

TRUE LOVE

2007-05-14T23:39:00.000-05:00

Here's What Happened Tonight

2007-05-09T22:23:00.000-05:00

HOPPED THE

AFTER WORK.
GOT OFF AT CARROLL TO MEET

AND HIS

THEN I CHANGED MY

CUZ MY

HURT.
THEN WE TOOK A LITTLE

THEN

CALLED.
THEN WE

AROUND FOR A WHILE TIL WE GOT MAD HUNGRY.
THEN WE WENT TO A

BUT IT WAS TOO LONG OF A WAIT.
SO WE WENT TO ALMA WHICH HAS THE

THEN WE GOT A

OF

THEN WE ATE SOME

THEN WE DROVE

NOW I GO ON THE

END

Der Frühlingsangang

2007-04-29T22:15:00.000-05:00

Nice weather kind of changes everything. Not in any profound way, but it just makes things seem ok for a minute -- literally 1 minute. But even after that minute passes, it's still better because you can go for walks whenever you want. I love taking long walks! It's so relaxing and you can see so many people and also get exercise. It's been baby dog heaven in Park Slope the past two weekends. Lots of lovers too, languidly lounging in the Park. Like this:

This weekend Erin was in town. We took a leisurely jaunt to Red Hook to go to Alma. Unfortunately the roof was being used for some private party so we had to sit inside. It wasn't such a big deal because Alma has huge windows and the food tastes as good wherever you eat it. I had the Pollo Asada Torta which is served on the best bread ever -- perfectly crispy outside and soft inside. After brunch we walked back to the park and milled around. It was just great!

For dinner we went to Moto. If you haven't been to Moto you should go go go go go go right now. It's like a sepia-toned Prohibition era speakeasy that serves the most delicious old-timey amazing dishes like date cake and whole artichokes. So good.

It was Jamaal's birthday on Wednesday. We went to Bond St. Here are some visual highlights.
How much fun AAAHH?!!?!!!11

Matt's in a bad mood.

Birthday Cutie!

The end of the weekend, as usual: uploadin' pixx / watching tv.

Free Associate About It

2007-04-26T08:39:00.000-05:00

Chip Set What?!

Chipwich What?!

Witchcraft What?1

Kraftwerk What?!

Works Progress Administration What!?!?

Stupid Idiom

2007-04-18T11:14:00.000-05:00

Hey guess what's a stupid idiom: as per usual. You can just say 'as usual.' 'As per usual' is totally gay and people only say it because they think it makes them sound smarter. It doesn't.

Something that's not faggy is Empire Roller Rink.

Let's Download About This

2007-04-10T22:24:00.000-05:00

I know I've written about this before, but old people and computers are hilarious. Their unawareness of technology is best displayed in their ineptitude to use appropriate terminology in everyday life. People our age use computer lingo with such ease that we often don't even realize we're doing it. I say 'omg' all the time in conversations even though it doesn't save that much verbal energy. It's just part of the vernacular for lots of people who grew up contemporaneously with computers. The other day Sam's boss said, 'Oh Sam, I'm really sorry we didn't get to download about your first week here.' I can kind of see the logic here. According to my widget, downloading is defined as 'copying data from one computer system to another or to a disk.' Sam's boss wanted to take the data in his head system about his first week of work and put it into her head system. I like that she thinks of computers as so prevalent in our culture that the terminology can now apply to humans and machines alike. 'All right guys, I'm gonna log out of this party. L8r!' 'Oh man, I just feel like my life is dithering. I need a new job.' She's kind of right though. We're going to be cyborgs pretty soon. Which is neat.

Public Ridicule, Sunday Drive, Pesach Treats, Best Movie(s) Ever

2007-04-07T09:36:00.000-05:00

Last week I participated in Tube Time as part of the New York Underground Film Festival. 15 competitors submitted their most obscure, outrageous YouTube links. They were screened head-to-head and the audience decided which one was better. The winner advanced and so on until there was one player left standing. This was my first time competing so I didn't know what I was in for. I'm sad to say I was literally the first person eliminated. People boo-ed my first clip before it even started playing (presumably because they'd seen it already). It was pretty shameful. I had some good clips in my bag, but to be honest, some other peoples' were much funnier than even my best clip. Next year I'll be prepared. My friend Jaime got to the semifinals with this gem.

I also went on a Sunday Drive upstate with Matt. We went to New Paltz which is the weirdest hippy town ever. We went to a coffee shop with one other patron and a guitar-playing fat girl who I believe was actually an employee. There was a lot of leftist propaganda around and it reeked of patchouli. I got a soy chai just for the joke of it. Weirdly, their fruit was outrageously expensive. $1 for a banana!! Fuck those hippies man.

Matt's parents have a house up there in Minnewasaka or something. It's really cute and antebellum. The ceilings are low because people used to be shorter before the Civil War. Here's their awesome stove/fireplace.

Happy Passover!! I made macaroons on Monday. It was my first time doing so and they got RAVES! I used this recipe. I'd recommend making them. It's super easy and then you have delicious 'roons.

Lastly I'd just like to implore everyone to stop whatever they're doing right now and GO SEE GRINDHOUSE.

It's fucking amazingreatotallyowzawesome. Here are some things it has:

Kurt Russell
Rosario Dawson (HOTTTTT)
Grrrrrl power
Zombies
Cool cars
Cool car chases
Awesome special FX
Fake trailers for movies with names like Don't and Machete
Machine gun prostheses
And much much more!

I really can't say enough about how much I liked this movie (which is actually two movies for the price of one!). It made me want to kick and chase and kill and hit. FUCK I FEEL GOOD.

Two Mini Breaks and FAME

2007-03-25T19:55:00.000-05:00

A lot of things have happened recently. Chiefly I went on a couple of vacations and became a ceWEBrity.

I. CHICAGO

I thought it'd be a good idea to cram in the vacations before I start my new job since my vacation allotment is less than generous. So first stop on the Pre-Job Vacation Extravaganza was Chicago. I love going home because my parents are the abso best. Also my sis Zoe was home and she's always good for a laugh and some shopping. My dad started taking tai chi because he's getting old and that's what people do when they get old. He does it at least once a day and even wears special shoes for it. Too cute!! The positions have fun names like single whip and ward off left.

I didn't do much at home. I went shopping with Zoe a lot, hung out with mom and dad, and watched tons of tv.

Nice nails, Zo!

We went out for a family dinner at legendary Indian restaurant Tiffin. It was excellent and the service was impeccable.
Cute!!!

A while ago Zoe and Dad found themselves home alone for a week or so. The rest of the fam wondered how they were getting along, just the two of them in the apartment. An idea for a sitcom was born. It would be a Perfect Strangers style set-up with the tagline, 'She's vegan. He's 70!'

I also saw my friend Robin. We ate Korean BBQ. I love how many little things they bring you with your dish.

Home was nice and relaxing. I had a terrible time flying out because of a thunderstorm. I don't want to recount it. It's just your normal frustrating air travel saga and it'll make me mad to think about it. I did see Lisa Ling in the airport in the same situation as thousands of other stranded passengers. I wanted to take a picture and submit it to the "Stars Just Like Us!" feature in US Weekly.

II. CEWEBRITY STATUS

Some angels (named Brian and John) helped make me a total ceWEBrity this weekend. They submitted my Tasting Rachael Ray video to Gawker. In the subsequent 7 hours it got picked up by several food blogs, Best Week Ever, Fleshbot and some other random blogs. My website visits went from 6 on Thursday to 10,385 on Friday. My bandwidth is like almost gone. I'm such a giddy girl! Also the guy who made Hamburger America George Motz is curating a Food Film Festival this summer in NYC and asked me to be part of it. I've seen Hamburger America tons of times -- in part because of Sundance Channel's commitment to biweekly screenings, but also because I love burgers and it's a fun little film. The point to Item II is that I am really famous and you should probably defer to me.

III. GREENBELT, MD - CHAINCATION

News of my cewebrity status came moments before my departure for the long awaited CHAINCATION 2007. It was a great way to start a vacation that has been in the works for about 5 weeks. Gretchen, Matt, Zaq and I loaded up Zoe's 1992 Toyota and headed in a southerly direction. We were bound for Greenbelt, Maryland -- home of ERIN K. YOKEL. There were mixes galore on the car ride down. Mine included several songs with the word 'chain' in the title. The theme of the Chaincation was, of course, chains. We went to California Pizza Kitchen, Chevy's, Target, Nordstrom, Forever 21, Express, The Apple Store, Banana Republic and others. We ate a lot of tasty but bad-for-you food like chicken fingers and quesadillas. Here are some other highlights in list form with accompanying pictures.

A. Tour of the Discovery Channel Building Lobby

B. Drive-thru Liquor Store

C. Hot Tubbing (featuring Matt Burnett in a Speedo -- the water was NOT the hottest thing in that tub MEEEOW!)

D. Dippin' Dots Stand at the Mall

I daresay ice cream can be MUCH more fun that Dippin' Dots.

E. Awesome Candy Packaging at Target

Doesn't it look like the goofy-faced monsters are hemorrhaging candy? From their mouths?! I liked to imagine the accompanying sound effect to this packaging as a kiddie puke noise.

F. Farmers Market With Wacky Mushrooms

G. Eggs ASAP

Even though only 1/2 of The Chain was able to attend, I had a great time. It made me so stoked to plan the next Chaincation, hopefully with a 100% attendance rate. Thanks Erin, Kathy and Uri for being such great hosts.

Flossy Floss-Ay

2007-03-15T09:30:00.000-05:00

It's official. I'm a Fergie fan. Sure she made the Black Eyes Peas terrible and caused their eventual demise. She's forgiven because her pop stuff is on par with the best BEP jam (coincidentally titled 'Joints and Jam'). Her songs keep getting better. 'Fergalicious' was my #1 jam for a few months. Now 'Glamorous' is getting some major play on miPod. There's clapping (used to much better effect than the clapping in the new Avril song (which blows)) and Ludacris (ma coeur). She's just a 45-year-old babe that strongly resembles a transvestite, likes to spell things out (sometimes incorrectly) and have fun! Also her high jinks are the best in the biz. Peeing onstage?! Being too drunk to remember lyrics?! Not since Jim Morrison have onstage antics been so entertainingly ridiculous. You go girl!

Yes Please!

2007-03-12T22:37:00.000-05:00

You [Conde] Nasty Twin / I Ain't Care

2007-03-11T22:36:00.000-05:00

It's true. Big Pun (RIP) said it in 1998 and now, nine years later, the prophesy of these lyrics is finally revealed. I am the new Assistant Photo Editor at Allure Magazine. Big Pun's pet name for me is Twin because I'm a Gemini. That's how I knew the song was about me. The 'nasty' part has been shrouded in mystery for nigh on a decade until this past Friday when the HR woman called me and was like, "You a Conde Nasty, Naomi! Congratulations! Now, what is your social security number?" And I was all, "I ain't care. It's ***-**-****." Anyway, I'm excited. The Conde Nast building is one of the first Green buildings in New York or the world or something. So that's cool. Also the cafeteria is all famous and junk. I'll probably see Meryl Streep and Anne Hathaway, like, all the time. I will miss some things about PMc. My boss Anita is pretty wonderful and I will miss going to Balducci's with her every day. I will not miss working in a basement, being sexually harassed on a daily basis and interacting with douchey photographers. In summation, The Sarah Silverman Program: not as funny as it should be. Thoughts?

C'est Comme Ca Que Je Roule Quoi

2007-03-01T09:28:00.000-05:00

I've been to Paris a few times and never considered it anything special. Sure it's beautiful, but only in the way that all of Europe is beautiful because it's mad old but still modern and that dichotomy is kind of interesting or whatever. This trip, I absolutely fell in love with Paris. I'm going to do some unpacking to figure out why. Join me!

Laila and I set off from JFK late Friday night. I insisted we fly KLM because I'd heard it was very luxurious. It was. There was a lot of leg room, a very extensive selection of movies and TV shows to watch, and the free alcohol, of course. Also they love birds and bird videos which was neat.

We arrived in Paris after missing our connection in Amsterdam.
Jo met us there from Dublin which was a fun surprise. Here's Daniel moments after we arrived.

He's there on a Fulbright studying Oulipo, this literary group based in Paris. It sounds really boring, but some of it is really boring. JK it's cool. Like look at this exercise from a New Year's pamphlet Georges Perec sent to his friends in 1979:

MILES DAVIS
quelle différence y a-t-il entre la moutarde AMORA et la moutarde
MAILLE?
aucune, sinon que le couvercle de l'une se décapsule alors que celui
de l'autre se dévisse.
(what's the difference between amora mustard and maille mustard?
only that the lid of one uncorks [roughly] while the other unscrews.
...MAILLE SE DEVISSE)

JOHN COLTRANE
je connais un homme qui erre, sans trêve, sans répit. il est toujours
habillé d'une vieille redingote et porte un faux col jadis blanc, que
les années ont jauni.
(i know a guy who wanders constantly. he's always wearing an old
frock and a detachable collar that used to be white but that the
years have yellowed.
...JAUNE COL TRAINE)

Clever, right?

One of the first things Daniel mentioned about Paris was that about 50% of the signage in the city is in Comic Sans typeface. I found this baffling and charming. What a funny sense of humor and design to put so many signs in the ugliest font ever!! One point for Paris (though I think this point is nullified because every time I saw a sign in Comic Sans I died a little bit inside).

Basically, our trip was an exercise in wanderlust and eating. Every day we set out walking in some direction. We'd walk until we wanted to eat (I say 'wanted to eat' rather than 'got hungry' because our eating had little to do with our collective hunger level). Then we'd eat. Then we'd walk more. It was extremely leisurely and enjoyable.

I. FOOD

Laila ate about 1000 huge meringues. They were gooey inside and oh so sweet.

I always forget that my favorite thing to eat in Europe is ham sandwiches. They're delicious. Baguettes with butter and ham. So simple. So tasty. I had one pretty much every day. The ham in Spain is better, but the Parisian baguette and butter are not to be beat. One point.

Laila insisted we eat a prix fix (or a forumle) one day. We wound up at the most insane restaurant ever that did NOT respect standard portion size. This three course meal consisted of a HUGE salad (with corn (de rigueur for Parisian salads apparently), whole radishes, tons of tomato, and beets), half a chicken with fries, and THREE DIFFERENT FLAVORS OF CREME BRULÉE in standard sized ramekins. It was out of control. I felt so ill afterwards. I couldn't even finish the creme brulées.

Here's Laila, defeated after the intense mealsperience.

A dog was in the restaurant too. Cute!

Daniel ate a lot of tartines au beurre.

Definitely the most amazing thing we ate was macaroons from Ladurée. These cakey cookies came in tons of exotic flavors, including fleur d'orange, cassis and rose. The taste actually deepened and changed as you consumed them. It was remarkable.

II. WANDERLUST

We walked by an ice skating rink on of the first days we were there. The kids were using these ingenious things to make sure they didn't fall over. I was really impressed that the French thought of this. It's so smart!

Daniel works at the Bibliothèque Nationale de France (BnF). This bridge exits right into the main plaza of the BnF. Curvysexycool bridge, eh?

The BnF is amazing! It's kind of like the Getty Center in L.A. without the weird, holistic, New Age-y undertones. The space is a big boardwalk with four buildings at the corners. The buildings are meant to look like open books, an effect that is kind of lost when you're actually standing in the plaza, but apparently stunning when viewed from a helicopter. In the middle of the plaza, there is a large courtyard that looks like something out of Jurassic Park.

It's a line enthusiasts wet dream. Check this linearity!

There were also these neat shrub containers.

I was really impressed with the BnF. I expected the National Library to be some boring neoclassical bullshit, but I was surprised and pleased with what I saw. One more point for Paris.

We also visited some cemeteries on what was dubbed "Death Day."

We saw famous peoples' graves, including Ionseco, Chopin and Sartre. Daniel was understandably appalled that Perec wasn't listed on the Père Lachaise map of notable people. Normally I wouldn't have been particularly impressed with the cemeteries, but on the way home from JFK we drove by a cemetery in Queens that was the most depressing piece of shit ever, so I'm retroactively giving Paris a point for pretty cemeteries.

We also saw some people making out for about a year. They got mad at us for taking pics, but they secretly loved it. I guess PDA is the cool thing in Paris.

Here's a statue of Voltaire the looks just like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons.

Heyyo! 10 points for this:

Laila found the French translation of the American novelisation of the film Face Off. It was an amazing find which she lovingly gave to Daniel.

Later this happened . . . VOLTE FACE F'REAL!

Lastly, TIN TIN TINS!!

I've lost track of the points, but I'm sure they total the numerical equivalent of a return trip to Paris. I couldn't have asked for a better host. Here's Daniel's number in case you want to go to Paris and have a great time too: 88 83 07 96 10. The numbers are anagrammed, so you'll have to unscramble them. HAHAHA GOOD LUCK THERE ARE 3,628,800 POSSIBLE COMBINATIONS!!!11

ffffffzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2007-02-16T03:39:00.000-05:00

hey guess what's more annoying than taking the train home to park slope
from the upper west side at 3am while wasted? taking the train home to
park slope from the upper west side at 3am while wasted and riding next
to a tourette's ridden co-passenger. sorry if your brother has tourette's or whatever, but FUCK. also why is it so cold outside? i'm still shivering at i've been home for like twenty minutes.

Valentine's Day Waffle Party

2007-02-14T19:40:00.000-05:00

A Day Late And An MP3 Short

2007-02-12T13:06:00.000-05:00

I don't know why, but I always hesitate to listen to new bands my friend rave about.* I trust their opinions about most things, so why wouldn't I give a hear to new music they're ravin' on? Even when I finally end up listening, it's usually by accident (e.g. hearing it on the radio or at a party) or out of boredom. I almost always end up liking whatever it is because my friends have good taste. It's just so embarrassing when I'm listening to THE MOST AWESOME BAND FROM 6 MONTHS AGO. I tell all my friends, 'Oh man this band is so dope!' And they're like, 'Yeah I knew that 6 months ago when I told you to listen them.' Then I have to

because I'm so red in the face about it.

Anyway, here's a list of musics I was late to get into, but am now glad I did:

Animal Collective
Hot Hot Heat
Regina Spektor
The New Pornographers
Xiu Xiu (I'm only 50% glad I finally listened to this)
Harlem Shakes
Lupe Fiasco
The Walkmen
Freakwater

Here are bands/artists I am still thinking about jamming on and might get to in a few months:
Beirut
new Of Montreal albums
PJ Harvey (probably not though)

If you want to make sure I listen to something you love RIGHT AWAY, please send me the tracks or make me a cd. It's much more likely that I'll listen if you make it easy for me. I know you have a vested interest in expanding my cultural horizons (as I have in expanding yours), so help me out a little, ok?

*This also happens with tv programs, but it's much harder to catch up with television. I really wish I had jumped on the Heroes wagon when it first started rolling. Now, unless I want to subscribe to Netflix (which I don't) or buy a million episodes on iTunes (no thanks!), I'm without recourse. People told me of the glory of Degrassi years ago, but I was reticent. Same with Buffy. Luckily, due to the cult following surrounding these shows and the proliferation of reruns, I was able to get back on track.

Five Days In Three Parts

2007-02-07T16:20:00.000-05:00

I. Saturday

A. I took a magical trip to Staten Island on Saturday. It is unbelievably close to my house-- maybe 20 minutes tops from my block to the end of the Verrazano. It is a really interesting place. The neighborhoods change rapidly so it keeps you interested. Overall it reminded me of the Midwest (definitely Iowa, maybe Michigan, Ohio or Minnesota, not Indiana). The main imperative of the trip was to thrift shop and that we did. We went to a bunch of places including Everything Goes. It's owned by some weirdo commune freaks which we found out only after being creepily followed around the entire time. They also had a 'costume' section which was basically what anyone of our persuasion (i.e. frequent thrifters, 20somethings, from big cities, etc) would consider to be totally standard vintage fair. It was funny that they put it in its own 'wacky!' section located in the basement. Here's another place we went:

Seriously, it looks like I got that off an ironic signage photoblog, but it's totally legit. Funny, right? I scored a killer golf-themed ice bucket there. They also had a decent record selection, including a sealed copy of Rick Springfield's Success Hasn't Spoiled Me Yet.

Here's Lindsay perusing their collection:

The Island is rumored to have good Sri Lankan cuisine, but we couldn't find the restaurant we planned to patronize, so we settled for a totally empty Indian restaurant in a strip mall instead. It was pretty good and the lunch special was very reasonable. With Haley's help, I finished all my tandoori chicken.

Here's a pretty thing I saw:

In all, I'd definitely recommend going to SI for thriftin' or just plain hangin'.

B. Later that night we finally did THE GREAT CHAIN SECRET SANTA GIFT EXCHANGE. This has been many months in the making. We didn't have everyone in attendance, but 3/4 was our quorum, so we proceeded. People did a great job! Here's Matt, excited and red-eyed after Jess revealed that she will buy him new sheets when he gets his new bed:

I have to say that Erin's gift to me was the best of all. She got me a Cuisinart Heart-Shaped Waffle Iron Thanks Erin!! Matt got Erin some Rachael Ray literature.

We ate at Number 1 Chinese, which is like The Max or The Peach Pit for The Chain. Matt loooooves the chips they serve. They give you tons with an awesome dipping sauce!

Zack made a cool chopstick riffle.

Paul likes to suck the flavor out of the chopsticks. See?

For some reason the whole weekend was full of Jenga. I didn't play, but it was all around me all the time.

II. Eye Donors

Has anyone seen the subway advertisements for The Eye Bank of New York? They feature Jerry Orbach, who apparently gave his eyes away when he died. I wouldn't say these ads are successful necessarily, though they do make me think about the fact that two people are walking around with one of Jerry Orbach's eyes. They also makes me picture Jerry Orbach lying in the grave without eyes. They also make me think about Jerry Orbach's 'viewing.' I don't know if he had one, but if he did, did they give him fake eyes? It'd be pretty nasty if they didn't. Also were the eye recipients present? Matt thought it'd be dope if the recipients were ungauzed at the viewing, so the first thing they saw with one of Jerry Orbach's eyes was Jerry Orbach's dead body/face with exposed ocular cavities. Lastly, the ads make me wonder if eyes live forever. Can those who inherit eyes also donate?

III. Pipe Burst

I tried to fix my heater last night. I called the plumber who told me to turn the valve all the way to the left until I couldn't turn it anymore. I said, 'But water comes out when I do that.' He said, "Keep turning it. It'll stop.' I did. Apparently I turned the wrong thing and the entire valve came off and water went everywhere. For 45 minutes. It looked like this, but horizontal and narrower.

I flipped out. I was crying and hyperventilating. Thank god Cody was home. He has been in so many emergency situations (including, but not limited to: a hotel fire, a whirlpool overflow, and a car-through-wall-at-the-fudge-factory) that this didn't even phase him. Luckily because of the extreme slant in my apartment (a feature I had always considered the apartment's greatest shortcoming), almost none of my stuff was damaged. Morris the landlord came over and helped us out. He was extremely nice, despite some annoyance that he was 'about to sit down to watch American Idol.' I think being a girl worked in my favor because Morris is somewhat sexist. It was easy for him to chalk this incident up to girls being stupider than boys, a fact which he relayed to our lesbian neighbors saying, 'Never send a woman to do a man's job.' Hmmm.

Society of the Spectacularly Idiotic

2007-02-05T14:20:00.000-05:00

If Guy Debord was alive today, he would have had a field day with Terence Koh and Jeffrey Deitch's latest masturbatory concoction (pun intended).

(photo credit- Stephanie Halmos/Patrick McMullan)

This performance piece was done in conjunction with Koh's exhibition at Deitch's other gallery, two doors down from this space. During the dinner, these genital-baring, bucket-helmet-wearing boys constructed a wooden bridge with a white box at the top.

(photo credit- Stephanie Halmos/Patrick McMullan)

I don't have all the details of the performance, but as the dénouement of this little display was a group urination session. They all pissed into their bucket helmets.

Now, this is an interesting corollary to my post on the New York Magazine Dash Snow article in which I probed, 'What do cum-and-glitter-embellished skulls have to do with the common man?' Alas, I was without answer. With this performance, I am left dumbfounded once again, but able to make some interesting historical connections.

At least the Situationists, though similarly misogynist, based their social detournment on some kind of political foundation. This is such a fantastically poignant illustration of people simply appearing to interact. The viewers are actually watching people construct the images that then literally obstruct the possibility for genuine human interaction that might transpire at a dinner party. Here's a quotation from Chapter 1 of Society of the Spectacle:

The spectacle presents itself simultaneously as all of society, as part of society, and as instrument of unification. As a part of society it is specifically the sector which concentrates all gazing and all consciousness. Due to the very fact that this sector is separate, it is the common ground of the deceived gaze and of false consciousness, and the unification it achieves is nothing but an official language of generalized separation.

This is exactly what's happening here. False consciousness? YUP! I bet they all think they're really thinking and smart and aware and shit. Deceived gaze? YUP! They're staring at assy nothing! It doesn't even have aesthetic value! It's just some 2x4s and cardboard! I would love to see some literature trying to justify or explain this abomination, though that assumes that Terence Koh is actually literate, which I highly doubt.

(photo credit- Stephanie Halmos/Patrick McMullan)

In summation, I reiterate my plea for help finding and castrating Dash Snow. I add Terence Koh to the list. Their names even rhyme. That must mean something.

Night(s) of 1000 Strangers

2007-01-30T09:57:00.000-05:00

This weekend was mostly spent hanging out with strangers, but also there were some people I knew around too. On Friday I went to see Smoking Aces which was strange. It's about a Vegas showman (Jeremy Piven) with mob ties and 9 hitmen all trying to kill him. I thought it'd be a more violent, but equally fast-paced and high jinks-laden Oceans 11. It was fast-paced, but extremely stupidly violent (not smartly violent like Pan's Laboratory). With so many wacky hitmen, I thought I'd want to root for one, but they were all so lame and clearly destined for failure I really couldn't get behind any of them. Also the 'twist' (if you can call it that) was so obvious, I got it within the first 5 minutes of the movie. It was understandably very boring just waiting for the characters to figure it out. Anyway, just in case you were considering seeing that (which, even ignoring my review, I highly doubt), please don't. It's not a good movie.

Later that night I met up with Sam and his mom, Pat who was visiting from Chicago. We had a really nice dinner at Blue Ribbon Bakery. Sam said our waiter looked like ramen noodles. I said, 'That's the sexiest side dish I've ever seen!' I didn't say that.

After we said goodbye to Pat, we went to Big Bar where we wrote a really great rap about a thug who has a hard day clockin' peeps and selling rocks and just wants to SNUGGLE DOWN, but his ho is all up on his dick. It's called Snuggle Down. Later, about 15 people entered the nearly empty (and small) bar. One girl sat down at our booth and drunkenly kept telling us that she knew us. At first it was annoying, but then she revealed the touching history of her entourage. They all met at Laguardia Airport this Christmas. They were trying to get to Colorado, but were stranded because of the blizzard in Denver. So this girl just rallied everyone, they rented cars and drove cross-country. Total strangers! And now they hang out all the time in NY! The best thing about the group was its multi-generational flava. The girl's 75-year-old Czech architect dad was there, along with a 40-year-old writer for South Park, a 20-year-old Tisch Film kid, a 29-year-old Kindergarten teacher and a HOT 18-year-old biomedical engineer major at Columbia. It was really heart-warming and they were all super awesome.

Saturday I went to MOMA for this feminist video program in celebration of the 30th anniversary of the Video Data Bank. I saw Joan Jonas' Vertical Roll of which I had only seen parts. You can watch it really small on the VDB website. Highly recommended. They also screened Dara Birnbaum's Technology/Transformation: Wonder Woman which is one of my fave vid art things of all time.

After MOMA, I went farther uptown to a birthday party with tons of cake and tons of strangers. The cake was delicious and the strangers totally unobtrusive. Fun time! Thanks Noah and Leah!

Sunday was pretty uneventful, save for the awesome brownie sundae Haley and I devoured at The Chocolate Room.

Apparently the strangers theme has followed me into the work week with this morning's return of THE MOST FARCICALLY OUTFITTED HOMELESS MAN EVER. This man haunts me. For an entire week I saw him twice a day on the A/C or F train. He vanished for about 1.5 months and returned this morning to my Manhattan-bound A train. Has anyone else seen him? He wears shoes made of paper, shorts ripped in a jagged 'pirate style,' no shirt, has huge hair and visible dirt on his large stomach. He managed to procure really nice black-rimmed glasses somehow, which supports my hypothesis that he is actually a performance artist of some kind. Also he never smells bad ever, despite all visual evidence to the contrary. He also has the voice of a frog-human hybird. Maybe he's made of a machine! A dirty frog machine with a faulty voice chip. Who knows?!

Some Things That Are Annoying

2007-01-26T16:01:00.000-05:00

1. Watching old/stupid people use computers. This is SO ANNOYING. They're like, "See? It keeps doing that!" No, you assy monkey. You're making that happen by not knowing how to work a computer. It's just a machine! You can control it! Know the power structure, goddamn it. Until robots completely take over the world (circa 2040), we are in control.

2. Getting stuck behind slow people on subway stairs. I know this is a common complaint and it's not really that big a deal. Usually I hate those people who are rushing around. It's like, CHILL DUDE. But lately I have been in a legitimate hurry and found myself stuck behind moms and babies and shit. Super annoying.

3. Poor circulation. I have the worst circulation of anyone I know. It doesn't matter how many pairs of socks I wear. My feet are always numb and frozen. And it's not just like, "Oh my feet are cold that's weird." It hurts a LOT. It feels like there are pins going in them and I can't really move them at all. It's so annoying. I wouldn't mind the cold weather nearly as much if I wasn't afflicted with terrible circulation.

4. Post-nasal drip. I have this almost 100% of the time. Mostly it's no big deal, but sometimes it gets so mad gloppy and thick back there in the back of my throat. It's pretty gross and annoying cause it impairs my swallowing and eating. People keep telling me to get a Netti Pot, but I cannot bring myself to purchase something called a Netti Pot. WTF kind of name is that? I don't know its origin and I don't care. It's one of the most unpleasant sounding phrases of all time. If I get one I'll have to think of a rad name for it. Suggestions welcome.

5. Different volume levels on my itunes/pod. I'm sure there's a way to fix this, but I'm too lazy to investigate. I just hate when I'm jamming on a moderately volumed song and then the next track comes on and BAM!!!1@@! I'm poppin' and bustin' to get the phones off before I blow my earhole out. Ah. Noying.

To counter this list, here are some things that aren't annoying:

1. Beer
2. Amy's Organic Three Cheese Pizza with Cornmeal Crust
3. Eating #2 while drinking #1
4. MY FRIENDS!!!111
5. Sleeping

It's this one thing that's got me trippin'...

2007-01-24T17:21:00.003-05:00

Google Image changed their interface slightly! Now when you roll over an image, it turns blue. Funky, huh? Here's what it looks like (my cursor was over that cute little cutie):

(click to enlarge)

District of Funlumbia

2007-01-21T23:18:00.000-05:00

I went to DC this weekend to visit Erin. Sam was going to visit his sister Lucy so we rode Greyhound together. The trip got underway at Port Authority where they were BLASTING classical music on the PA system. It didn't do much to distract from the fact that Port Authority is the most disgusting, depressing place in all of New York, maybe the entire world. After commenting on my weight and letting out a booming cackle, the driver checking out tickets let us board the bus. While on board, a few things happened.

1. Sam and I decided we should start a band called White Rose and then star in a reality tv show (presumably on vh1) in which we have to live with Prussian Blue in a mansion in LA.
2. We realized/reconfirmed that LCD Soundsystem and The Zombies are the GOOOOOODS.
3. We drew drawings!!! First portraits of each other, then tableaux from adventures we've had together (aaawwwwPUKE)

(click to enlarge)
4. We ate sandwiches.

5. I mistakenly read the title of another passenger's magazine. It was Prevention and I saw

We finally arrived in DC and saw the Illinois flag, so we really felt at home.

I got to Erin's house and we chilled a bit. She bought special provisions for my visit. We snacked on cheese and crackers, champagne+pineapple juice and mini cupcakes.

Then we went out to a romantic dinner. Here's Erin doing a robotic dance (different from THE Robot) so excited for the din.

On the way to the restaurant, I remembered what I like most about DC: The Metro. The stations are so haunting and cinematic. The lights at the edge of the platform flash to let you know to stand back because the train is coming. The trains themselves are clean and always on time. There was some funky mold here, so I guess they're not 100% perfect, but isn't it the flaws that makes things interesting or whatever?

Dinner was awesome. I ate about a few pounds of beef and Erin had a whole plate of fried things. We also shared crispy crab things and she got a very green cocktail.

After dinner, we went to this bar called the Front Page. After seeing the best thing in DC, I was upset to be confronted with the worst: the surplus of square white folk. These people went APE SHIT for O.A.R. and Stroke 9. Like, is it 1997??!!? Also the DJ played a medley from Grease. That is just totally inappropriate. I fucking hate Grease, but even if I didn't, I would not want to hear it at a bar. WRONG VENUE.

(singing 'Since U Been Gone')

(singing 'Livin' On A Prayer')

The next day we ate the most succulent mini burgers ever. They were served on brioche! Since it was freezing and windy, we decided to see Stomp The Yard.

It's the #1 movie in the country and not for nothing. It's so dope! The dancing is fucking amazing and the story/writing is actually not that bad. I wish Chris Brown hadn't been [SPOILER!!!] killed in the first 5 minutes, but there were some nice flashbacks of him lecturing his older brother (played by Columbus Short).

In the bathroom of the theater, I encountered XLERATOR. This super-powered hand dryer prompted you to FEEL THE POWER. I did. I was impressed, if frightened.

Erin's Reverse Housewarming Party was that night. I invited my long lost roommate from abroad Debo.

There was also beer pong and lots of people I didn't know.

The next morning, Erin and I took it easy lounging in bed for several hours watching an alarming number of episodes of Sex and the City (no judgement, please). We ate brunch and then I headed back to NY.

The bus ride back started off pretty unpleasantly, but got 100% better about an hour in with the announcement that the heat at the back of the bus would be turned on and the video equipment was broken.

In summation, I would never ever go to our Nation's Capital were it not for Erin. I don't know how I feel about that, but I'm certainly glad I made the trek this weekend.

The Little Things

2007-01-18T15:21:00.000-05:00

Today Joe and I went to Duane Reade and Balducci's just to break up the day with errands and eats. On the walk down 14th Street, we passed a donut shop that has the biggest muffins ever on display in the window. They look pretty yums, but way too big. No one needs that much muffin. Anyway, a man exited the donut shop, having already extracted his purchase from its container. Looking warmly at his plain glazed, he yelled, 'GOTTA LOVE THESE DONUTS!' He took his first bit and let out an emphatic 'MMMMMHMMMM!' He looked extremely satisfied and continued down the street with a noticeable hop in his step. Joe and I were just so pleased that we got to witness this man's first bite of a delicious treat that appeared to significantly improve his mood. Then we went to Balducci's and they were out of the White Bean Soup and I got mad. The moral is always eat a delicious donut and have a positive attitude.

A Quarter Century of Laura S.

2007-01-15T00:02:00.000-05:00

I am not overstating when I say that the past 25 years have been made much better by the presence of Laura S. Even though I wasn't present for one.25 of those years, I'm sure everyone who was benefited greatly, whether they knew it or not. If anyone reading this doesn't know Laura, consider yourself very unlucky, extremely lame, and just less valuable than the rest of us.

The evening got started (sans Laura actually) with a failed attempt to eat bunnies at Al Di Là. There was a two hour wait and even the promise of ADL's braised rabbit with black olives and polenta wasn't worth that. Plus I'd just gorged on Annie's Organic Bunny Grahams (which are totes adorabes and much more detailed in their rendering of animal than Teddy Grahams (which I won't even deign to hyperlink because they are so busted in comparison)) so it was kind of like I had just eaten a lot of succulent bunnies.

In lieu of ADL, we went across the street to Moutarde. Sam commented that it looked exactly like Paris. I agreed. When we sat down at the table, they brought us all different kinds of mustards with crudité. Fun! They also have something on the menu called "Goat Cheese Pillows." I didn't ask. Save for some loud patrons at a neighboring table and the dry molten baked Valhorona chocolate cake, it was very enjoyable. GREAT DATE PLACE!!!1!!11

Laura met us at the restaurant bearing a new hairdo (recently acquired from Bay Ridge) and cupcakes (recently acquired from her aunts). We then went to Great Lakes Bar where we stayed for about 5.5 hours. By the end of the night we all had tattoos (see below). I got a robot and the University High School crest. It was a mega fun night, even though Laura didn't do raptor. Happy birthday, you tender morsel!!

On a side note (and partly inspired by Trent's music review blog post), I just want to say that the new LCD Soundsystem album Sound of Silver (due out March 7th) is one of the best thing I've heard in a long time. The ultimate song 'New York I Love You' is, um, the ultimate. Let me know if you want a copy.

Now what?

2007-01-13T14:05:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I finished my grad school applications!! My friend Emma, who is starting culinary school in February, had her last day of work at her terrible job yesterday. To celebrate our respective victories, we drank champagne and ate fancy cheese. Now I'm watching tv, having woken up about 10 minutes ago, WITH NOTHING ELSE TO DO!! I think the novelty is going to wear off pretty soon.

Dinner Party

2007-01-11T00:49:00.000-05:00

I promised Joe I'd blog 'bout this dinner party at Laila's if he flickred the pics, so here it is.

Laughin'

Loungin'

Hostin'

Pokin'?

I had left at this point.

Off-Center Vanity

2007-01-09T23:16:00.000-05:00

Sam, Rickshaw, post dumpling soup.

Me, office, post straightening.

This is all that happened today. Oh, I ate some cake too.

Musto, Fungus and Cum Shots

2007-01-08T20:21:00.000-05:00

Today was a day of Internet discoveries. Scanning slides for 8 hours allows a lot of time to find fun/interesting stuff on the Internet and that I did.

Firstly, I found out that the Patrick McMullan Company Christmas Party was written up in the Village Voice. Michael Musto was in attendance because he and Patrick are besties. It was exciting to see him there and also exciting to see that he wrote a little thing about it. I think his description of the Hawaiian Tropic Zone is spot on.

Secondly, my coworker and friend Joe found a totally awesome video about this weird fungus that kills African bugs. It gets into their bodies, makes them go crazy, kills them, and then shoots a spore up through their dead carcasses. The new strains of fungus then drop to the jungle floor where the cycle repeats, presumably with some species of insect (which the narrator in the video said was good and ecologically beneficial and what not).

Lastly, I found this article in New York Magazine that gave me an aneurysm and a migraine. It's about this art star named Dash Snow and how great he is for making art involving cum shots. This was my favorite part:

He picked up a human skull from the floor. “Look at how scary that is, man. I can’t believe that … it’s so creepy. I’m going to do a come-shot series on the faces of the skulls, but after I come on them, I’ll throw glitter on them to make it pretty. Hey, look, he’s missing the same tooth as you, Ryan,” said Snow, and poked his finger into the empty space in the skull’s mouth.

Ignoring the egregious misspelling of cum, what do cum shots in glitter-embellished skulls have to do with me? What do they have to do with anyone? And who are the people telling us that these are the people making things of value? Horny old curators who are bored and need to get excitement from pictures of penises and cum? All this makes me want to do is find Dash Snow (also wtf is with that name?) and kick him in the balls a LOT til his junk is all f-ed up. Then let's see what kind of art he makes.

8 year olds LOVE video games

2007-01-07T22:52:00.000-05:00

Photo Credit- Ariel Goldberg
Today I went to my cousin Sam's 8th birthday party at Web2Zone (that's him from a few years ago with Floppy (rip 2006)). He and his friends got to play tons of video games on all different system and consoles. A few days ago Sam challenged me and whoever I brought to the party to a gaming showdown. BUT since all the friends I invited bailed (lame), I was left to face him alone. I totally wussed out because I'm the worst video game player ever and he's really good and I am not competitive at all and I don't like games that much. I think I made it up to him with my gift: Yoshi's Island for Nintendo DS. He texted me tonight to say that it was the only present he had opened and he hadn't stopped playing all afternoon. Score! Anyway, I was really shocked with the kids' gaming skillz. They just instinctively know how to play. It's amazing. I mean, kind of. Whatever. The point is, I got some free pizza and cookies.