Tuesday, July 29, 2008

New Annoyance

Men who clamor for seats on the subway. Nothing disgusts me more than a grown-up man who, on a crowded train, elbows and fights to get a seat. It makes me think he is the most effete, pathetic, little pussy bitch on the planet. Get a pair of balls please. All of you!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Very Itchy Situation

I have poison ivy. WTF? Where did I get poison ivy? Williamsburg?! I haven't been to summer camp in like 12 years.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

DO Take It Personal (Just One of Dem Days)

Goddamn it's just one of them days. It started last night when the fucking bus was 10 minutes late and then didn't stop for me! I ran to catch it and, with the help of some good Samaritans, boarded at the stop light. I get on and the driver goes 'You're welcome!' NO MOTHERFUCKER YOU DIDN'T STOP.

Then this morning I walk in to hear my least favorite person at work getting his dick sucked by a high up. Really annoying. He sucks.

Then people keep telling me things that I don't give a fuck about. I don't care about your boring life! SORRY!

Friday, July 4, 2008

Getting Matrimonized

I guess I'm at an age when my contemporaries will start getting married. It's a weird feeling since I am barely responsible enough to have my own debit card. So here it happens in two weeks I go to two weddings.

My role: Bridesmaid

It takes a very long time to get to Martha's Vineyard from New York. Like almost 10 hours. It was pretty annoying. But then I got there and it was beautiful. It's a weird place that feels a bit out of time. A lot of places on the island are "dry" which I don't understand and is freaky and Puritanical. The actual wedding was at Alex's mom's house (I think). It is a really huge house with a pool and other houses that are part of the house, y'know? I was a very delinquent bridesmaid and arrived about 20 minutes before the ceremony started. Instead of flowers, all the bridesmaids carried HERB BOUQUETS. I got rosemary.

I felt bad for the girl who got parsley :(
The ceremony was incredibly short. Afterwards we had hors d'oeuvres like mini burgers with Big Mac sauce and smoked salmon croque monsieurs. Alex is in a band called Ambulance LTD so there were tons of rock stars there. Hi Devendra!

The rock stars also did lots of drugs at/during dinner and couldn't identify the fig in their salads ("Is that a pomegranate?") Fun time!

Then it took many hours to get back home, but luckily Emma's sister and husband drove me all the way (so nice thanks guys!) and there was a baby involved.
Congrats Emma and Alex! I hope you don't get divorced EVER!!!

My role: best man's date

Planets aligned this weekend. Juliette and I were both nuptially obligated and decided to do an apartment swap. She ended up not staying in my apartment because of a Norwegian intervention, so I really got the long end of the swap stick (kinky!). I rented a car so I could be a real independent woman. I got a cute little Kia. It was so cute. Its blue hue matched all my outfits and brought out my eye color. Right when I got in, I met Noah and Jeremy for brunch. Noah bought a rug for super cheap (picture TK - pls check back). I spilled the beans about Alison and Joe getting engaged (which will likely be my next marriage-themed blog post). They were mad she hadn't told them, but whatever. Not my fault!
I got to Juliette's apartment and it was so nice. It's so cute. Like my Kia.
Jeremy and I went shopping and hung out by the pool. Then Mike and Noah met up with us for dinner at Gingergrass. Boiz night out!!! We went to Red Lion to wait for a table. The waitress at Red Lion was a TOTALLY NUTSOWEIRDO and kept getting mad that we were playing games with toothpicks. Bitch.
Gingergrass was delicious. Definitely go there.
Then we went to The Roost which is like 4th Avenue Pub, but more red and seedy inside. The Roost also plays better music. Really they're only similar because they both have free popcorn. The boiz and I had a heated Rock/Paper/Scissors contest. I came out victorious! All the boiz think it's a skill game. They were all figuring out odds and junk like 3!. Whatever. I have decided that it's more of a people-reading game than a skill game. Anyway, I'm the best in the world. Here Mike and Jeremy think about their next move.

After Mike won a round he'd yell I KNEW IT I KNEW IT. Very fun time.
After that we went to the Smog Cutter where we ran into Sam Solomon who we all knew from different places. So weird! Noah sang 'Family Affair' and a stranger did 'Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)' so I was happy.

Friday Mike and I got an early breakfast before he went to work. Then Ken and I went to LACMA to see the new Broad wing (BCAM) and the Chicano exhibit. Julio Cesar Morales' work was some of my favorite in the show.

The new wing was pretty beautiful. It reminded me of the Centre Pompidou because the stairs are on the outside.
The elevator was enormous and slow. The elevator shaft is Barbara Krueger decorated.

Every floor featured a Broad bio which was pretty tasteless. Also some of the work was a little cramped up. Like they put too much big stuff in all the smallish galleries. Overall I liked it, but I can understand why someone wouldn't.

Then Ken and I comparison tasted Peet's Coffee and Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. CBTL won. We also ate some sub par macaroons.

That night I met Noah in Pasadena for the rehearsal dinner. It was outside and lovely. Good food and great music (co-curated by me and Noah). I got a parking ticket though which was totally lame.

Saturday I met Priya for brunch. My new best gf!! Then Mike and I went to his secret laundry/hot tub/tennis spot and jammed by the pool. We saw the Indian guy from Heroes. I don't watch Heroes.

The ceremony was at Town Hall in Pasadena which is idyllic and beautiful. There were cocktails AT the ceremony. Totally awesome. There was a mariachi band. The ceremony was incredibly short (pattern?). No one could hear anything. But I just guessed what they were saying. Then Sam stomped the glass and the party got CRUNKED. We hung around and ate some apps and drank some drinks. I had two Coronas and a Miller light. Then we went to the reception at the Westin. I got to sit at the head table! I ordered a dirty martini. Celina's dad Jose gave the first speech. Now, I don't want to be racial, but it was a little bit sick. He talked all about her dresses and how beautiful she looked in the dresses she'd worn throughout her life. The whole thing was about the wedding dress and what a symbolic item that was for a woman, but it was kind of creepy. And then the father daughter dance. Yich I don't know. Maybe it's cultural. Anyway, Jose is very nice and I'm sure he's never done anything inappropriate with his daughter. That's what matters! Then I drank some champagne. Then we ate salad. Then Noah gave his speech. He was so nervous but it was really excellent. Kind of went for the funny-but-mostly-sincere-and-sweet style. Great job Noah!!

After that we danced a lot. The band was great and played hip hop covers (including Usher's 'Yeah') which is always an impressive and entertaining feat. I drank a glass of white wine. I ate halibut (very tasty!). The grandma danced so much that she fell down and broke her wrist. Uh ohs! Then I drank whiskey. I got a crush on this 16 yr old cousin from Mexico. She was the best dancer ever! She was wearing the cutest patterned dress. She had the same wig as me but a cooler cut with bangs and little curl tendrils around the face. I was totally jamazed. I thought of myself at 16. I could barely move my body enough to get from my house to school and here this coolgrrrl was moving around with total confidence and style. I love her. At 10 I got sleepy, but there was still 3 hours of party left. Noah suggested a Red Bull and vodka. That shit WORK. Who knew?! It tasted like jell-o, but it woke me the fuck up. We danced more and then went to sleep. It was a great great wedding. Everyone was so friendly. The band was awesome. I got to dance a lot. I barely had to talk to any strangers. Thanks for inviting me Noah! Congrats Sam and Celina. I also hope you never get divorced!

Sunday Mike and I took a drive to Malibu and then to Los Feliz for pie.

I had a late dinner with Ken and headed to the airport at an ungodly hour. I slept the entire flight home, but was still able to be disgusted by the bible reader sitting next to me. Between making notes in the margins of her Book, she took bites of her full french toast breakfast and full egg breakfast. Yes, two breakfasts in separate containers which she continued to devour during the course of the 6 hour flight.

I got back to a very unpleasant cab ride and work and humidity.