Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Night(s) of 1000 Strangers

This weekend was mostly spent hanging out with strangers, but also there were some people I knew around too. On Friday I went to see Smoking Aces which was strange. It's about a Vegas showman (Jeremy Piven) with mob ties and 9 hitmen all trying to kill him. I thought it'd be a more violent, but equally fast-paced and high jinks-laden Oceans 11. It was fast-paced, but extremely stupidly violent (not smartly violent like Pan's Laboratory). With so many wacky hitmen, I thought I'd want to root for one, but they were all so lame and clearly destined for failure I really couldn't get behind any of them. Also the 'twist' (if you can call it that) was so obvious, I got it within the first 5 minutes of the movie. It was understandably very boring just waiting for the characters to figure it out. Anyway, just in case you were considering seeing that (which, even ignoring my review, I highly doubt), please don't. It's not a good movie.

Later that night I met up with Sam and his mom, Pat who was visiting from Chicago. We had a really nice dinner at Blue Ribbon Bakery. Sam said our waiter looked like ramen noodles. I said, 'That's the sexiest side dish I've ever seen!' I didn't say that.

After we said goodbye to Pat, we went to Big Bar where we wrote a really great rap about a thug who has a hard day clockin' peeps and selling rocks and just wants to SNUGGLE DOWN, but his ho is all up on his dick. It's called Snuggle Down. Later, about 15 people entered the nearly empty (and small) bar. One girl sat down at our booth and drunkenly kept telling us that she knew us. At first it was annoying, but then she revealed the touching history of her entourage. They all met at Laguardia Airport this Christmas. They were trying to get to Colorado, but were stranded because of the blizzard in Denver. So this girl just rallied everyone, they rented cars and drove cross-country. Total strangers! And now they hang out all the time in NY! The best thing about the group was its multi-generational flava. The girl's 75-year-old Czech architect dad was there, along with a 40-year-old writer for South Park, a 20-year-old Tisch Film kid, a 29-year-old Kindergarten teacher and a HOT 18-year-old biomedical engineer major at Columbia. It was really heart-warming and they were all super awesome.

Saturday I went to MOMA for this feminist video program in celebration of the 30th anniversary of the Video Data Bank. I saw Joan Jonas' Vertical Roll of which I had only seen parts. You can watch it really small on the VDB website. Highly recommended. They also screened Dara Birnbaum's Technology/Transformation: Wonder Woman which is one of my fave vid art things of all time.

After MOMA, I went farther uptown to a birthday party with tons of cake and tons of strangers. The cake was delicious and the strangers totally unobtrusive. Fun time! Thanks Noah and Leah!

Sunday was pretty uneventful, save for the awesome brownie sundae Haley and I devoured at The Chocolate Room.

Apparently the strangers theme has followed me into the work week with this morning's return of THE MOST FARCICALLY OUTFITTED HOMELESS MAN EVER. This man haunts me. For an entire week I saw him twice a day on the A/C or F train. He vanished for about 1.5 months and returned this morning to my Manhattan-bound A train. Has anyone else seen him? He wears shoes made of paper, shorts ripped in a jagged 'pirate style,' no shirt, has huge hair and visible dirt on his large stomach. He managed to procure really nice black-rimmed glasses somehow, which supports my hypothesis that he is actually a performance artist of some kind. Also he never smells bad ever, despite all visual evidence to the contrary. He also has the voice of a frog-human hybird. Maybe he's made of a machine! A dirty frog machine with a faulty voice chip. Who knows?!

Friday, January 26, 2007

Some Things That Are Annoying

1. Watching old/stupid people use computers. This is SO ANNOYING. They're like, "See? It keeps doing that!" No, you assy monkey. You're making that happen by not knowing how to work a computer. It's just a machine! You can control it! Know the power structure, goddamn it. Until robots completely take over the world (circa 2040), we are in control.

2. Getting stuck behind slow people on subway stairs. I know this is a common complaint and it's not really that big a deal. Usually I hate those people who are rushing around. It's like, CHILL DUDE. But lately I have been in a legitimate hurry and found myself stuck behind moms and babies and shit. Super annoying.

3. Poor circulation. I have the worst circulation of anyone I know. It doesn't matter how many pairs of socks I wear. My feet are always numb and frozen. And it's not just like, "Oh my feet are cold that's weird." It hurts a LOT. It feels like there are pins going in them and I can't really move them at all. It's so annoying. I wouldn't mind the cold weather nearly as much if I wasn't afflicted with terrible circulation.

4. Post-nasal drip. I have this almost 100% of the time. Mostly it's no big deal, but sometimes it gets so mad gloppy and thick back there in the back of my throat. It's pretty gross and annoying cause it impairs my swallowing and eating. People keep telling me to get a Netti Pot, but I cannot bring myself to purchase something called a Netti Pot. WTF kind of name is that? I don't know its origin and I don't care. It's one of the most unpleasant sounding phrases of all time. If I get one I'll have to think of a rad name for it. Suggestions welcome.

5. Different volume levels on my itunes/pod. I'm sure there's a way to fix this, but I'm too lazy to investigate. I just hate when I'm jamming on a moderately volumed song and then the next track comes on and BAM!!!1@@! I'm poppin' and bustin' to get the phones off before I blow my earhole out. Ah. Noying.

To counter this list, here are some things that aren't annoying:

1. Beer
2. Amy's Organic Three Cheese Pizza with Cornmeal Crust
3. Eating #2 while drinking #1
4. MY FRIENDS!!!111
5. Sleeping

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

It's this one thing that's got me trippin'...

Google Image changed their interface slightly! Now when you roll over an image, it turns blue. Funky, huh? Here's what it looks like (my cursor was over that cute little cutie):

(click to enlarge)

Sunday, January 21, 2007

District of Funlumbia

I went to DC this weekend to visit Erin. Sam was going to visit his sister Lucy so we rode Greyhound together. The trip got underway at Port Authority where they were BLASTING classical music on the PA system. It didn't do much to distract from the fact that Port Authority is the most disgusting, depressing place in all of New York, maybe the entire world. After commenting on my weight and letting out a booming cackle, the driver checking out tickets let us board the bus. While on board, a few things happened.

1. Sam and I decided we should start a band called White Rose and then star in a reality tv show (presumably on vh1) in which we have to live with Prussian Blue in a mansion in LA.
2. We realized/reconfirmed that LCD Soundsystem and The Zombies are the GOOOOOODS.
3. We drew drawings!!! First portraits of each other, then tableaux from adventures we've had together (aaawwwwPUKE)

(click to enlarge)
4. We ate sandwiches.

5. I mistakenly read the title of another passenger's magazine. It was Prevention and I saw

We finally arrived in DC and saw the Illinois flag, so we really felt at home.

I got to Erin's house and we chilled a bit. She bought special provisions for my visit. We snacked on cheese and crackers, champagne+pineapple juice and mini cupcakes.

Then we went out to a romantic dinner. Here's Erin doing a robotic dance (different from THE Robot) so excited for the din.

On the way to the restaurant, I remembered what I like most about DC: The Metro. The stations are so haunting and cinematic. The lights at the edge of the platform flash to let you know to stand back because the train is coming. The trains themselves are clean and always on time. There was some funky mold here, so I guess they're not 100% perfect, but isn't it the flaws that makes things interesting or whatever?

Dinner was awesome. I ate about a few pounds of beef and Erin had a whole plate of fried things. We also shared crispy crab things and she got a very green cocktail.

After dinner, we went to this bar called the Front Page. After seeing the best thing in DC, I was upset to be confronted with the worst: the surplus of square white folk. These people went APE SHIT for O.A.R. and Stroke 9. Like, is it 1997??!!? Also the DJ played a medley from Grease. That is just totally inappropriate. I fucking hate Grease, but even if I didn't, I would not want to hear it at a bar. WRONG VENUE.

(singing 'Since U Been Gone')

(singing 'Livin' On A Prayer')

The next day we ate the most succulent mini burgers ever. They were served on brioche! Since it was freezing and windy, we decided to see Stomp The Yard.

It's the #1 movie in the country and not for nothing. It's so dope! The dancing is fucking amazing and the story/writing is actually not that bad. I wish Chris Brown hadn't been [SPOILER!!!] killed in the first 5 minutes, but there were some nice flashbacks of him lecturing his older brother (played by Columbus Short).

In the bathroom of the theater, I encountered XLERATOR. This super-powered hand dryer prompted you to FEEL THE POWER. I did. I was impressed, if frightened.

Erin's Reverse Housewarming Party was that night. I invited my long lost roommate from abroad Debo.

There was also beer pong and lots of people I didn't know.

The next morning, Erin and I took it easy lounging in bed for several hours watching an alarming number of episodes of Sex and the City (no judgement, please). We ate brunch and then I headed back to NY.

The bus ride back started off pretty unpleasantly, but got 100% better about an hour in with the announcement that the heat at the back of the bus would be turned on and the video equipment was broken.

In summation, I would never ever go to our Nation's Capital were it not for Erin. I don't know how I feel about that, but I'm certainly glad I made the trek this weekend.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

The Little Things

Today Joe and I went to Duane Reade and Balducci's just to break up the day with errands and eats. On the walk down 14th Street, we passed a donut shop that has the biggest muffins ever on display in the window. They look pretty yums, but way too big. No one needs that much muffin. Anyway, a man exited the donut shop, having already extracted his purchase from its container. Looking warmly at his plain glazed, he yelled, 'GOTTA LOVE THESE DONUTS!' He took his first bit and let out an emphatic 'MMMMMHMMMM!' He looked extremely satisfied and continued down the street with a noticeable hop in his step. Joe and I were just so pleased that we got to witness this man's first bite of a delicious treat that appeared to significantly improve his mood. Then we went to Balducci's and they were out of the White Bean Soup and I got mad. The moral is always eat a delicious donut and have a positive attitude.

Monday, January 15, 2007

A Quarter Century of Laura S.

I am not overstating when I say that the past 25 years have been made much better by the presence of Laura S. Even though I wasn't present for one.25 of those years, I'm sure everyone who was benefited greatly, whether they knew it or not. If anyone reading this doesn't know Laura, consider yourself very unlucky, extremely lame, and just less valuable than the rest of us.

The evening got started (sans Laura actually) with a failed attempt to eat bunnies at Al Di Là. There was a two hour wait and even the promise of ADL's braised rabbit with black olives and polenta wasn't worth that. Plus I'd just gorged on Annie's Organic Bunny Grahams (which are totes adorabes and much more detailed in their rendering of animal than Teddy Grahams (which I won't even deign to hyperlink because they are so busted in comparison)) so it was kind of like I had just eaten a lot of succulent bunnies.

In lieu of ADL, we went across the street to Moutarde. Sam commented that it looked exactly like Paris. I agreed. When we sat down at the table, they brought us all different kinds of mustards with crudité. Fun! They also have something on the menu called "Goat Cheese Pillows." I didn't ask. Save for some loud patrons at a neighboring table and the dry molten baked Valhorona chocolate cake, it was very enjoyable. GREAT DATE PLACE!!!1!!11

Laura met us at the restaurant bearing a new hairdo (recently acquired from Bay Ridge) and cupcakes (recently acquired from her aunts). We then went to Great Lakes Bar where we stayed for about 5.5 hours. By the end of the night we all had tattoos (see below). I got a robot and the University High School crest. It was a mega fun night, even though Laura didn't do raptor. Happy birthday, you tender morsel!!

On a side note (and partly inspired by Trent's music review blog post), I just want to say that the new LCD Soundsystem album Sound of Silver (due out March 7th) is one of the best thing I've heard in a long time. The ultimate song 'New York I Love You' is, um, the ultimate. Let me know if you want a copy.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Now what?

Yesterday I finished my grad school applications!! My friend Emma, who is starting culinary school in February, had her last day of work at her terrible job yesterday. To celebrate our respective victories, we drank champagne and ate fancy cheese. Now I'm watching tv, having woken up about 10 minutes ago, WITH NOTHING ELSE TO DO!! I think the novelty is going to wear off pretty soon.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Dinner Party

I promised Joe I'd blog 'bout this dinner party at Laila's if he flickred the pics, so here it is.





I had left at this point.

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Off-Center Vanity

Sam, Rickshaw, post dumpling soup.

Me, office, post straightening.

This is all that happened today. Oh, I ate some cake too.

Monday, January 8, 2007

Musto, Fungus and Cum Shots

Today was a day of Internet discoveries. Scanning slides for 8 hours allows a lot of time to find fun/interesting stuff on the Internet and that I did.

Firstly, I found out that the Patrick McMullan Company Christmas Party was written up in the Village Voice. Michael Musto was in attendance because he and Patrick are besties. It was exciting to see him there and also exciting to see that he wrote a little thing about it. I think his description of the Hawaiian Tropic Zone is spot on.

Secondly, my coworker and friend Joe found a totally awesome video about this weird fungus that kills African bugs. It gets into their bodies, makes them go crazy, kills them, and then shoots a spore up through their dead carcasses. The new strains of fungus then drop to the jungle floor where the cycle repeats, presumably with some species of insect (which the narrator in the video said was good and ecologically beneficial and what not).

Lastly, I found this article in New York Magazine that gave me an aneurysm and a migraine. It's about this art star named Dash Snow and how great he is for making art involving cum shots. This was my favorite part:

He picked up a human skull from the floor. “Look at how scary that is, man. I can’t believe that … it’s so creepy. I’m going to do a come-shot series on the faces of the skulls, but after I come on them, I’ll throw glitter on them to make it pretty. Hey, look, he’s missing the same tooth as you, Ryan,” said Snow, and poked his finger into the empty space in the skull’s mouth.

Ignoring the egregious misspelling of cum, what do cum shots in glitter-embellished skulls have to do with me? What do they have to do with anyone? And who are the people telling us that these are the people making things of value? Horny old curators who are bored and need to get excitement from pictures of penises and cum? All this makes me want to do is find Dash Snow (also wtf is with that name?) and kick him in the balls a LOT til his junk is all f-ed up. Then let's see what kind of art he makes.

Sunday, January 7, 2007

8 year olds LOVE video games

Photo Credit- Ariel Goldberg
Today I went to my cousin Sam's 8th birthday party at Web2Zone (that's him from a few years ago with Floppy (rip 2006)). He and his friends got to play tons of video games on all different system and consoles. A few days ago Sam challenged me and whoever I brought to the party to a gaming showdown. BUT since all the friends I invited bailed (lame), I was left to face him alone. I totally wussed out because I'm the worst video game player ever and he's really good and I am not competitive at all and I don't like games that much. I think I made it up to him with my gift: Yoshi's Island for Nintendo DS. He texted me tonight to say that it was the only present he had opened and he hadn't stopped playing all afternoon. Score! Anyway, I was really shocked with the kids' gaming skillz. They just instinctively know how to play. It's amazing. I mean, kind of. Whatever. The point is, I got some free pizza and cookies.

Saturday, January 6, 2007

haircut = sensual

I'm starting a blog. This is it. Maybe read it sometime or whatever!

I got my hair cut today. It's not my best haircut ever, but it's totally fine. I always forget how sensual the shampooing is at the place I go. Boy, girl, straight, gay, I'm always convinced the washer has a crush on me. They massage your ish for, like, a year! I'm not talking about a cursory scrub and then a wash out. They GIT R DUN f'realz. It's so amazing and surprisingly erotic. Usually they have Brazilian accents too which automatically makes it a MUCH sexier experience. Today Sophie was like, "I push too hard?" and I said, "Oh no! You could go harder!" She obliged. Then she inquired about the water tempurature. "Too hot?" she asked. "No, it's perfect, Sophie." Sooooo sexy, right?!?! Anyway, we're going on a date next week. I think things are gonna get serious.