Getting Matrimonized

I guess I'm at an age when my contemporaries will start getting married. It's a weird feeling since I am barely responsible enough to have my own debit card. So here it happens in two weeks I go to two weddings.

WEDDING 1: EMMA AND ALEX, JUNE 21, MARTHA'S VINEYARD, MA
My role: Bridesmaid

It takes a very long time to get to Martha's Vineyard from New York. Like almost 10 hours. It was pretty annoying. But then I got there and it was beautiful. It's a weird place that feels a bit out of time. A lot of places on the island are "dry" which I don't understand and is freaky and Puritanical. The actual wedding was at Alex's mom's house (I think). It is a really huge house with a pool and other houses that are part of the house, y'know? I was a very delinquent bridesmaid and arrived about 20 minutes before the ceremony started. Instead of flowers, all the bridesmaids carried HERB BOUQUETS. I got rosemary.

I felt bad for the girl who got parsley :(
The ceremony was incredibly short. Afterwards we had hors d'oeuvres like mini burgers with Big Mac sauce and smoked salmon croque monsieurs. Alex is in a band called Ambulance LTD so there were tons of rock stars there. Hi Devendra!

The rock stars also did lots of drugs at/during dinner and couldn't identify the fig in their salads ("Is that a pomegranate?") Fun time!

Then it took many hours to get back home, but luckily Emma's sister and husband drove me all the way (so nice thanks guys!) and there was a baby involved.
Congrats Emma and Alex! I hope you don't get divorced EVER!!!

WEDDING 2: SAM AND CELINA, JUNE 28, PASADENA, CA
My role: best man's date

Planets aligned this weekend. Juliette and I were both nuptially obligated and decided to do an apartment swap. She ended up not staying in my apartment because of a Norwegian intervention, so I really got the long end of the swap stick (kinky!). I rented a car so I could be a real independent woman. I got a cute little Kia. It was so cute. Its blue hue matched all my outfits and brought out my eye color. Right when I got in, I met Noah and Jeremy for brunch. Noah bought a rug for super cheap (picture TK - pls check back). I spilled the beans about Alison and Joe getting engaged (which will likely be my next marriage-themed blog post). They were mad she hadn't told them, but whatever. Not my fault!
I got to Juliette's apartment and it was so nice. It's so cute. Like my Kia.
Jeremy and I went shopping and hung out by the pool. Then Mike and Noah met up with us for dinner at Gingergrass. Boiz night out!!! We went to Red Lion to wait for a table. The waitress at Red Lion was a TOTALLY NUTSOWEIRDO and kept getting mad that we were playing games with toothpicks. Bitch.
Gingergrass was delicious. Definitely go there.
Then we went to The Roost which is like 4th Avenue Pub, but more red and seedy inside. The Roost also plays better music. Really they're only similar because they both have free popcorn. The boiz and I had a heated Rock/Paper/Scissors contest. I came out victorious! All the boiz think it's a skill game. They were all figuring out odds and junk like 3!. Whatever. I have decided that it's more of a people-reading game than a skill game. Anyway, I'm the best in the world. Here Mike and Jeremy think about their next move.

After Mike won a round he'd yell I KNEW IT I KNEW IT. Very fun time.
After that we went to the Smog Cutter where we ran into Sam Solomon who we all knew from different places. So weird! Noah sang 'Family Affair' and a stranger did 'Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)' so I was happy.

Friday Mike and I got an early breakfast before he went to work. Then Ken and I went to LACMA to see the new Broad wing (BCAM) and the Chicano exhibit. Julio Cesar Morales' work was some of my favorite in the show.

The new wing was pretty beautiful. It reminded me of the Centre Pompidou because the stairs are on the outside.
 
The elevator was enormous and slow. The elevator shaft is Barbara Krueger decorated.

Every floor featured a Broad bio which was pretty tasteless. Also some of the work was a little cramped up. Like they put too much big stuff in all the smallish galleries. Overall I liked it, but I can understand why someone wouldn't.

Then Ken and I comparison tasted Peet's Coffee and Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. CBTL won. We also ate some sub par macaroons.

That night I met Noah in Pasadena for the rehearsal dinner. It was outside and lovely. Good food and great music (co-curated by me and Noah). I got a parking ticket though which was totally lame.

Saturday I met Priya for brunch. My new best gf!! Then Mike and I went to his secret laundry/hot tub/tennis spot and jammed by the pool. We saw the Indian guy from Heroes. I don't watch Heroes.


The ceremony was at Town Hall in Pasadena which is idyllic and beautiful. There were cocktails AT the ceremony. Totally awesome. There was a mariachi band. The ceremony was incredibly short (pattern?). No one could hear anything. But I just guessed what they were saying. Then Sam stomped the glass and the party got CRUNKED. We hung around and ate some apps and drank some drinks. I had two Coronas and a Miller light. Then we went to the reception at the Westin. I got to sit at the head table! I ordered a dirty martini. Celina's dad Jose gave the first speech. Now, I don't want to be racial, but it was a little bit sick. He talked all about her dresses and how beautiful she looked in the dresses she'd worn throughout her life. The whole thing was about the wedding dress and what a symbolic item that was for a woman, but it was kind of creepy. And then the father daughter dance. Yich I don't know. Maybe it's cultural. Anyway, Jose is very nice and I'm sure he's never done anything inappropriate with his daughter. That's what matters! Then I drank some champagne. Then we ate salad. Then Noah gave his speech. He was so nervous but it was really excellent. Kind of went for the funny-but-mostly-sincere-and-sweet style. Great job Noah!!


After that we danced a lot. The band was great and played hip hop covers (including Usher's 'Yeah') which is always an impressive and entertaining feat. I drank a glass of white wine. I ate halibut (very tasty!). The grandma danced so much that she fell down and broke her wrist. Uh ohs! Then I drank whiskey. I got a crush on this 16 yr old cousin from Mexico. She was the best dancer ever! She was wearing the cutest patterned dress. She had the same wig as me but a cooler cut with bangs and little curl tendrils around the face. I was totally jamazed. I thought of myself at 16. I could barely move my body enough to get from my house to school and here this coolgrrrl was moving around with total confidence and style. I love her. At 10 I got sleepy, but there was still 3 hours of party left. Noah suggested a Red Bull and vodka. That shit WORK. Who knew?! It tasted like jell-o, but it woke me the fuck up. We danced more and then went to sleep. It was a great great wedding. Everyone was so friendly. The band was awesome. I got to dance a lot. I barely had to talk to any strangers. Thanks for inviting me Noah! Congrats Sam and Celina. I also hope you never get divorced!

Sunday Mike and I took a drive to Malibu and then to Los Feliz for pie.

I had a late dinner with Ken and headed to the airport at an ungodly hour. I slept the entire flight home, but was still able to be disgusted by the bible reader sitting next to me. Between making notes in the margins of her Book, she took bites of her full french toast breakfast and full egg breakfast. Yes, two breakfasts in separate containers which she continued to devour during the course of the 6 hour flight.

I got back to a very unpleasant cab ride and work and humidity.

Bingo!

BIRTHDAY: The Happiest Fortnight of the Year

After three parties, lots of decadent food, some singing and dancing, I am finally done with this year's birthday extravaganza.

This was an eventful two weeks full of birthday and non-birthday activities.

It started with mom's arrival in New York. She came out for Zoe's graduation and to hang out with her blessed children. The first night I took her to Hope and Anchor. I didn't realize it was karaoke night! Awks! We were both very impressed with vocal range and hair volume of the towering drag queen hostess. The next few days were spent eating and resting, running errands and walking. We also went to PS1. Mike joined our little group a few days later, wearied from a Preakness bender with Erin.

Mike was most excited to go to the Condé caf which I don't think lived up to expectation.


Then came my actual birthday day!!! Despite the rainy weather, I had a fun time that day. Since it's Nadine's birthday too, there were three cakes at work. They were all delicious! After work I headed to Fette Sau where all my friends (and Mom and Mike) were waiting! It was such a warm fuzzy feeling to see everyone there! We ate lots of awesome things including, pork belly, brisket, pork ribs and beer. Hannah made the most awesome lemon curd and coconut cake. It was delicious. Surprise guest of the night: EZRA KINGDOM!!



Friday was Zoe's graduation. Mike and I went up to Bronxville in the morning. It was a really nice day to sit outside.

In the middle of the ceremony, this cool guy with Ray Bans walked down the aisle with his hand over his mouth, clearly about to throw up. This white foam spurt out from between his fingers. He still tried to keep it cool in front of all the parents. Pretty amazing. 4/5 of the family went out to lunch after the graduation. Congrats Zoe!!! We're so proud that you're a strong sexy independent woman!!

Then Mike and I headed back to the city. That night Paul, Mike Jess and I went to the new beer garden in Crown Heights. It is so nice!!! I'm going to go there all summer. Then we had a late dinner at Bar Tano. Very delicious.

Saturday night was my 2nd birthday party at Big Bar. Sam spilled a drink on me, but luckily I'm a really forgiving person so we're still friends.

People brought lots of treats like goat cheese cheesecake from the dessert truck (thanks Jeff and Jess) and beef horseradish chips (thanks Gretch!) I forgot to take pictures cause I was having too much fun! Thanks for coming everyone!

Sunday was Mike's last day here, so we took some long walks with Sam and just enjoyed Brooklyn. For dinner we tried to go to Bogota which is always fucking closed! It's ridiculous. So we went to Brooklyn Fish Camp instead where I had the most disgusting shrimp tacos ever. The beer and mussels were good, so not a total loss. Then I met up with Ken and some friends, one of whom is a writer at Allure. We had fun gossiping about coworkers.

Monday was the 2nd Annual Adam/Zara/Vanessa/Snugget Memorial Day BBQ. With temperatures in the low 80s (a vast improvement from last year's scorching temps and high humidity), it was a perfect day to lounge, eat and drink outside. There was tons of delicious food, most of which I can't remember. I just know I had fun! Thanks AVZS!!!



Wednesday I went to dinner with Adam in Chinatown. We got free squid balls in our soup! The woman making the soup was really insistent we get them because they'd just come in that day. They were pretty good. Questionable texture.

Then we went to Winnie's for karaoke with Ken and his friend/twin Alex. Sam jumped in on all my songs, but we're still friends. We did a dynamite "I've Never Been To Me" and sang "Movin' Out" with some rowdy Hawaiian teens. Adam's an incredible singer. Who knew?!?! Ken and Alex were good too of course.

Friday Laila, Sam and I saw the Sex and the City movie. I can't even begin to enumerate the myriad ways this movie is FUCKED UP AND BAD because I'll get very upset. I'll just say it was abysmal and that no concealed weapons is a good law because if I ever saw any responsible party I'm not sure what would happen. GOD IT WAS SO AWFUL AND OFFENSIVE. Ok I'm going to take a minute.
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Aaaaaaand I'm back. I took a little walk. I'm calm and collected.

Saturday was my THIRD BIRTHDAY PARTY canyoubelieveitiknowright?1?!!? Jess Park (the most beautiful woman in the world) organized a Korea Town extravaganza. She sent out an incredibly detailed itinerary. Very impressive and so cute I'm going to paste it here for posterity.

Subject: NAOMI HAS YELLOW FEVER
YO BITCHES,
Here is the rundown for Naomi's birthday dinner fiasco. we will traverse boroughs and eat meat and sing and DRINK.

SATURDAY, MAY 31 (this saturday) RUN OF SCHEDULE:

* 6pm: Naomi's OPENING at GOWANUS - 7th St btwn 2nd & 3rd Aves in Brooklyn.
* 6-7 pm: drinking and watching naomi's art.
* 7:20 pm: depart for ktown.
* 8 pm: DINNER in KTOWN: Kang Suh, 1250 Broadway at 32nd St., 212-564-6845
o http://nymag.com/listings/restaurant/kang-suh/
o reservation for a room under my name: Jessica Park
* 8 - 10 pm: eating and drinking. paul yee sits near jess park to have asian domination over food.
* 10 pm: KARAOKE: Grammy Karaoke, 23 W 32nd St. NY NY 212.629.7171.
o http://newyork.metromix.com/bars-and-clubs/karaoke_bar/grammy-karaoke-midtown/56975/content
o Res for room under Jessica Park.
o * This joint is cheap - $100 per hour for 15 people = under $7 an hour. Coors light $4/Heinekin Corona $5. You can do this.
o 10 pm - sunrise: renditions of Mariah Carey Hero dedicated to Naomi Leibowitz by Jess Park.

LETS DO THIS.

see you later.

KOREANS ARE BETTER THAN EVERYONE.

The opening in Gowanus was good. There was a much larger turn out than I expected. I saw Sam's friend Joe Hassett, but didn't say HI because I couldn't place him. It was very hot inside. Thanks for coming Haley! We scooped up Sam and headed to K-town to meet up with 7/9 of the Chain for a feast! We got 2 bibimbaps, 5 orders of meat for bbq-ing, a cold noodle thing, seafood jeon, hmmm some other stuff too, but I can't remember. Anyway, it was delicious. Great job ordering Jess.


After dinner we went to Grammy (or Grand (the establishment was suffering a pretty profound identity crisis)) Karaoke. It looked like a pediatrician's office inside. They brought us treats TOTALLY GRATIS. The only bad thing about this place was their pithy song selection. It was no problem for the Chain though!! We still had a most fun time! It all went so quickly I can't remember what songs people sang. Oh god. Ok I'm thinking. Oh! Kat and Zaq did "Zombie" which was nice. Jeff and Ben did "Semi-Charmed Life." Also good. Chain members just leave other highlights in the comments section please. Thanks! I had a great time. Thanks for coming everyone!!



Other exciting events/news in the past week(s):

1. I have perfect teeth says the dentist!

2. I went to Craft which was just fucking fantastic and everyone should go it's so delicious and Tom's sexy as fuck.
3. I kind of quit smoking! Not reeeeally, but I've only had 2 this week. So that's basically like a quit, right? No strokes for me!!
4. I had a bed bug scare, but I was just being paranoid! Mosquitoes and other critters just love my sweet blood! That or it's a mild strain of flesh eating (Adam's hypothesis).
5. My ex-boss and Chicago Sun Times rock critic Jim DeRogatis testified in the R. Kelly trial! Here's a colorful recap of what happened. So amazing!
6. I bought a really spendy bag. I love it.
7. 3 people (Jason, dlb and Adrienne) sent me mixes which are filling my ears with much needed new refreshing sounds like:
a) The Dodos - Red and Purple
b) The 1900s - When I Say Go
c) Tim Fite - Big Mistake
d) She & Him - Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?

Next post will likely be a recap of wedding season 2k8 in which I play a bridesmaid. HWAT??!!?!?!? K THX BAI.

new best song!

lllllllooove ittt!!!

Some interesting items

1. The new secret flavor of Doritos is Mountain Dew.
 
 
So that's weird to make a chip taste like soda, but whatever. Jeffrey and I came up with a list of ideas for the next secret flavor:

ice cream cake
rootbeer float
nutella
bologna sandwich

2. This is rivals the Austrian for top prize in the Great Freak Naomi Out Race of 2008.


3. If you double click on any word on NYTIMES.COM a reference/definition window pops up.

icanhearyourthoughtsimeanmusic

Today on the train home from dinner, this dude was blasting this out of his headphonespod. He was boopbopping along and rocking out to it. Fun guy!

LAdventure

A lot of exciting things happened on my most recent venture to the West. Though honestly, all of them were eclipsed by one: the moment I heard the thumping synthesized drum beat of Miley Cyrus' gesamtkunstwerk See You Again. Everything else is a faint memory. The explosion of over-produced candy pop emanating from Juliette's Prius stereo is not something I will soon forget. DOWNLOAD HERE!!!

I will try to recount some other interesting tid bits so my readers don't get bored (luv u guys ur special!!). I flew Virgin American which was pretty neat. It's just like a funky disco inside, but like a planedisco. They have neon lights shining and trip hop playing when you walk in. You can order drinks on this little screen and don't have to talk to anyone!

Mike picked me up from the airport and we went to Griddle Cafe.

We got a thing with Chicago in the name just cuz! Then I had a super secret special meeting which I can't talk about on such a public forum. Just email me separately if you want to talk about it. Then Adam - god bless his unemployed self - agreed to entertain me for the remainder of the afternoon while my other friends took care of adult responsibilities. He played a game where he pretended to be mean and bored at first, but I know he was having fun. We walked around a bit, then went to Westwood and ate Red Mango.

Then we met up with Jeremy at the Hammer Museum to see the Kara Walker exhibit. It was pretty good! I hadn't seen much of her stuff aside from the cutouts, so it was nice to put those within a larger context.

After that the boys ate sushi. I drank beer and stole a piece here and there. Thanks guys! Then Jeremy bet Adam $2 that he wouldn't drink the remainder of our tempura sauce. AND HE DID CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?!?

This photo kinda sucks cause it looks like Coke in there, but I swear that's sauce.

After that I met up with Ariel who I hadn't seen in quite a long time. She was mad hungover and I was jet lagged, but we still had a great time catching up. We shared a vegan cupcake which was not so bad. Mike met us at AKbar which was mellow and dark red (almost burgundy) inside. Only as we were exiting did we see the insane dance party going on in the other room of the bar. We were probably too tired to partake anyway.

Friday I went to work with Mike and hung out there for a few hours. His work is very relaxing and equipped with tons of free snack foods. I'd get totally way fatter than I am if I worked there. It's all free and it's cookies and junk!! Ken picked me up and we embarked on a long day of cooking and eating. Due to some combination of overplanning and underthinking, we wound up with two very heavy meals nearly back to back. We made big burgers for lunch. I drank Pimps (loves it) and Ken made an extremely refreshing drink with Mezcal and spices. Then we went to the Museum of Jurassic Technology which is as great as everyone says. I like the fake science factoids and the room of Napoleon books. For want of anything else to do, we went to Target which is always fun, if depressing. Ken got a gardening knee pad for his mom.

For the second meal, against our better judgment, we made lamb chops. With a random assortment of baking products, we were only able to make one dessert item in all of Joy Of Cooking: pecan blondies. There were a few problems, but overall it was a successful meal that left me never wanting to eat again. I was really proud of the pecan blondies. They looked perfect and tasted very good.

After dinner I borrowed Ken's car and drove to Charlie O's, taking Olympic all the way (a fact that amused my friends greatly). Whatever it didn't take that long. When I walked in Jeffrey was there!! What a treat! He told me earlier, "Maaaaaybe I'll come if my abusive boyfriend Zach can give me a ride." And then there he was!

Rachel and Rob's awesome band He's My Brother She's My Sister were playing. Great job guys!!! Mike and I have a band called I'm His Sister I'm Her Brother because we were so inspired by you.

Saturday Mike and I went to Square One. We shared a baked egg dish with chorizo and a tortilla and some other stuff. We also had a fruit salad which was exquisite because produce in California is just amazing. After that we drove around a bit and then I remembered OH SHIT TREVOR LIVES HERE NOW!!!! I called him asap and went over to his apartment to chill. He ate some meatballs in front of me.


After that I FINALLY got to see my one true toe-headed love, Juliette Clair. She'd been working on a movie with a delinquent celeb's little sister. Guess which one!!! No, not Jamie Lynn. Guess again!! Oh I don't even want to tell you because it's more fun to have secrets! We went to Urban Outfitters because that's just what we do together. Juliette got a really sexual denim dress that will be pictured later in this post. DON'T SKIP AHEAD!!!

We met up with Mike at Mozza to gorge on Vanessa's mom's most awesome creations. Thanks for the reservation hook up V! I will give you some free magazines if you want! Jeremy was 15 minutes late which was very rude. We ordered the following:

Appetizers
Plate of Speck
Meatballs al forno
Mussels al forno with Calabrian sauce
Pizzas
Egg, guanciale, radicchio, escarole & bagna cauda
Bianca with fontina, mozzarella, sottocenere & sage
Clams, garlic, oregano, parmigiano & pecorino
And another one with something that sounds like sunchoke but isn't and came with a huge mountain of a fluffy white cheese. Guesses welcome.
Desserts
Butterscotch budino
Gelato: olive oil, mint chip, blood orange

SO GOOD!!!

After dinner we went to a wine/beer bar. It was totally empty and now my new favorite place to go for drinks in LA. Real relaxing. They also had an outdoor "courtyard" which was just a chain link fenced off area in an alley. Real relaxing. Juliette and I were tired, so after a quick stop at her friend's friend's birthday, we went home.

HUGE HUGE MISTAKE

After we left the birthday, her friend Rachel went to a part at Chateau Marmont with Sienna Miller and Justin Long and Jonah Hill and all those guys. And she's "in the bizz" so I could have actually had a conversation with one or more REAL LIFE CELEBS. Also Chateau Marmont!!! Anyway, never go home when you're tired because you might get to meet Sienna Miller and see how skinny she is in real life. My brother also ended up at tons of cool parties which would have been fun, but no I have to be a big pussy whose favorite activity is sleep. Gaaahhhhhhh.

Sunday I met up with Juliette and Rachel at Le Pain Quotidien in West Hollywood which is very nice and in a house that makes you feel fancy and famous. After that we met up with Mike and went to Griffith Park to play tennis. Mike's tennis buddy flaked, so we walked around and took some glamour shots in nature.

Griffith Park is cool, but it's not really a "park" y'know? It's just a mountain. I wanted to lie down and you really can't do that there. I guess it's good for hiking and starting fires.

After the park, we ate gelato in Los Feliz. Then Mike and I went back to his house to pack and just relax before dinner. Juliette mentioned a great Vietnamese restaurant she knew of called Lemongrass. We googled it and headed over there. It was in Glendale. Weird, but ok. Then we walked in and it was just like a normal not that nice Vietnamese restaurant. So I texted her and she said that she meant to say it was called Gingergrass. THANKS IDIOT. We'd already ordered so whatevs. It was fine.

Then I got on the airplane!!