LAdventure

A lot of exciting things happened on my most recent venture to the West. Though honestly, all of them were eclipsed by one: the moment I heard the thumping synthesized drum beat of Miley Cyrus' gesamtkunstwerk See You Again. Everything else is a faint memory. The explosion of over-produced candy pop emanating from Juliette's Prius stereo is not something I will soon forget. DOWNLOAD HERE!!!

I will try to recount some other interesting tid bits so my readers don't get bored (luv u guys ur special!!). I flew Virgin American which was pretty neat. It's just like a funky disco inside, but like a planedisco. They have neon lights shining and trip hop playing when you walk in. You can order drinks on this little screen and don't have to talk to anyone!

Mike picked me up from the airport and we went to Griddle Cafe.

We got a thing with Chicago in the name just cuz! Then I had a super secret special meeting which I can't talk about on such a public forum. Just email me separately if you want to talk about it. Then Adam - god bless his unemployed self - agreed to entertain me for the remainder of the afternoon while my other friends took care of adult responsibilities. He played a game where he pretended to be mean and bored at first, but I know he was having fun. We walked around a bit, then went to Westwood and ate Red Mango.

Then we met up with Jeremy at the Hammer Museum to see the Kara Walker exhibit. It was pretty good! I hadn't seen much of her stuff aside from the cutouts, so it was nice to put those within a larger context.

After that the boys ate sushi. I drank beer and stole a piece here and there. Thanks guys! Then Jeremy bet Adam $2 that he wouldn't drink the remainder of our tempura sauce. AND HE DID CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?!?

This photo kinda sucks cause it looks like Coke in there, but I swear that's sauce.

After that I met up with Ariel who I hadn't seen in quite a long time. She was mad hungover and I was jet lagged, but we still had a great time catching up. We shared a vegan cupcake which was not so bad. Mike met us at AKbar which was mellow and dark red (almost burgundy) inside. Only as we were exiting did we see the insane dance party going on in the other room of the bar. We were probably too tired to partake anyway.

Friday I went to work with Mike and hung out there for a few hours. His work is very relaxing and equipped with tons of free snack foods. I'd get totally way fatter than I am if I worked there. It's all free and it's cookies and junk!! Ken picked me up and we embarked on a long day of cooking and eating. Due to some combination of overplanning and underthinking, we wound up with two very heavy meals nearly back to back. We made big burgers for lunch. I drank Pimps (loves it) and Ken made an extremely refreshing drink with Mezcal and spices. Then we went to the Museum of Jurassic Technology which is as great as everyone says. I like the fake science factoids and the room of Napoleon books. For want of anything else to do, we went to Target which is always fun, if depressing. Ken got a gardening knee pad for his mom.

For the second meal, against our better judgment, we made lamb chops. With a random assortment of baking products, we were only able to make one dessert item in all of Joy Of Cooking: pecan blondies. There were a few problems, but overall it was a successful meal that left me never wanting to eat again. I was really proud of the pecan blondies. They looked perfect and tasted very good.

After dinner I borrowed Ken's car and drove to Charlie O's, taking Olympic all the way (a fact that amused my friends greatly). Whatever it didn't take that long. When I walked in Jeffrey was there!! What a treat! He told me earlier, "Maaaaaybe I'll come if my abusive boyfriend Zach can give me a ride." And then there he was!

Rachel and Rob's awesome band He's My Brother She's My Sister were playing. Great job guys!!! Mike and I have a band called I'm His Sister I'm Her Brother because we were so inspired by you.

Saturday Mike and I went to Square One. We shared a baked egg dish with chorizo and a tortilla and some other stuff. We also had a fruit salad which was exquisite because produce in California is just amazing. After that we drove around a bit and then I remembered OH SHIT TREVOR LIVES HERE NOW!!!! I called him asap and went over to his apartment to chill. He ate some meatballs in front of me.


After that I FINALLY got to see my one true toe-headed love, Juliette Clair. She'd been working on a movie with a delinquent celeb's little sister. Guess which one!!! No, not Jamie Lynn. Guess again!! Oh I don't even want to tell you because it's more fun to have secrets! We went to Urban Outfitters because that's just what we do together. Juliette got a really sexual denim dress that will be pictured later in this post. DON'T SKIP AHEAD!!!

We met up with Mike at Mozza to gorge on Vanessa's mom's most awesome creations. Thanks for the reservation hook up V! I will give you some free magazines if you want! Jeremy was 15 minutes late which was very rude. We ordered the following:

Appetizers
Plate of Speck
Meatballs al forno
Mussels al forno with Calabrian sauce
Pizzas
Egg, guanciale, radicchio, escarole & bagna cauda
Bianca with fontina, mozzarella, sottocenere & sage
Clams, garlic, oregano, parmigiano & pecorino
And another one with something that sounds like sunchoke but isn't and came with a huge mountain of a fluffy white cheese. Guesses welcome.
Desserts
Butterscotch budino
Gelato: olive oil, mint chip, blood orange

SO GOOD!!!

After dinner we went to a wine/beer bar. It was totally empty and now my new favorite place to go for drinks in LA. Real relaxing. They also had an outdoor "courtyard" which was just a chain link fenced off area in an alley. Real relaxing. Juliette and I were tired, so after a quick stop at her friend's friend's birthday, we went home.

HUGE HUGE MISTAKE

After we left the birthday, her friend Rachel went to a part at Chateau Marmont with Sienna Miller and Justin Long and Jonah Hill and all those guys. And she's "in the bizz" so I could have actually had a conversation with one or more REAL LIFE CELEBS. Also Chateau Marmont!!! Anyway, never go home when you're tired because you might get to meet Sienna Miller and see how skinny she is in real life. My brother also ended up at tons of cool parties which would have been fun, but no I have to be a big pussy whose favorite activity is sleep. Gaaahhhhhhh.

Sunday I met up with Juliette and Rachel at Le Pain Quotidien in West Hollywood which is very nice and in a house that makes you feel fancy and famous. After that we met up with Mike and went to Griffith Park to play tennis. Mike's tennis buddy flaked, so we walked around and took some glamour shots in nature.

Griffith Park is cool, but it's not really a "park" y'know? It's just a mountain. I wanted to lie down and you really can't do that there. I guess it's good for hiking and starting fires.

After the park, we ate gelato in Los Feliz. Then Mike and I went back to his house to pack and just relax before dinner. Juliette mentioned a great Vietnamese restaurant she knew of called Lemongrass. We googled it and headed over there. It was in Glendale. Weird, but ok. Then we walked in and it was just like a normal not that nice Vietnamese restaurant. So I texted her and she said that she meant to say it was called Gingergrass. THANKS IDIOT. We'd already ordered so whatevs. It was fine.

Then I got on the airplane!!

Fall Break Part II: Chicago

THURSDAY:

Since Zoë decided to have Thanksgiving with us this year (something that hasn't happened since veganism took hold of our youngest several years ago), we only got three items from Boston Market: turkey, mashed potatoes and corn bread. The rest of the meal which included dressing (or stuffing, but not so-called because it wasn't prepared inside the bird), haricot verts, sweet potatoes, salad (endive/pickled beet/walnut (I forgot the pear)), cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie were all vegan! 66%!!!!! It was delicious. We also had a turkey-shaped butter.

Dad gave thanks for antibiotics, that we aren't dead and that we all speak English (which is God's language (which we know because the Bible was written in English (obviously))). Then mom tried to finish naming all the presidents. Zoe got mad. It was a really fun family time! Here are the boys, deliriously sated after the big meal.


FRIDAY:
Dad planned every meal for the vacation. Today's breakfast was challah french toast. It was moist and delicious. After breakfast and lounging, we went to see Margot at the Wedding which wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I learned that Mom always gets the Kid's Pack at the AMC. She likes it because it comes in a tray.

After the movie, we ate salmon for dinner. Then I picked up Alison, Jeremy and Noah in Hyde Park and we went to Rainbo Club. I love it there. It's so relaxing. We drank some greyhounds and ate Mamba.

I ran into MC! Hi, coquettish cutie!!!

Then we went to Katie's party and ran into lost of people from high school which was both pleasant and unpleasant. There was a tasty cake there. I ate some of it. We also played games with a plantain.

Here's Katie on Katie's fridge twice.


SATURDAY:
Today's breakfast was buckwheat pancakes, Dad's specialty. They were good as ever. There was also bacon. After eating and lounging, Mom, Dad and I went to see No Quarto da Vanda, or In Vanda's Room at The Siskel Center. It's a documentary about a heroin addict living in a Lisbon slum, directed by Pedro Costa (who I learned later is kind of famous). The woman profiled in the film we also later learned stars in many of Costa's fictional films. I'm not sure I understand the logic of hiring a heroin addict to star films that aren't documentaries about heroin addicts, but I don't understand lots of things, soooo yeeah. The film looked like a Caravaggesque Vermeer.

See kind of?
Anyway, it was very dark obviously, but very beautiful looking, well shot and produced.
When we got home, Dad made lamb chops. Lamb taste good.

SUNDAY:
Today we ate lox and bagels in the morning. Robin picked me up and we went to Target. I got some tampons!! After that I went shopping with Mom. She bought me a dress. Thanks Mom!!!
For dinner we had turkey divan which is a casserole with some creamy dressing sauce on top and a bread item and a vegetable. I'd never had it before, but it's really the best way to use the greatest number of Thanksgiving leftovers all at once.

MONDAY:
I woke up at 3:30 am to get to the airport. Then I went immediately to work. I felt like this:

Fall Break Part I: Los Angeles

SATURDAY
I arranged for Jerry to pick me up for the airport at 4:30 am on Saturday morning. He called me at 4:15 and said (in a thick Brooklyn accent), 'Look, I'm coming to pick you up in about 10 minutes. There's a guy in the car, but he's got nothing to do with you. You're going to the airport, ok? He's got nothing to do with you.' So I got in the car and there was indeed a man in the car, passed out in the front seat. 'He works at Blue Ribbon. You ever been there? Oh, it's delicious.' Jerry proceeded to talk to me the entire ride, pointing out interesting sites on the way to JFK, including the Federation of Black Cowboys located somewhere between Brooklyn and Queens. I got to the airport and slept nearly the entire flight since I had only gotten two hours of sleep the night before (and four hours of sleep the night before that). Michael picked me up and we went to brunch at Toast. Juliette met us there too for a special surprise!! I love Juliette1!!!111 After brunch, we met up with Lauren and Rachel to thrift shop in Pasadena. I got a flannel and grey cut-offs. After that Mike got his hair cut!! Finally!! I was so proud of him for going through with it. It's still in transition but I think it's a vast improvement. He looks great!
 
We got some Thai food for dinner in Silverlake and then went to a party with Juliette, Rachel and Max. This party was awesome because
(1) it was in a big house with a large backyard and a bonfire
(2) it was amazingly well stocked (lots of kinds of beer, hard alcohol and food (including oversized Pocky))
(3) there was a gorgeous fluffy dog there named Frannie


SUNDAY
We met up with Juliette, Rachel, Max, Jessie and Olga (aka Big Love +1) at Joan's on Third. It's like Dean and Deluca, LA-style. Very delicious and overpriced (which I think makes it taste even more delicious).

After that we went to some stores and walked around The Grove and stuff. I bought some books and a sun glasses case. I went to Ken's house for dinner. He made a delicious steak with potatoes and a salad. We had a Ritter Sport for desert and drank non-headache-inducing red wine. Then we went in search of open bars which, at midnight on Sunday, was a difficult task. We ended up at The Prince which was awesome. You can smoke inside and they play Korean pop music. They also inexplicably serve tortilla chips and salsa as a bar snack.

MONDAY
I met Juliette in the morning at Griddle Cafe. It was DELICIOUS and DECADENT! We ordered an egg dish with Big Mac sauce on it and really tender french toast. After eating, we took a magical trip to the Valley to test drive a new Prius at a kind-of-used car dealer. There were a lot of analogies about shoes made of paper to explain why the price our salesman was quoting us was about $2000 more than the price indicated on the Prius website.


I had about 6 hours to kill before Mike got off work so I went to a movie at Arclight and hung out at Borders. It was boring, but not that boring. Southland Tales is weird. It's not as good as Donnie Darko. Mike picked me up and we met Jeremy for dinner at a Mexican restaurant.

After dinner, Mike and I went to Metal Skool at The Key Club. It was the sickest scene ever. There were disgusting people there. The opening band was completely ridiculous. It was 4 'roided out dudes wearing sleeveless denim shirts (shaved armpits (vomit)) singing this really poppy 'metal.' It was hilarious.

As a warm-up before Metal Skool came on, this dude video taped the crowd and projected the video above the stage. He basically asked girls to show their tits and if they didn't he called them prude cunts and if they did he called them slutty whores. It was very disgusting -- a real Girls Gone Wild, date rape, peer pressure situation. I was extremely uncomfortable. The band finally came on and it was more of the same. Girls went on stage and the lead singer told them to get naked and if they didn't that the band wouldn't fuck them after the show. I found out later that all the people in the band are married with children and the whole thing is just a complete act. I don't know if that makes it better or worse. It was kind of shocking to see how into it everyone was. It was so sad for everyone! What's fun about it? Seeing what terrible things you can say to girls to make them feel bad enough about themselves to show their vaginas to thousands of people? Is that exciting? Like, do men really need to exercise power in such a retarded, base way? And why is it exciting for the girls who do it? Because they need attention? It was insane. Also the music wasn't even that good. It was just mediocre covers of songs I don't even like in their original form. The one funny thing was that everyone in the band represented an archetype of a 'metal' character and the 'effeminate' one was really well done. He had wind on him the whole time and kept checking himself in a hand mirror. The scene outside was kind of hilarious. This one guy was begging to get in. Like insane begging. It was just a weird thing through and through. I hope I never go somewhere like that again. It made me feel gross and sad.

TUESDAY
I did some web work for Andrew Kreps in the morning and then Ray picked me up for lunch. We went back to Joans on Third which was also delicious for lunch. We shared an iceberg salad and I had a ham and brie sandwich. We drove around listening to an English-accents-for-actors CD. Ray's accent isn't as good as mine which made him jealous. It's ok, Ray!!
We went to hang out at Mike's work, Anonymous Content. He has a fun job with free food and movies playing all the time.
We met Juliette for dinner at a noodle place in Silverlake. It was very brightly lit. We got gelato afterwards. Then I had some drinks at Ken's house to help him use the copious amounts of ice his ice maker produced over the preceding 24 hours. I <3 Jameson and Ginger Ale.

WEDNESDAY
I got to the airport insanely early, worried about the holiday rush. I got through security in about 7 minutes and would have gotten through faster but I was behind a HP salesman in line who extracted about 1010039839 laptops for x-ray. It was hilarious. Jeremy insisted on boarding the plane before me (even though we were sitting next to each other) because he was in Seating Group 2 and I was in Seating Group 3. The guy sitting in front of me immediately upon taking his seat pushed back all three seats in his row. Even though no one else was sitting in the other two. So Jeremy finally leaned over and righted the seat in front of him telling the guy, 'Sorry bro, I'm just gonna fix this since nobody's sitting here yet.' 'Well someone will be.' 'Well we're also going to take off in a minute, soo...' He was a complete dick. We spend the entire flight passive aggressively kicking the backs of their chairs while he and his girlfriend got plastered and necked inches from our faces.

Note: Jeremy is not leaning forward.
I'm never flying United again. NO LEG ROOM!!!!

When I got home, I went to Hyde Park to meet up with Alie, Joe and Jeremy to go to Jimmy's. Noah and his brother came later too.