Adventure Fantasy Day

Every so often I like to query my friends about how they'd spend a dream day. Time travel, teleportation and magic all exist in this fantasy realm. Usually I get a bevy of diverse responses to this semi-annual CFE, but this round was marked by low turnout and strikingly similar fantasy scenarios by 50% of participants.

SAM
wake up with the dawn in a woodsy lodge, full of energy. do yoga and enjoy it, then eat a light, oatmeal breakfast. then it's hiking time, and i hike in the brisk air up a hill in a woods:

upon my return, i have a business lunch (croque monsieur) with a surprise guest: an editor who wants me to write a book for money.

then it's pool/spa time. it's raining cats and dogs, but it makes the pool (pictured here) that much cozier!


after that, i get a call from someone who wants me to make and star in a movie. so i've got that going for me too. then it's time for dinner outside at dumont with my best girlz--burgers, ladies, am i right?--then we jam the night away, dancing, loving and whatnotting!

ERIN
I would time travel back to November 25th, 1976 to the Winter Ballroom in San Francisco and play tambourine in The Band's final farewell concert and then use my sexual mind control powers to bang Levon Helm & Rick Danko immediately after. Then I'd teleport every single person who participated in the concert (with the exception of Van Morrison and Michael McClure) to Mexico where we'd party for three consecutive days on the beach. Over those three days I'd become Eric Clapton's number one girl and we'd get hitched and live a life of wealth, excess and sexual healing together forever. I'd also become Emmylou Harris's best friend. Joan Baez would feel left out, but, you know, that's how it goes. I can't be best friends with EVERYONE. This game is kind of depressing.

LINDSAY
It's 1972 Los Angeles. I am 25 years old, a size 4, and working on the McGovern campaign. I go to a campaign event, some fancy dinner, and meet Warren Beatty. He asks me if I want to see his mansion. We go back to his place, get high, and bang each other.

NAOMI
I wake up in my pied-à-terre in Paris. My boyfriend Javier Bardem and I decided to fly out last night to go a party.

There are croissants and great coffee waiting for us when we rise. Before we get out of bed Javier insists on giving me head. Who can say no? That happens, then we eat the croissants in bathrobes on the balcony. With every bite of croissant, I lose a pound. I eat two croissants and at ten bites each I am at my goal weight. Looking fabulous, I leave the apartment and Javier to hang out with my best pals in mid 1980s New York. We go shopping and buy everything we want. I see a cheap townhouse in the West Village for sale and buy it. It's a great price and I have a feeling the value will appreciate.

We meet up with my other friends Jeff Koons, Jenny Holzer, Karen Finley, Dara Birnbaum and Nan Goldin to go to a performance at The Kitchen. Then it's contemporary times again and, thanks to my intimate involvement with the art scene in the 80s (what was really mere minutes ago), I am a famous artist. I head to my opening at Gagosian. The work looks great and the turnout is spectacular. My best friends and I head to my West Village townhouse to have dinner. Tom Colicchio is hard at work cooking. I tell him to take a break and come upstairs for a minute. We fuck. Back downstairs, dinner is being served when there's a knock on the door. It's Javier come to surprise me! What a sweetie. We finish dinner and then head to a party that's playing all the best music. We dance all night and do a few drugs nothing major. Then we sleep deeply.

Hangover Prevention & More Encounters With Terrible People

Last night I had too many drinks and I got home and was like shiiiiiiiiiz I have work in like 8 hours. Has the same thing ever happened to you? I bet it has! Here is my fool-proof Hangover Prevention Method (HPM). First you can do your normal nightly routine if you are able. If you aren't able, skip it! Then take two Excedrin Migraine and two 4 hour Sudafed with a full glass of water. You should sleep sitting upright as much as possible (this is mostly only if it's allergy season or if you have a cold, but sometimes it's good to do regardless). You will wake up in the middle of the night, say like 2am, and have a really bad headache. You take one or two more Excedrin Migraine. Then go back to sleep. You will wake up again at about 5:30am and you'll say, 'please no headache' and luckily you won't have one. Then you can just slumber until 7:30 and you will be mostly ok!

When you head to work after this, you'll be functioning at about 85%. A smooth ride with no dramatically terrible people will help you relax and get back to "neutral." Unfortunately this morning Lady Luck was mad at me. This guy was leaning on the doors next to me and listening to his headphones loudly. Every time we were between stations, he would turn to face the door, look at his reflection and start playing air upright bass! EVERY SINGLE TIME. Like, dude get a fucking life and stop grazing my arm with yours b/c you want to admire yourself and practice strumming an air instrument. You are lame at life.

Listen Up, Ladies

If you see a Curves bar, you should eat it.

Definitely don't buy one, but if you have one lying around at work or on the street it is not a bad idea to, well, eat it! They contain almost no nutritional value, but also only 100 cals. No guilt! Chow down sistahs!

Brush With Death

I know I haven't posted in a while which makes what I'm about to write even more lame as the most exciting blog-worthy thing that's happened to me recently. Last night at dinner I was just rubbing my leg a little (just in a normal way one rubs a body part here and there) and I felt a bump. It was a hard, discrete little bump. And I thought, well this is it. I finally got the cancer I've been so sure is coming my way all these years. I made everyone at the table feel the bump. They said, it's nothing, but maybe get it checked out anyway. When we left the restaurant, my thoughts naturally drifted to what kind of invasive treatments I'd endure before my body finally succumbed to the disease and who would sob hardest and loudest at my funeral. Then we arrived at a light street corner. I looked down to inspect the nodule only to find that it was a tiny mosquito bite. A great wave of relief washed over me. It was the most timely and conclusive resolution to a bout of disease related anxiety I've ever had. So despite how ridiculous it was to mistake a mosquito bite for stage 1, I felt comforted that my anxiety can be quelled in a matter of moments if I have sufficient evidence to discount cancer as a culprit.

Million Dollar Synergy Idea

Hershey's/Nestle/Godiva team up with Midol. Every box of Midol comes with a bar of chocolate. I think it's genius. Who wants in on the ground level?

Medical

Sometimes you have a minor health issue, but the symptom makes you think that it is or could be a major health problem. Here is my list of scary symptomed minor health problems (my jump-to-conclusions diagnosis is in parentheses):

Clogged Sweat Gland (lymph(?) cancer)
Bad Headache (brain tumor)

Heartburn (heart attack)
General Pain in Left Arm (heart attack)

There are more but I think this is all I'm willing to admit/discuss on the blog.

Unrelated, everyone see "I Love You, Man."

Rachel's Tasty Travels: Mexico!

No, not THAT Rachel. My real life friend Rachel! She went to Mexico for two weeks and I asked her to tell me everything she ate. She went to Chiapas and Oaxaca, both places I've never been. I looked up some pictures so I could better picture her experience.


(Alex in) Chiapas



Oaxaca

Here is her thorough report.


while in Chiapas and Oaxaca for 10 days last month, I ate:

Chicken in salsa roja with refried black beans, guacamole, rice, handmade tortillas, quesillo, and queso fresco with herbs and chile. To drink: limonada, beer, mezcal
This was made by my friend's roommate who hosts a community lunch on their roof every Friday to make money. It was one of the best meals of my life.

Vegetarian Tlayuda. To drink: Cafe de olla

Tlayudas are sort of like a giant quesidillas but that description really doesn't do them justice. They are about a foot long and folded in half and crunchy on the outside. They are made from fresh masa and cooked over a charcoal fire, which gives them their smoky flavor. This one was filled with quesillo, black beans, tomatoes and cilantro, and was made by Diego's mom and served to me as breakfast in bed. It was heavenly!

Tejate, served in a hollowed out gourd:
Tejate is a pre hispanic drink made from flor de cacao, mamey seed, toasted corn meal and probably other things as well. Honestly, I don't even know. All I can tell you that it's heavenly. It's a little nutty and chocolatey and corn-y tasting, and forms an odd sort of froth on the top. This particular tejate was drunk in an organic weekend market in the shade of a giant flowering tree.

Mangoes. Many

Over the course of my trip I ate mangoes sliced with chile and limon, peeled and stuck on a stick like a popsicle, mashed up with limonada and mezcal for the best cocktail ever, and at least four mango pinas, the best type of mango of all.

Rajas con Queso:
Nopales, pepers, corn, cheese and cream, cooked together into a delicious sticky mess. Again, cooked by Diego's mom, and served to me in bed by Diego, who may be my favorite person on earth.

Black Bean Soup:
The Caldero, one of the best restaurants in San Cristobal, makes their black bean soup with three kinds of pork. The enormous bowl has pieces of chorizo and bacon floating among the beans and epazote. The plate of garnishes on the side comes with lime, cubes of cheese, and chicharones. It will kill you, it is that good.

Molletes:
Molletes are one of those foods that are so obvious you can't believe you didn't think of them yourself. They are toasted pieces of french bread covered in refried beans and melted cheese. They are deeply satisfying.

Falafel:
You might think it's dumb to eat falafel in Chiapas, but honestly there is better Mexican food in Chicago than there is in San Cristobal. This falafel came in home made pita, with thick garlicy hummus, raw cabbage, tomatoes, onions, and radishes. It was pretty great falafel.


Here's a picture of Rachel just to break up the text.


Juices, assorted:
The standouts include mandarin and carrot, and carrot, orange and beet.

Assorted foods on toast:
There's a new wine bar in San Cris that offers you tapas with every order of wine. The tapas are all crustini based, and all slightly disappointing. Think tuna salad, or a slice of deli ham on toast.

Things cooked in pots, accompanied by cafe del campo:
For my two days building a cistern in Comitan, we were served giant pots of deliciousness with every meal. Think delicious beans that have been boiling all day, or mole de olla- a country stew of beef, corn, squash, yucca, chayote and potato. With every meal there was coffee served as they drink it in the communities: sweet enough to put you into a diabetic coma.

Nieves:
Nieves are the official frozen treat of Oaxaca. Fresh fruit ices served in tall sundae glasses at charming wraught iron tables in a church courtyard. Mine was guyabana, a mystery fruit that looks a little like a giant, spiny, mishapen avocado and tastes slightly like guava but better.

Mezcal, Assorted:
Among the various kinds of mezcal I drank, there was the certified organic mezcal, and the mezcal sold in liter water bottles out of the back of a bodega. There was also a cocktail I invented out of everything in Diana's kitchen: Squeeze the juice out of one half mango-pina, then mash up the pulp in the bottom of the glass. Add a shot of mezcal, a spoonfull of sugar, and top off with limonada. Then celebrate international women's day by getting drunk in the living room.

Memelas:
Two hand made tortillas, one with potatoes and chorizo, shredded quesillo, guacamole, and salsa. The other with sauteed fresh mushrooms, quesillo, guacamole and salsa.

Comida at Viznaga's, accompanied by mojitos, margaritas, a pitcher of agua de jamaica, and a cranky baby:
For our last lunch in Oaxaca, we ate at Viznaga's, one of the top five restaurants I've ever been to. Our menu included fresh spears of slightly pickled carrots and jicama, dusted with sesame seeds, a salad of spinach, grapefruit, bacon and pecans, ceviche, sopes de tinga de pollo, seared tuna crusted with amaranth, served over mashed potatoes and garnished with pickled shallots, and flan covered in pecan/mezcal/caramel. It was unsane.


Terrible Breakfast:
At the airport in Mexico City, I ate breakfast at the only sit down breakfast place in my wing. I had huevos a la mexicana, a small pool of refried beans, three sad tortillas, coffee, and grapefruit juice. It cost about 2/3 as much as our entire lunch for three at Viznagas.

EMAIL FROM THE FUTURE!!!

MY DAD: Technological WIZ KID!

He chats. He emoticons. He reads blogs. He online banks. What can't he do?!?!

Here are some highlights from the inaugural dadChat:

Dad: The other problem is you can send messages in the middle of someone elses message. Do you need to say "over" or somethiing like that?

Dad: I'm starting to appreciate not using caps or punctuation
me: haha i know!
it's so much easier
also there are tons of great graphics on gchat
like all the emoticons are animated
put a left carrot <
Dad: Where are they
me: and a 3
next to each other
and just watch
Dad: <3
me: !!!
isn't that neat?
Dad: Awesome what are some others is there a list somewhere

Dad: i can feel my typing skills improving every minute
me: it's thrilling, isn't it?
Dad: and my grammar and spelling skills fading fast

Life Like "Art"

Tonight when I drove home the song "Blinded By The Light" came on and just as it did some asshole with his brights on rounded the corner and I was, you guessed it, blinded by the light. Then "Dancing In the Moonlight" came on, but the moon was shrouded behind thick clouds, so I didn't even bother scanning the shores of Lake Michigan for possible revelers. THEN a homeless beggar woman on the side of the road pulled out a bag of cocaine after approaching each stopped car for change. In summation, my twenty minute ride home was more eventful and exciting than that 4 hour-long Oscar ceremony. Take THAT, The Academy.

I Couldn't Possibly

Being unemployed affords one a lot of time to do things. In my previous life, I always found myself struggling to do things I really needed to do. I'd say to myself 'Jeez I really have to clean my room/wash dishes/pay bills, but I'm so tired from working so many hours at my tedious job I just cant' be bothered right now.' That's not a problem for someone who is unemployed.

OR IS IT?

Here's a funny thing about having endless amounts of unstructured time. IT IS PARALYZING. Today I had a list of things to accomplish. They included:

1. finishing an art project
2. working on an art project I just started
3. applying for jobs
4. submitting work to several exhibitions and festivals
5. reading some articles in the New Yorker

When I woke up this "morning", I had best intentions to do all or some of these tasks. But then I thought, 'Why do them today when I can do them tomorrow? Or the next day? Or the next day?' And the answer is, there is absolutely no reason to do things today versus tomorrow. I have the same number of unfilled hours every single day. The rub is -- and I think you can see where this is going -- you never wind up doing those things at all! So despite the copious amounts of time with which to FINALLY achieve the tedious tasks of life, you wind up doing less than you would if you had a job taking up 55 hrs of your week.

Don't worry though. In the past 24 hours, I was able to do a few noteworthy things.

1. I received a gchat from Zara which contained a link to a real viral video winner. Definitely one of the best I've seen recently.


2. I made a mixtape! I was thinking it'd be cool to actually make a tape tape. And decorate it and whatever. But now that that's on my list of things to do, well, it surely won't be done. Download it HERE

3. I made bolognese sauce. It contains veal, pork AND pancetta. It's pretty good. I want to make homemade tagliatelle to go with it, but we'll see. Unfortunately pasta sauces (especially with meat) don't photograph well unless you are a professional. Despite my having received "training" as a photographer for 4 consecutive years, I succeeded in absorbing none of that information. Here is kind of what I want you to picture when you think of my bolognese:


4. I took a long walk to get Banh Mi on Tuesday. It was a very brisk walk.

Weirdly, not as good as they look.

I know. I was surprised too.

I CONQUER MAGIC EYE

After spending the better part of the 90s trying to master this needlessly complex trompe l'ouille, I finally "saw the hidden picture" with the help of my awesome Mom. THANK GOD I AM FINALLY FREE.

STRONG BL**K PRESIDENT

I still can't believe it. I can't believe that a vast majority of people in this country voted for a man named Barack Hussein Obama. This country that we've been ashamed of for so many years just became something to be proud of again and I am overcome. This start at chipping away THE cancer that has plagued our country since its inception is incredible. All kids in this country will grow up with a black man as president. The minority voice is THE voice in America finally and it's so inspiring. I rarely feel this uncynical and wholeheartedly awed and impressed, but what we all did yesterday takes my breath away.

Here's Fidelis (far left) trying to catch a glimpse of Barack at their polling place.

Windy City Weekend

I am a great planner. I organized an incredible weekend for me and Erin in Chicago. We tasted new and delicious foods. We saw exciting things. We bought makeup.

Erin arrived Thursday afternoon. We rushed home to have cocktails and snacks. Since nothing was on TV and Erin had never seen My So-Called Life (unacceptable), we popped in the first disk.

For dinner, we went to Spring, Chicago's fancy locavore spot, with Joe and Alie. I expected a lot and got very little. The service was incredibly bad (very attitudy) and the food was only ok. So you don't need to go there! You're welcome for saving you $$$$.

The next day, we headed down to Roosavelt Rd. for Manny's lunch with Mom.

We really over did it, but that's kind of what Manny's is for. Mom was upset they didn't serve warm gefilte fish anymore, but she got over it. Erin and I took a walk around downtown after lunch. Erin bought tons of makeup. Pretty!!!! Then we got pedicures. I got the razor THANK GOD b/c my feet were totally dying to be scccccraped. Then we went shopping, bought a malted milkshake, and walked home. My So-Called Life Cocktail Hour commenced. We plowed through a few more eps before picking up Jason and heading to Penny's Noodle Shop for dinner. I love Penny's. It's so good and reliable and cheap. Then we went to Goldstar to drink brews and watch Halloweeen. Scary! Erin and I got in a minor tiff about whether or not people our age listen to bands like Journey ironically or because they genuinely like that music (I said ironically and, of course, I'm right). We freaked Jason out a little, but he has to grow up sometime. Luckily the tension was diffused when we decided to get a snack at McDonalds. We ordered a few things, drove up to the window and gave the woman money. Next thing I knew, she handed me BACK the money I'd just given her along with our food. She got so flustered from all the drunks that she thought she was giving us change or something. FREE MCDONALDS YES WE FINALLY BEAT THE SYSTEM TAKE THAT THE MAN.

High from our Mickey D's coup the night before, we headed to Rick Bayless' restaurant Frontera the next morning. We drank alcohol brunch drinks and got really full on chorizo and eggs. It was so delicious. After that we got various things waxed and went to see Happy Go-Lucky which was worse than expected. Erin thought it was ok. I fell asleep. We rushed home to change for the night. We stopped by the Empty Bottle to pick up Lykke Li tickets. Thanks Peter and Robin for helping us get into the sold out show!!! We got stamped and then headed to the Skylark for dinner.

I LOVE THE SKYLARK. It's my favorite bar in Chicago because it's never that crowded, the beers are cheap, there is great food and it's in a funky location. We shared a burger with onion rings on it (God bless the Midwest), salad and tots with sauces (disappointing). We headed back to the Bottle just in time to see that Swedish songstress sing and gyrate her little Aryan heart out.

I was pretty impressed with her live set. I'm not a huge fan of her music in general, but she had a lot of energy onstage. There was a heavy drum sound in all the numbers which was unexpected. Lots of dancing and moving. It was nice to see how she modified songs that are pretty mellow on the recording. She also covered Tribe's "Can I Kick It" and one other one.

Sunday we went to an awesome new brunch place near my house. It's a fancy grocery store slash cafe. Erin and I shared the best turkey club I've ever tasted and bread pudding pancakes. SO AMAZING. We also had brunch alcohols. The nadir of the whole weekend came after brunch when we tried to go to an all ladies dance class and it wasn't in session. God. That was so depressing. We were all decked in our work-out wear and then NOTHING. Erin even brought her Danity Kane shirt. So annoying. We went shopping to make ourselves feel better. We bought dresses. Then we came home for more MSCLCH. We put on our new dresses (pretty) and went to dinner in Andersonville at a new Korean restaurant JinJu. It was super cute and sexy. Great date spot! Then we headed to the lesbian wine bar Joie De Vine. Jason met up with us and we all had a great time with Erotic Photo Hunt.

We watched more MSCL and went to bed.

Monday we went to lunch and then headed to Midway. Great trip Erin! THANKS FOR COMING I LOVE YOU!!!!

FOU et Tellement Evident

Parallel parking in Hyde Park is a fucking joke. It's SO IRRITATING. People do not know how to park here! There are a million 3/4 spots. It's INFURIATING. fgjiaowefjioewajcea;wo. Today I drove around for 30 minutes. It took me 20 minutes to get down here from my house (13 miles) and thirty fucking minutes to find parking. I may try Joe's tactic of gently touching bumpers with a car and then flooring it to put them properly in ONE space instead of two.

Last night I went to see Yelle with Stephanie. The crowd was like what I imagine the Harvey Milk High School prom to be like. Lots of teenage queers dancing uninhibitedly. The show was totally fun and we left early. Yelle's English skills were lacking, but it only made the power of music all the more transcendent (who needs words when you have beats?). Also there were some nice kind of drum circle style moments which were unexpected. Her band was INSANELY HOT. Like hot as fuck. Look at that. Also they were wearing "Dance or Die" shirts (tres mignon). Too bad they're French :(



Here's the song from which Yelle got the sample for Ce Jeu.


Yesterday I also made a blueberry galette. It turned out well. Little leaky. It looks very similar to this:

Back In The New York Groove

Ace Freely sang it and I DID it this weekend. I ventured back from whence I came only one fortnight ago. I flew Delta to Laguardia which was awesome. It was a small plane which freaked me out at first, but it was such a relaxing new plane with tons of leg room that I chilled right out. They came around with a tray of snacks and the flight wasn't even half full so I got to stretch out a lot. Just a super time! No lines, no waiting at the gorgeous Marine Terminal.


Sam and I caught up over sandwiches. Then we ran some errands and went to Big Bar for drinks with Lacey and Hannah. I was so excited to see more than one friend in one place after my lonely two weeks in Chicago that I got really really drunk. Sam and I went home to watch the debates. I was really proud that Obama got tough and said he'd kill Bin Laden and crush Al-Qaeda. Way to go. He should have been doing that all along. That's what people want to hear. I slept through the last 1/3. When I woke up I haz hangover. But Sam mad me go out anyway! I'm glad he did because not only did I have a fun time with Adrienne and Chapman in Williamsburg, I also found a NEW flavor of Collisions Doritos (more on this later).

Saturday was day #1 of my performance "Throwing Things That Break" (which I'm considering retitling "The Mess I Made" (please weigh in)). The first performance was under attended, but it was good to work out the kinks with minimal spectators. Between performances Sam and I shared a sandwich and went to a bookstore. The second performance of the day went well. Erin arrived just in time to capture the "happening" on video. Other attendees included Adrienne, Chapman, Gene, Barbara, Emily, Luke and Aunt Audrey. Thanks for coming everyone!!


Saturday night was Sam's bday dinner at Pacifico. Very delicious and fun. Then I met up with the Chain for a slightly disorganized but enjoyable evening out.

Sunday was day #2 of performancing. It also went well and thanks for braving the rain to come see it all! Brunch at Superfine was not actually superfine. It was more like mediocrepassable. Sam and I took a walk to Red Hook to look at bikes. On the way we saw Jonathan Franzen at a bookstore. He was working on his MacBook. So now we know he uses a Mac.
 
Almost immediately after seeing JF we saw a DUCK KILLING FACTORY. The door of this no-windows building was open and duck guts were strewn all over the floor and there was tons of squawking. Sam said he had to become vegetarian and I said 'grow a pair' and he said, 'you're right.'


Then I went to Greenpoint while Sam napped. Hannah and I got crazy with some Bud Lights, Gossip Girl and the new Collisions Doritos Ranch/Pizza Cravers. Honestly, I was underwhelmed. The pizza flavor had some mild Italian inspired spices, but other than that tasted pretty much like regular Nacho Cheese. The ranch was also too mild and tasted like a sub-par Cool Ranch. Taken together the sensation wasn't anything to write home about, but it was something to write blog about.

After that I headed into the city to get a drink with Adam who had just returned from a posh Hamptons wedding. Adrienne and Chapman were cooking dinner, so we headed over after taking exactly two sips of our drinks. They made a chicken/rice thing and broccoli with lemon butter sauce. Adrienne prepared an amazing chocolate mousse dessert with homemade raspberry whipped cream. It was delicious. We talked a lot about deaf culture, circumcision and graphic novels. On the subway ride home, we saw Ronnie from Bravo's 'Make Me A Supermodel.' Sam said he would missed connections him, but I don't know if he actually did.


On the runway at Laguardia AIR FORCE ONE rolled by my window.

It was kind of exciting. Big police escort. I got home yesterday afternoon and had some Jew food with Mom and Dad.

Unrelatedly, this is my favorite song and video.


Finally, here is the most recent installment of Thursd-eggs c/o Snugget and Vanessa.

Leftov-eggs

You know what I love? Cleaning out the refrigerator. I love eating that one last caper floating in the bottom of the glass jar, squeezing out that last drop of yellow mustard, chopping up the final few leaves of parley. And so this week was Leftov-eggs. I wasn't born during the Great Depression but hell if ain't ready for the Greatest Depression!
 
Ingredients:

4 eggs
1 tablespoon cooking oil
1/4 onion
1/2 spicy chorizo (sometimes called Spanish chorizo)
handful of whatever cooked green vegetable you have lying around your fridge. We used charred kale and it was delish
salt and pepper

Heat tablespoon of cooking oil in a heavy-bottomed pan until fragrant but not smoking. While it's heating up, finely chop the onion and whisk the eggs with salt and pepper. Add onions to pan. It's ok if they brown. After 4 or 5 minutes they should be cooked through. Chop the chorizo into half inch pieces. Add them to the pan of onions. The chorizo is already cooked so the goal here is to just brown the bits and make them crispy. Once browned add the already cooked green to the pan to warm it all up. Remove from heat. If using the same pan for your eggs take out the onion mixture and allow the pan to cool for 2 minutes. Wipe out pan. Heat on medium with some butter or oil in the pan if you are not using cast iron or a non-stick pan.

Add eggs stirring constantly. They will start to firm up. Once they are cooked to your prefered consistency pile the onion mixture on top and serve.

Changes & Guest Bloggers Snugget and Vanessa

Since my last post, I've moved to Chicago for my fall semester abroad. I had a great going away party and an even better HELLO party upon arrival. Here are some pics.




I'll talk more about my big life changes later, but in the meantime, Snugget and Vanessa have graciously invited us join them in their latest culinary adventure: Thurs-deggs. Here Snugget describes how this genius idea unfolded:


This week an egg-shaped light bulb went off in my head. “We need a weekly breakfast to be excited about,” I thought. As it was Tuesday, and a day’s notice didn’t seem fair, I suggested Thurs-deggs. I like routines and plays on words, so this was eggs-actly what the doctor ordered. Plus Vanessa likes to cook and I like to eat. Egg-gain…perfect. So this Thursday we premiered Thurs-deggs, which will hopefully be a weekly egg-ccurrence featuring new and egg-citing or old and classic and all down right delicious breakfast egg-stravaganzas!

Sept 18: Breakfast Tacos

 

With little warning for the inaugural Thurs-deggs we had to make do with what we had in the old refrigerator. There was a jar of salsa, half an avocado and some small corn tortillas. Bingo, bango, breakfast tacos!

Vanessa hails from sunny Los Angeles, California, a city rich in Mexican heritage, so I had no doubt these would be very authentic.

Here is how she made them:

Thurs-deggs Breakfast Tacos (because burritos are too large when you're eating at 6:50 am)
Serves: 2

Ingredients:

4 corn tortillas
half an avocado, sliced
4 eggs (room temperature if possible)
Tablespoon of butter
4 tablespoons salsa
Sriracha (optional)
salt and pepper

Crack eggs in a large bowl and whisk for a minute or two until the yolks and whites are fully integrated. Place a small saucepan on medium heat and add butter. Let it slosh around. Once the butter starts to bubble but before it browns, add the eggs. Stir constantly, scraping down the sides and folding the eggs over with a wooden spoon. Before the eggs are completely cooked turn of heat. Continue to stir eggs. Now, turn on another burner on high. Place the tortillas on one at a time, flipping them over so they heat and brown evenly on both sides. Place two tortillas on each plate, evenly divide the eggs. Pile the avocado and salsa on top. Add Sriracha if you enjoy the spicy.

No Camera Can Capture It All: Alison, Jeremy and I Go To Israel

These fateful words, uttered by the Israel Outdoors staff photographer while trying to squeeze everyone into the frame of our group picture, proved prophetic. Nothing could sum up the vast array of emotions we felt over this 10 day trip. Though this picture comes pretty close:


This first thing we learned was not to trust our guide. She lied to us. Repeatedly. Our schedule for the first day was an "easy" 20 minute hike and kayaking in the Jordan River which probably wouldn't contain much water (if any). What ensued was a 2 hour death march and rafting (in one of those inflatable things - see below) in a fully full river. I thought I was going to die. The hike through the Galilee mountains was beautiful. Unfortunately I was so busy looking at my feet, struggling to get over enormous rocks and maneuvering through narrow passages that the physical beauty of the landscape largely evaded me. By the end of the hike (which we actually cut short because people were struggling so much), I was on the verge of hyperventilating, sweaty beyond belief and very annoyed that we'd been deceived. Since we were told the "kayaking" wouldn't involve us getting wet (since the river would be almost entirely depleted of water), I decided to go in fully clothed. Total mistake. I got completely drenched. On our ride down the river, we ran into a group of rowdy Hasidic school boys who disobeyed every single rule the rafting guy told us. They were swimming in the river, splashing around everywhere. Fantastic. Luckily, our rafting buddies were Luke and Emily, two people with even worse attitudes than mine and Alison's. We talked smack on everyone else in the group and really bonded. Love you guys!!
PLUS

The rest of the trip was spent trying to gauge how much of what we were told was a lie and trying to adjust our attire accordingly.

Highlights:

1. All the kinds of Doritos. They weren't as good as American Doritos (of course), but it was fun to try them. They were much thinner and had less powder flavoring on them. This one tasted like curry!


2. The desert waterfall. Very pretty!!


3. All the hiking. Despite the fact that it was exactly 1000 degrees Celsius every single day we were there and I've never sweat so much and so consistently over such a long period of time, the hiking was really fun. I never get to do stuff like that at home. It felt great to actually finish the really hard hikes and see the viewpoints [sic] at the top. Hiking Masada was particularly feelgoody. Here we are, red-faced and sweaty beyond belief.


4. When I took this picture:


5. Becoming friends with Luke and Emily. AAWWWWW!!


6. Learning about bomb disposal robots! The police evacuate areas when they discover an unattended bag or package in a public place. Then they send in a robot that destroys the bomb! So cool! We heard the whole thing go down when we were at the Western Wall. They said stuff over the PA system, telling everyone that there was a suspicious package. Then there was another announcement that there would be a robot bomb noise in a few minutes. The soldiers translated this for us, but our leader didn't think it was important enough to tell us what was about to happen and kept lecturing about the Second Temple. Cool, good call Michal. No one will notice or be scared of the loud bomb noise. Anyway, it was a pretty substantial sound. Totally cool. Here's an example of a BDR:


After a while it became clear that the bus driver Yossi was stealing our water bottles so that we'd buy his instead. Every time we left water on our seats for an activity, we'd return to the bus unable to find them. Very clever Yossi. Great entrepreneurial mind.
 

Some things I learned:

1. Israelis love Israel. A lot. This was kind of surprising. Since the land of Israel is so significant primarily because of its religious importance, I assumed that secular Israelis (most Israelis) wouldn't feel that tied to it. Wrong! Totally wrong. They are so patriotic. It's kind of weird, but I guess it makes sense. It's strange because Israel is comprised of mostly displaced people (people who weren't born IN Israel). Lots came over after the Holocaust and in the early 20th century. So in that way, it's a lot like America, where patriotism is prevalent but maybe less based on the idea that the specific land is what's important.

2. Israelis are assholes. Not really, but like kind of. They have an incredibly brisk attitude and arrogance that is really offputting. I knew this going in, but it was pretty surprising to interact with a whole nation of jerks all at once. Our guide Michal, who ended up being great and very knowledgeable and accommodating, was so quintessentially Israeli. Whenever we were on a hike and she found herself not in the absolute front, she'd plow through the group screaming, 'Sorry, I just want to be first!' This really sums up the Israeli Weltanschauung. Sorry! They just want to be first! They're gonna take it all no matter who stands in their way. SORRY!! Sorry I just want to be first should be the state motto of Israel.

3. Israel looks like southern California. One of these is Israel and one is Griffith Park. Can you tell which one is which?!?!
 

4. There is a lot of America in Israel. I knew we put tons of money into the military there (one of our guard's bullet holders had U.S. on it), but I had no idea about the proliferation of American TV, products and language in Israel. So much of the signage is just English transliteration. It's not that they don't have words for things in Hebrew. They just choose not to use them. This was really weird and much more widespread than European adoption of American words.
 



5. Israeli soldiers are pussies. Who knew?!!? I think they get so used to having their guns with them they stop actually being tough. Two of the girls didn't make it all the way up Masada because of a headache and a fear of heights. Ohad had to have his mommy pick him up from the bus because he was feeling sick. Man, so lame. It made me feel super strong and powerful. I'm tougher than soldiers!!


6. There is a lot of garbage in Israel. Mostly in the country. The cities are pretty clean.
 

7. The Western Wall has a women only section that is 1/4 the size of them men's section. This was really shocking, but I guess it was naive not to expect it. Women are relegated to the periphery in all other aspects of Jewish culture, so why not here at the most holy site.

By the end of the trip everyone had gotten terrible ill and was afflicted with various intestinal and respiratory ailments. I'm still 100% sick.

Overall the trip was a nice diversion from normal life and it was great to spend time with Alie and Jeremy. Thanks to the American Jewz for sending me on the trip of a lifetime for free!!!!!! You really did yourselves a disservice because now I hate religion more than ever.