Friday, January 26, 2007

Some Things That Are Annoying

1. Watching old/stupid people use computers. This is SO ANNOYING. They're like, "See? It keeps doing that!" No, you assy monkey. You're making that happen by not knowing how to work a computer. It's just a machine! You can control it! Know the power structure, goddamn it. Until robots completely take over the world (circa 2040), we are in control.

2. Getting stuck behind slow people on subway stairs. I know this is a common complaint and it's not really that big a deal. Usually I hate those people who are rushing around. It's like, CHILL DUDE. But lately I have been in a legitimate hurry and found myself stuck behind moms and babies and shit. Super annoying.

3. Poor circulation. I have the worst circulation of anyone I know. It doesn't matter how many pairs of socks I wear. My feet are always numb and frozen. And it's not just like, "Oh my feet are cold that's weird." It hurts a LOT. It feels like there are pins going in them and I can't really move them at all. It's so annoying. I wouldn't mind the cold weather nearly as much if I wasn't afflicted with terrible circulation.

4. Post-nasal drip. I have this almost 100% of the time. Mostly it's no big deal, but sometimes it gets so mad gloppy and thick back there in the back of my throat. It's pretty gross and annoying cause it impairs my swallowing and eating. People keep telling me to get a Netti Pot, but I cannot bring myself to purchase something called a Netti Pot. WTF kind of name is that? I don't know its origin and I don't care. It's one of the most unpleasant sounding phrases of all time. If I get one I'll have to think of a rad name for it. Suggestions welcome.

5. Different volume levels on my itunes/pod. I'm sure there's a way to fix this, but I'm too lazy to investigate. I just hate when I'm jamming on a moderately volumed song and then the next track comes on and BAM!!!1@@! I'm poppin' and bustin' to get the phones off before I blow my earhole out. Ah. Noying.

To counter this list, here are some things that aren't annoying:

1. Beer
2. Amy's Organic Three Cheese Pizza with Cornmeal Crust
3. Eating #2 while drinking #1
4. MY FRIENDS!!!111
5. Sleeping

6 comments:

Gretchen said...

dude, do NOT get a neti pot. i got one last year at my doctor's recommendation and it was AWF. you stick the pot in your nose and pour salt water into one nostril and tilt your head until it comes OUT THE OTHER NOSTRIL!!!! and then your throat feels weird, and your congestion isn't any better. avoid, avoid at all costs!!!

Sam said...

counterpoint: GET a neti pot. it's like drowning-- but with even better results!

deejay510 said...

you're a comical genious.keep up the good work

your perverted 15 year old friend
dj

Unknown said...

eat #2 and drink #1?
that's fucking nasty

Lauren said...

i am totally with you on the first 3 points here. my dad got an ipod for christmas and i would voluntarily go to the gynocologist and the dentist on the same day before i had to go through the experience of trying to teach him how to use an electronic device ever again.
i have extremely poor circulation (it runs in my family) and it makes the winter UNBEARABLE. i have something called raynard's disease look it up. basically my hands and feet will completely lose circulation if they get too cold. my fingers get white and it's painful!! sounds like you may share this afflicition girlfriend.
as for slowpokes in the subway it's not even worth rambling about. i actually had a vision of kicking some girl down the stairs the other day, that's bad right?

naomi said...

i definitely have what you have, lauren. it fucking blows.

dan, i thought about changing that to read less as bathroom humor, but then i wanted to see who would make that joke first. YOU WIN!