District of Funlumbia

I went to DC this weekend to visit Erin. Sam was going to visit his sister Lucy so we rode Greyhound together. The trip got underway at Port Authority where they were BLASTING classical music on the PA system. It didn't do much to distract from the fact that Port Authority is the most disgusting, depressing place in all of New York, maybe the entire world. After commenting on my weight and letting out a booming cackle, the driver checking out tickets let us board the bus. While on board, a few things happened.

1. Sam and I decided we should start a band called White Rose and then star in a reality tv show (presumably on vh1) in which we have to live with Prussian Blue in a mansion in LA.
2. We realized/reconfirmed that LCD Soundsystem and The Zombies are the GOOOOOODS.
3. We drew drawings!!! First portraits of each other, then tableaux from adventures we've had together (aaawwwwPUKE)

(click to enlarge)
4. We ate sandwiches.

5. I mistakenly read the title of another passenger's magazine. It was Prevention and I saw


We finally arrived in DC and saw the Illinois flag, so we really felt at home.


I got to Erin's house and we chilled a bit. She bought special provisions for my visit. We snacked on cheese and crackers, champagne+pineapple juice and mini cupcakes.

Then we went out to a romantic dinner. Here's Erin doing a robotic dance (different from THE Robot) so excited for the din.


On the way to the restaurant, I remembered what I like most about DC: The Metro. The stations are so haunting and cinematic. The lights at the edge of the platform flash to let you know to stand back because the train is coming. The trains themselves are clean and always on time. There was some funky mold here, so I guess they're not 100% perfect, but isn't it the flaws that makes things interesting or whatever?


Dinner was awesome. I ate about a few pounds of beef and Erin had a whole plate of fried things. We also shared crispy crab things and she got a very green cocktail.


After dinner, we went to this bar called the Front Page. After seeing the best thing in DC, I was upset to be confronted with the worst: the surplus of square white folk. These people went APE SHIT for O.A.R. and Stroke 9. Like, is it 1997??!!? Also the DJ played a medley from Grease. That is just totally inappropriate. I fucking hate Grease, but even if I didn't, I would not want to hear it at a bar. WRONG VENUE.

(singing 'Since U Been Gone')

(singing 'Livin' On A Prayer')

The next day we ate the most succulent mini burgers ever. They were served on brioche! Since it was freezing and windy, we decided to see Stomp The Yard.

It's the #1 movie in the country and not for nothing. It's so dope! The dancing is fucking amazing and the story/writing is actually not that bad. I wish Chris Brown hadn't been [SPOILER!!!] killed in the first 5 minutes, but there were some nice flashbacks of him lecturing his older brother (played by Columbus Short).

In the bathroom of the theater, I encountered XLERATOR. This super-powered hand dryer prompted you to FEEL THE POWER. I did. I was impressed, if frightened.


Erin's Reverse Housewarming Party was that night. I invited my long lost roommate from abroad Debo.

There was also beer pong and lots of people I didn't know.

The next morning, Erin and I took it easy lounging in bed for several hours watching an alarming number of episodes of Sex and the City (no judgement, please). We ate brunch and then I headed back to NY.

The bus ride back started off pretty unpleasantly, but got 100% better about an hour in with the announcement that the heat at the back of the bus would be turned on and the video equipment was broken.

In summation, I would never ever go to our Nation's Capital were it not for Erin. I don't know how I feel about that, but I'm certainly glad I made the trek this weekend.